小伙伴们大家好，欢迎来到本期的“国外也有段子手”！上周的欧洲赛场精彩看点层出不穷。欧冠赛场，阿贾克斯在伯纳乌大胜皇马，曼联逆转巴黎晋级，热刺战胜多特。周末联赛，阿森纳赢下了和曼联的焦点之战，曼城取胜继续领跑，切尔西取得平局，而利物浦、巴萨、皇马等球队则纷纷取胜。好了，话不多说，让我们快来看看歪果仁们的精彩吐槽吧！
主场被逆转，皇马1-4阿贾克斯
Skabeg(俄罗斯球迷)：万万没想到，皇马竟然一周内在主场成了三冠亡…(Can’t believe Real Madrid is going to do reverse treble in a span of week at home.)
goko19 (未知主队球迷)：巴萨一定是在伯纳乌施展了血魔法！(Barcelona did some blood magic and left Bernabeu.)
Brooklynn7(未知主队球迷)：我能做证！那天我看见有条水蛭在咬梅西的大丁丁呢！(It’s true, I just saw a leech sucking Messi’s big dick.)
(注：此梗源自美剧《权力的游戏》)
afcaMouz(阿贾克斯球迷)：现在德容还没在巴萨踢过一场比赛，就已经成为巴萨名宿啦！(At this point Frenkie will become a Barca legend without playing a single game.)
ShutupNdSquat(曼联球迷)：尤文球迷们，快去看看你们的评论区是不是突然多了很多新球迷？(Juve fans, Check your teams subreddit for a sudden influx of new member.)
拉什福德绝杀，曼联3-1巴黎
ar7_mufc(曼联球迷)：博格巴上一场染红，就是为了洗牌留力给1/4决赛！拉莫斯可得学着点啊。(Pogba getting that red card to save himself for the quarterfinals. Take note, Ramos.)
cmf_ans(曼联球迷)：这比赛看得我和我的狗都突发心脏病了，我死了不要紧，但快来人救救我的狗命啊！(MY DOG IS HAVING A HEART ATTACK WITH ME I DONT CARE IF I DIE HELP HER.)
EveryoneDoTheKlopp(利物浦球迷)：索尔斯克亚是不是打算亲自上场绝杀了？不然为啥要穿个替补背心…(Is Ole thinking about subbing himself on for the final goal? I have no other explanation for the vest.)
redwan010(曼联球迷)：边路有个葡萄牙小将，这场景好像有点熟悉…(A young portuguese on the wing where have I seen that before)
PranjalDwivedi(利物浦球迷)：好矛盾啊，我很想看巴黎成为段子王，但又不想看曼联赢球…(So conflicted, I want PSG to become a meme team but then United winning after this performance would be a travesty.)
凯恩进球，热刺1-0多特蒙德
Plasda(热刺球迷)：自从2011年后，热刺成了第一支再次杀进欧冠8强的北伦敦球队！(Tottenham are the first North London club to reach the last 8 of the CL since Tottenham in 2011.)
Esebenito(未知主队球迷)：美国本打算花数十亿美元修建边境隔离墙，但现在发现只需要4亿就可以打包热刺的后防线！(America wants to spend billions on a wall when they can get the whole spurs backline for less than 400 million.)
Chazy89(多特球迷)：热刺为什么会赢？就是因为他们知道得把球往球门里踢！(The secret Spurs won is that they knew they should shoot toward the net.)
CrayonFox(拜仁球迷)：热刺的球门前是不是有一道隐形的墙？(Is there an invisible wall in front of the Tottenham goal line?
客场输球，阿森纳1-3雷恩
nightinthewoods(阿森纳球迷)：是谁说大巴黎在法甲的对手都是菜鸡的…(Who said PSG wasn't facing big teams in Ligue 1.)
charlie161998(阿森纳球迷)：人生总是如此痛苦么？还是只有你是阿森纳球迷的时候才这样？(Is life always this hard, or just is it when you are an arsenal fan?)
Matheuzinho37(罗马球迷)：罗马球迷也这样。(Roma fans, too.)
ThePr1d3(雷恩球迷)：如果你为阿森纳感到遗憾，那你一定是不知道我们雷恩在关键时刻就喜欢被逆转…(If you think this makes things difficult for Arsenal. You obviously don't know our ability to bottle it when it counts.)
Jonwinslol(曼联球迷)：你是说雷恩就是法国的大巴黎咯？(are you implying you are the French PSG?)
