Part 1
Application?
你的申请表呢？
I'm actually more of a theorist.
事实上我更多的是一个理论家。
The application in your hand. Give it to her.
你手里的申请表，给她。
Take this to the testing area, put your name at the top, sign the bottom, answer the questions, bring it back. Next!
拿着去测试区，表格顶端写好名字。在最底下签名，答完问题再拿回来，下一个。
Excuse me, but I have some concerns about these questions.
对不起，关于这些问题我有些疑问。
Look at that sign up there. Yes?
看看那里的告示。嗯？
Does it say I give a damn?
有没有写我乐意搭理呢？
No. That's because I don't.
没有。那是因为我不乐意呗。
Just look. See, this first question makes no sense.
看一下啦，第一个问题讲不通啊。
How many car lengths should you leave in front of you when driving? There's no possible way to answer that.
开车时你需与前车保持多少车长的距离，不可能有答案。
A car length is not a standardized unit of measure.
车长根本不是标准度量单位。
Look at the sign.
看告示。
Sheldon, it's C. Just put down C. I don't need your help, Penny. Listen to that little girl, honey. Put C. Next!
谢尔顿是C啦，选C就好了。佩妮我不要你帮忙。亲爱的，听那小姑娘的选C，下一个。
No, wait! No, hang on. Look at this next question. Sheldon, why are you arguing with the DMV?
不等下！等等看下一个问题。谢尔顿你干嘛要和车管局的争论呢？
How else are they going to learn?
要不然他们怎能学到东西？
Look...question two, When are roadways most slippery? Now, okay, there are three answers, none of which are correct.
看...问题二，什么时候路道最滑？瞧三个答案全是错的。
The correct answer is when covered by a film of liquid sufficient to reduce the coefficient of static friction between the tire and the road to essentially zero, but not so deep as to introduce a new source of friction.
正解是当覆盖一层足够减少摩擦系数的液体在轮胎和路之间达到零始态，而这液态膜又不至于成为新的摩擦源。
Here's your learner's permit. Go away.
你的驾驶学习许可，快走。
But I'm not done. I have many additional concerns about these questions.
还没说完呢，关于这些问题我还有很多疑问。
Don't make me climb over this counter. Come on. Let's go. Next! Aced it.
别逼我爬出柜台扁你。行了走吧。下一个！搞定。
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Part 2
Okay, that's it. Let's boot it up. Booting.
好成了，启动吧。启动。
This is a state of the art simulator. I adapted it from something a friend of mine designed for the army.
这是最先进的模拟器。我照一朋友给军方设计改装的。
Is that why I appear to be in downtown Fallujah behind the wheel of an uparmored Humvee?
所以我在费卢杰市区跟在一辆全副武装的悍马后面？
I haven't configured it yet. Let's see... Bradley tank...transport truck... Batmobile...Ohh! No.
还没有作设置。我看看，布莱德利坦克，运输卡车，蝙蝠侠车，哦！不行。
Here we go. Red 2006 Ford Taurus on the streets of Pasadena. What?
好了，帕萨迪纳市街道2006款红色福特金牛星。想说啥？
Statistically, red cars are stopped by police far more often than any other color.
统计显示，红车远比其他车被警察扣的多。
I don't want any hassles with the fuzz.
我可不想和警察争论。
Fine, what color do you want?
行了，你想要什么颜色的？
You know the pale blue of Luke Skywalker's light saber? Before it was digitally remastered ?
知道天行者路克光剑的灰蓝色不？数码修复之前的那种？
Black, it is. Okay, now, what you want to do first is turn on the ignition and shift into drive.
黑色，就是它了。好，首先你要点火然后挂挡。
I haven't fastened my seat belt yet.
我还没有系上安全带呢。
Okay, fasten your seat belt.
好啦，系上吧。
Click. Now, are there air bags? You don't need air bags. What if a simulated van rear ends me?
系好了。有安全气囊吗？你不需要安全气囊。万一模拟货车追尾了呢？
I'll hit you in the face with a pillow.
我会用枕头打你脸的。
Okay, now shift into drive. Pull out slowly into traffic.
好，现在换到驾驶档。慢慢驶上路。
Watch out, watch, watch out for the pedestrians! Oh, God. Wait slow Hit the brakes! The brakes!
小心，小心路人！天等等，慢点，刹车！刹车！
Thank you. Sorry. Excuse me. My bad. Student driver.
谢了。对不起。抱歉。我的错。新手上路。
How did you manage to get on the second floor of the Glendale Galleria?
你怎么上的格兰岱尔商场二楼的？
I don't know. I was on the Pasadena freeway. I missed my exit, flew off the overpass, and one thing led to another.
我不知道，我本来在帕萨迪纳高速路。我错过出口，飞过天桥，接二连三的...
Maybe you want to give it a rest and try again tomorrow. No. I quit.
也许你可以休息下，明天再练。不，我不干了。
Aw, the pet store.
呀，宠物店。
（本期完）