丹尼尔·夏皮罗。
就我个人而言，我对冲突感到不舒服。Now we're here today to find out how to argue"？"现在我们来看看如何进行辩论"。But conflict is useful，但争论是有益的。how to deal with conflict most effectively？如何最有效应对争论？
Here we go，我们开始。Have you found yourself in an argument that felt，你是否发现自己陷入了一场争论？so frustrating，如此令人沮丧。So at a core 王师傅，从核心主要来说。"that's the siliest opinion Pve ever heard"，"那是我听过的最愚蠢的意见"。It felt just non negotiable，这感觉是没有商量余地的。Congratulations！祝贺！You're a human being，你是人类。We all experience conflict in our lives，我们在生活中都会经历冲突。and seeing what's going on in a world today，my hunches.看看当今世界发生了什么，我预感。
you were probably having at least，你可能至少有one of these conflicts，其中一个争辩(冲突)。and I'm gonna do everything I can to prove "'m right"，我会尽我所能证明我是对的。
"You're wrong" and to stifle you down to raise me up，"你是错的"并且控诉你的观点来证明自己。
The problem is not with the what，问题不在于是什么。
What are we arguing about？我们在争论什么？
the problemwas with the how，Should we argue？How can we be more effective？我们如何才能更有效的争论？And what Pve found is that there's 3 big barriers，我发现有三大障碍。
that we can actually over come，我们可以克服的。to have more effective conversations，从而进行进行更有效的对话。
The big things，重要的事情。
One， identity，第一，身份。
Two， appreciation。第二，赞赏。
·第三：从属关系。让我们从"身份"开始。
首先这是一个热点问题，我们为什么不这么激动in these conflict situations，在这些冲突情况中它通常会追溯到更深层次的"身份"。核心价值观、核心信念是什么，你内心感受到威胁。
As you re having that conversation with the other side，当你和对方谈话时那一刻你的identity gets hooked in these confilicts身份在这些冲突中被困住。all of a sudden your emotions become突然间你的情绪变得强100倍。
Boy this is a holy different conflict now，伙计这是一场截然不同神圣的冲突。It's now your pride这是你的骄傲。Yoursense of self is on the line，你的自我意识岌岌可危。
那么我们能做什么？You need to know who you are and what you stand for，你需要知道你是谁，你代表什么。
what are the values and beliefs什么样的价值观和信念？that are driving me to fight for this stance on，促使你为这一立场而战。
this issue.The more you understand who you are在这个问题上。你越了解自己是谁？the more you can try to get your purpose met and stay，你越能努力实现你的目标并且保持。
balanced平衡。even the other threatens those core values and beliefs，甚至当别人威胁到你的核心价值观和观念。
Each side wants to feel appreciated and yet the last，然而最后thing they want to do is to appreciate the other side，他们都不想赞赏对方。
So，what can we do？那么我们能做什么？"Listen and understand"。"倾听和理解"。When you're in the midst of the conflict，don't talk，不要说话。Take the first 10 minutes，consciously，有意识地思考10分钟。Listen to the other side，听听对方的观点。What's the value behind their perspective？他们的观点背后的价值观是什么？What's the logic，the rationale逻辑是什么，原理是什么？Why do they hold this perspective on？为什么他们会持这种观点？
Once you truly understand and see the value in their perspective理解并看到他们的价值观。Let them know I hear where you're coming from 让他们知道我明白你的用意。and you know what 你知道，that makes sense there is nothing more in the world that we like世界上没有什么比这更让我们喜欢的了。
then to feel appreciate 墨水墨水，称赞 your power to appreciate them认识到你欣赏他们的能力。
·第三，从属关系。What's the emotional connection like情感连接是怎么样的？between you and the other side，在你和对方之间。
We typically approach these conflict situations as me versus you."My opinion on healthcare versus yours"和你对抗。"我对医疗保健的看法和你的不同"、"我们在移民问题上的观点与你们的不同"。
That's just gonna leave the 2 of you like Rams这只会让你们俩像公羊一样，biting hats相互角逐。那么我们能做什么？"Find common ground""找到共同点"，Turn that other person from an adversary into a partner把对方从对手变成合作伙伴。
So， it's no longer at me versus you.所以，这不再是你我对抗了。but the two of us facing the same shared problem.但我们俩面临着同样的问题。
Ask give a people："look"和一个人问："听我说。
·你有什么建议能让我们获得更多利益？met at the same time？与此同时呢？改变你们谈话的性质。Now，你把这三件事付诸实践。It can transform your relationships。它可以改变你的人际关系。
·想象一下如果开始变革会发生什么？But a positive revolution，但一场积极的变革。of greater understanding，会有更深刻的理解。greater appreciation，greater affliation，更多的欣赏，更大的归属感。I believe it's possible，我相信这是可能的。but it starts with each one of us，但这要从我们每个人开始。