扎卡奥巴进球，阿森纳2-0曼联
DB_Cooper(丹佛竞技球迷)：这转播角度，不会是把摄影机直接塞进德赫亚天灵盖里去了吧…(fu*k the angle, did they put a camera inside De Gea's skull?)
jabber-mint-noun(未知主队球迷)：感觉就像是到了公元3000年，我们可以通过德赫亚的眼球来观看比赛！(Felt like it was the year 3000 when they went into De Gea's eyeballs for that play.)
HippoBigga(巴萨球迷)：德赫亚一定以为现在自己是在西班牙国家队踢球吧…(De Gea must be thinking he's playing for the national team right now.)
Elemental05(曼城球迷)：如果每次加里-内维尔提到巴黎我就小酌一杯，那估计15分钟我就直接喝挂了…(Do a shot every time Gary mentions Paris. Dead by alcohol in 15 minutes I'd say.)
Azevezdez(巴黎球迷)：阿森纳>曼联>巴黎>雷恩>阿森纳，终于能闭环啦！(Arsenal > United > PSG > Rennes > Arsenal. The circle is complete.)
Mhaydar(曼联球迷)：现在有个新规则，就是如果球员犯规侵犯的对象原谅了他，就可以不用给黄牌了。(New football rule: if the player you tackle forgives you, you don't get a yellow.)
ajn789(利物浦球迷)：这场的主裁Moss实在是太胖了，所以懒得把手伸进口袋里去把黄牌掏出来！(Jon Moss so fat he doesn't want to reach into his pockets to give obvious yellow cards.)
RyanRyan_(利物浦球迷)：Moss一定希望自己的名字也能出现在换人牌上！(Moss hoping his number comes up on the sub board.)
(那Moss这不就是叛逃了？)
菲米马内进球，利物浦4-2伯恩利
244466666(英格兰球迷)：刚刚低头3秒钟去给薯片蘸点酱，结果抬头一看比分就是2-1了？(Look down at my plate for three seconds to dip my chip in my tartar sauce and it’s 2-1 ffs.)
amart99(利物浦球迷)：当马内没时间思考的时候，才是踢得最好的时候…(Mane is the best when he doesn't have time to think.)
Rookwood_(南安普顿球迷)：竟然还能有为利物浦赢球而感到高兴的时候…毕竟我们需要伯恩利来给我们殿后…(Finally a game where I can enjoy liverpool winning, we need burnley to go down this season.)
Nmtaor1(南安普顿球迷)：蹲了几年监狱刚刚放出来，终于又见到了熟悉的球员们，不过我们为啥改名叫利物浦了？(Just leased from jail to have a chance to see my players after these years. But why do we call Liverpool now?)
阿扎尔进球，切尔西1-1狼队
L_CRF 6 points(未知主队球迷)：扛着球队走了这么多年，阿扎尔的肩膀不会痛吗？(How Hazard shoulders arent hurt after so many years carrying this team?)
HypahCS(切尔西球迷)：伊瓜因在场上难道就只是在想晚饭吃什么吗？(Honestly what Higuain did on pitch is thinking about what’s for dinner…)
Imtomyyy(阿森纳球迷)：每次我看切尔西比赛一眼，他们就会进球…(every single time i open chelsea stream they score…)
DeGress90(切尔西球迷)：唉，要是我们踢曼城的时候你也来看看该多好！(Pity that you didn’t watch us against city.)
(图)：知道下边这俩哥们是谁的，请自觉写检讨
tenacious20(未知主队球迷)：要是狼队每一轮都能踢排名前6的球队，那现在他们肯定排在前4了…(If wolves play against the top 6 every week they will be in the top 4.)
Josephzz(未知主队球迷)：如果狼队每一轮只能踢倒数6名的球队，那应该第一轮就提前降级了…(If wolves play against the bottom 6 every week they will relegate in the beginning.)
继续领跑，曼城3-1沃特福德
unglaubich_dich(利物浦球迷)：大卫-席尔瓦是不是植发啦？还以为他的发型要和瓜瓜一样了呢！(Has David Silva had a hair transplant? I thought he was going bald like Pep.)
奔马进球，皇马4-1巴拉多利德
biswajeet116(未知主队球迷)：本泽马这赛季的总进球数，好像已经超过C罗了…(Benzema now has more goals than CR this season in all competition.)
Ggamblr(皇马球迷)：血魔法确实来了，连卡塞米罗都得了张红牌…(Black magic completely come. Casemiro got a red.)
Ugotbaited(皇马球迷)：快停手啊，省点进球留给下一场用吧…(Pls stop we need to save some goals for next game.)
好了，亲爱的小伙伴们，本期的“国外也有段子手”就为大家播报到这了。让我们拭目以待，来看下期歪果仁们更加精彩的犀利吐槽吧！（本文转载自懂球帝，如有侵权请联系删除）