转眼已到八月中旬，各大联赛纷纷开启了新的征程。率先开赛的英超赛场，利物浦、切尔西、曼联等球队纷纷顺利取胜，而卫冕冠军曼城则在与阿森纳的强强对话中笑到了最后。而在西班牙超级杯中，巴萨则逆转战胜了塞维利亚。好了，话不多说，让我们快来看看歪果仁们的精彩吐槽吧！
斯特林B席进球，曼城2-0阿森纳
TheMuse1(芝加哥火焰球迷)：就连进乌龙球的机会，阿森纳都没把握住啊！(Arsenal even missed opportunity of Own Goal.)
kaj1981(未知主队球迷)：埃德森这场给阿森纳创造的得分良机，都比枪手全队还多了…(Ederson has created more for Arsenal than themselves.)
johnnygrant(阿森纳球迷)：段子手们还没反应过来新赛季已经开始了呢！(Man the memes world wasn't ready for it has begun.)
armchairgoon(阿森纳球迷)：这场比赛看得，就连喝白开水的我都醉了…(I am drinking water, but they can still drown for this.)
Dhahajts(曼联球迷)：万万没想到，斯特林这混小子也学会内切射门了…(Hard to believe that son of a bitch could make a cut inside…)
rosstheboss2000(曼城球迷)：请注意言辞！这可是斯特林家族牙买加降生拉西姆一世、不进球者、笑气商贩的国王、苏格兰人，威尔士人和北爱尔兰人的快乐源泉、大英10号守护者、瓜迪奥拉情人、索斯盖特亲儿子、单刀粉碎者和霸王龙跑位者——拉希姆-斯特林大帝！(Watch your mouth. His Grace is the King Raheem Jamaica born of the House Sterling, the First of His Name, the Unscored, King of Laughing Gas Retailers, Meme of the Scots, the Welsh and the Ulsterman, Lord of the No.10 of the Realm, Lover of Guardiola, Son of Southgate, Breaker of 1V1 and Runner of T-Rex.)
(龙妈听了想打人系列...)
Jayveesac(阿森纳球迷)：估计撑不到比赛结束我就得犯心脏病了！(I'm probably gonna have a heart attack before this game ends lol.)
freakedmind(未知主队球迷)：那你这么多年是怎么活下来的…(How are you still alive after the past couple of years?)
GreatSpaniard(西班牙球迷)：斯特林在英格兰队咋就不能踢成这样？(Why can't Sterling do this for England?)
CattermoleBEAST(国际米兰球迷)：毕竟国家队又不能踢阿森纳…(You can't play Arsenal internationally.)
(图)：这树叶就有点让人浮想联翩了...
IvanFilipovic(未知主队球迷)：现在我们可以说，曼城就是斯特林和其他10个球员组成的球队！(We can say that City is currently Sterling and 10 others lol.)
Barrier_Freeman(未知主队球迷)：斯特林持球内切的时候，阿森纳后卫都是彬彬有礼地目送他过人射门，真是太有风度了！(I like the way the Arsenal defenders just showed him towards the middle of the goal and let him take a hit. Very polite of them.
(图)：可以说是非常心酸了...
Niderfan(阿森纳球迷)：对手可是曼城，而我们却让一个从法乙联赛签下并且没有丝毫英超经验的19岁小将首发…温格下课！(Starting a French 19 year old, signed from Ligue 2, with no premier league experience, against Man City…Wenger out!.)
SureCase(阿森纳球迷)：其实扎卡还是有实力的，只要在他身边配一个哈维就行…(Honestly Xhaka was good, we only need Xavi next to him.)
Mobilehavoc(切尔西球迷)：“现在来看厄齐尔！”“曼城球员断球…”("Here's Ozil!" "City with the ball…")
Varnagel_1(未知主队球迷)：看来厄齐尔好像也从俱乐部里退役了…(It appears Özil has retired from club football as well.)
*霸波**点射卢克-肖首球，曼联2-1莱斯特城
Dann610(美国球迷)：我大*霸波**依然保持着世界杯的状态！(It's like Pogba never left the World Cup.)
Sovereign(利物浦球迷)：看来德赫亚也是呢！(So did De Gea.)
CandidEnigma(利物浦球迷)：*霸波**这点球就像当年的扎扎一样，这步伐都让我期望他也踢飞了…(It was like that Zaza pen, I was really hoping he'd miss it with that run up...)
WheresThePhonebooth(曼联球迷)：卢克-肖和*霸波**都进球了？我看英格兰报纸这一周的头条都得重写了！(Both Shaw and Pogba scoring?! The English press just lost a week's worth of stories they had written up.)
Aroelen(皇马球迷)：这一场比赛，竟然能出赛季最蛋疼进球的两个绝佳候选…(One match in and we already have 2 solid candidates for dumbest goal of the season.)
someone447(热刺球迷)：说是三个也行…(Three solid candidates.)
Cudder9167(皇马球迷)：进球后都没亲吻队徽，*霸波**离队看来是板上钉钉了！(Didn’t kiss the badge after that, Pogba’s leaving confiremed.)
Idunlikeu(曼联球迷)：而且进球后也没去拥抱贝尔！(Didn't hug Bale, either.)
ugallu(切尔西球迷)：卢克-肖是怎么能进这种球的…(How’s Luke Shaw done that lol.)
panda52501(曼联球迷)：别问了，因为他也不知道…(Don't ask him cuz he doesn't know either.)
panda5250(曼联球迷)：卢克-一不留神就成了博格坎普-肖(Luke “Accidental Bergkamp” Shaw.)
Crows-quill(未知主队球迷)：卢克-肖的第一脚触球实在太臭，竟然把对方后卫给迷惑住了...(First touch was so bad the defender got confused.)
unusual_flats(英格兰球迷)：可以说卢克-肖就是发胖版的梅西了！(Literally a fat Messi.)
Demonictoaster(曼联球迷)：好好干吧卢克-肖，因为我们夏天没能买个后卫来替掉你…(Come on Shaw, we didn't get a fullback this summer to replace you…)
Epjk(未知主队球迷)：马塔和达米安在同一边，显得对面的奇尔维尔就像博尔特一样了…(Mata and Darmian on the same side making Chilwell look like Usain Bolt.)
ffs_fml(未知主队球迷)：曼联的游戏手柄，估计在90分钟后就断掉了吧！(United's controller turned off for a bit after 90.)
shastmak4(切尔西球迷)：曼联这比赛踢得，就像是在欧冠里竭力守住1-0领先皇马的比分一样…(United playing they are trying to advance in the champions league with a 1-0 against Real Madrid.)
secondworsthuman(皇马球迷)：穆帅可是为数不多的赢了比赛却能让你觉得对方踢得更好的主帅…(Mourinho is one of the few coaches that can win while making the other team look more excellent.)
坎特佩刀若日鸟进球，切尔西3-0哈镇
Fcinterprofezionale(未知主队球迷)：我的天，阿扎尔都快把哈镇打出来一个新的菊花了！(Holy hell, Hazard is tearing Huddersfield a new asshole.)
Lintal(英格兰球迷)：皇马，请你不要看这个…(Madrid please don't watch.)
Lyonellaughingstorm(切尔西球迷)：很好，现在不需要踢剩下的比赛了，立刻就结束这赛季的联赛吧！(Right, no need to play the rest of the season. Let’s just end it now.)
Areking(那不勒斯球迷)：现在能不能怀念下若日鸟和萨里？虽然我们联赛还没开始…(Is it possible to already miss Jorginho and Sarri? and we didn't even start the season.)
Sygarfree(阿森纳球迷)：看来本赛季的争四将会异常的激烈！(Top4 will be a big battle this season. Won’t it?)
mr_kap_(曼联球迷)：那可是相当的激烈，切尔西、曼城、利物浦、曼联和热刺都是前四的有力争夺者啊！(will be massive. Chelsea, city, Pool, United, Spurs all seem like they can be top 4.)
马内萨拉赫进球，利物浦4-0西汉姆联
WhatIsReal(曼联球迷)：看来卢克-肖和萨拉赫的金靴之争已然开始了！(So the race for the golden boot between Shaw and Salah has begun in earnest.)
OPdoesnotrespond(热刺球迷)：萨拉赫也不过是昙花1.026现而已！(Salah’s just a 1.026 season wonder.)
Ariiqirfan(未知主队球迷)：利物浦的每个进球，要么是真越位了，要么就是看起来越位了…(Every Liverpool goal always looks offside or is offside.)
ILOVEGLADOS(未知主队球迷)：也别埋怨阿利松毫无表现了，因为对方根本就没有射门让他去扑…(Don’t criticize Alisson for doing nothing because he didn’t have any shots to save.)
IanCaesars(利物浦球迷)：我早就说过斯图里奇牛逼，你看现在和萨拉赫的进球一样多！(Always rated Studgy, as many goals as Salah.)
DoctorDremian(利物浦球迷)：斯图里奇这赛季的进球效率可是每90分钟270球！(Sturridge scoring 270 goals per 90 mins.)
Sjieshkebab(未知主队球迷)：利物浦踢得这么风骚，渣叔都忍不住在场边大力*飞机打**来庆祝了…(Liverpool playing so sexy, Klopp couldn't contain himself to give a power wanking for celebration.
Bridgeorl(利物浦球迷)：我们是第一了，现在赶紧结束联赛吧！(We're top of the league, end the season immediately.)
AlphaPi(切尔西球迷)：哦不，亲爱的，联赛昨天就结束了呢！(Um no honey, season ended yesterday.)
McCevap(阿森纳球迷)：这真是最近看过的最一边倒的比赛了！(the most dominant wins I've seen in a while.)
NotRobot(西汉姆联球迷)：再等几个小时吧，你们马上就踢曼城了…(Give it a few hours - you're up next to city.)
(图)：皮克退出国家队后...
皮克登贝莱进球，巴萨2-1塞维利亚
elpadrin0(利物浦球迷)：现在可以说登贝莱就是法国的姆巴佩了！(Dembele is the French Mbappe now.)
imfatal(未知主队球迷)：这场比赛就是重复*放播**梅西创造机会，然后苏牙浪射的集锦而已…(This match is about repeating tons of incredible pass from Messi completely wasted by Suarez.)
t_mac1(未知主队球迷)：梅西在挠头的时候一定在想，要是自己能给自己传球该多好…(messi scratches his head a lot. he must be thinking: how do i pass to myself?)
Jacamacho(贝蒂斯球迷)：苏牙一定度过了一个美好的夏天！看体型就知道了…(It looks like Suarez had a very happy summer, in awe at his size.)
Guccionmycorpse(巴萨球迷)：把苏牙换下去吧，让皮克踢中锋好不好…(sub off suarez and play pique there pls.)
(图)：如果这是边裁，我就去扔90分钟的边线球...