The writer of these humble lines being a Waiter, and having come of a family of Waiters, and owning at the present time five brothers who are all Waiters, and likewise an only sister who is a Waitress, would wish to offer a few words respecting his calling; first having the pleasure of hereby in a friendly manner offering the Dedication of the same unto JOSEPH, much respected Head Waiter at the Slamjam Coffee-house, London, E.C. , than which a individual more eminently deserving of the name of man, or a more amenable honour to his own head and heart, whether considered in the light of a Waiter or regarded as a human being, do not exist.
此篇陋作是一个茶房写的。他出身于茶房世家，目前他的五个弟弟都在当茶房，唯一的妹妹也是茶房，他想就他的职业说几句话。首先在此，他希望以友好的态度将此作献给约瑟夫，伦敦中东区斯拉姆杰姆咖啡馆的年高德劭的茶房领班。不论是从一个茶房的角度还是从做人的角度来看，没有人比他更配得上人这个称号，或者比他在才智与心肠方面更享有盛誉了。
In case confusion should arise in the public mind (which it is open to confusion on many subjects) respecting what is meant or implied by the term Waiter, the present humble lines would wish to offer an explanation.
为了不使“茶房”这个词的含义与内涵在公众的心目中引起混淆（在很多问题上都很容易产生这种混淆），此篇拙作希望可以给出关于这个词语的说明。
It may not be generally known that the person as goes out to wait is NOT a Waiter. It may not be generally known that the hand as is called in extra, at the Freemasons' Tavern, or the London, or the Albion, or otherwise, is NOT a Waiter. Such hands may be took on for Public Dinners by the bushel (and you may know them by their breathing with difficulty when in attendance, and taking away the bottle ere yet it is half out); but such are NOT Waiters. For you cannot lay down the tailoring, or the shoemaking, or the brokering, or the green-grocering, or the pictorial-periodicalling, or the second-hand wardrobe, or the small fancy businesses,—you cannot lay down those lines of life at your will and pleasure by the half-day or evening, and take up Waitering. You may suppose you can, but you cannot; or you may go so far as to say you do, but you do not. Nor yet can you lay down the gentleman's service when stimulated by prolonged incompatibility on the part of Cooks (and here it may be remarked that Cooking and Incompatibility will be mostly found united), and take up Waitering. It has been ascertained that what a gentleman will sit meek under, at home, he will not bear out of doors, at the Slamjam or any similar establishment. Then, what is the inference to be drawn respecting true Waitering? You must be bred to it. You must be born to it.
并非所有的人都知道，出去等着给人端茶倒水的并不能称为茶房。也并非所有的人都知道，那些在共济会的客房里，或者在伦敦，英格兰等地忙不过来的时候叫的帮手也并非茶房。在举行一些盛大的宴会时，根据需求会找寻一些帮手（这些人很好识别，他们招呼客人的时候呼吸困难，酒瓶里的酒还有一半就给收走），但这些跑腿的算不得茶房。因为不管你是裁缝，是鞋匠，是经纪人，是卖蔬菜水果的，是给杂志画插图的，是做买卖二手衣物的，还是卖小玩意的，你都不能随心所欲地在某个中午或者晚上丢下这些活计，干起茶房来。你或许以为自己能，其实你不能；你甚至会以为自己行，其实你也不行。如果你在一位先生那里当帮佣，由于长期以来不能与厨子们友好相处（顺便说下，厨子总是很难相处的），你也不能一气之下就丢下差事，干起茶房来。有一点是肯定的，一个体面的人在家里可以低声下气、逆来顺受，但出了家门，在像斯拉姆杰姆咖啡馆这样的地方可绝对不会这样。那么，什么是真正意义上的茶房呢？你必须自幼就受这方面的熏陶。你必须生来就有这方面的天赋。
Would you know how born to it, Fair Reader,—if of the adorable female sex? Then learn from the biographical experience of one that is a Waiter in the sixty-first year of his age.
美丽的读者——如果您是一位可爱的女性的话——您可知道什么样才是生来就能干茶房吗？那您就从这个已经61岁的老茶房的平生经历中了解一下吧。
You were conveyed,—ere yet your dawning powers were otherwise developed than to harbour vacancy in your inside,—you were conveyed, by surreptitious means, into a pantry adjoining the Admiral Nelson, Civic and General Dining-Rooms, there to receive by stealth that healthful sustenance which is the pride and boast of the British female constitution. Your mother was married to your father (himself a distant Waiter) in the profoundest secrecy; for a Waitress known to be married would ruin the best of businesses,—it is the same as on the stage. Hence your being smuggled into the pantry, and that—to add to the infliction—by an unwilling grandmother. Under the combined influence of the smells of roast and boiled, and soup, and gas, and malt liquors, you partook of your earliest nourishment; your unwilling grandmother sitting prepared to catch you when your mother was called and dropped you; your grandmother's shawl ever ready to stifle your natural complainings; your innocent mind surrounded by uncongenial cruets, dirty plates, dish-covers, and cold gravy; your mother calling down the pipe for veals and porks, instead of soothing you with nursery rhymes. Under these untoward circumstances you were early weaned. Your unwilling grandmother, ever growing more unwilling as your food assimilated less, then contracted habits of shaking you till your system curdled, and your food would not assimilate at all. At length she was no longer spared, and could have been thankfully spared much sooner. When your brothers began to appear in succession, your mother retired, left off her smart dressing (she had previously been a smart dresser), and her dark ringlets (which had previously been flowing), and haunted your father late of nights, lying in wait for him, through all weathers, up the shabby court which led to the back door of the Royal Old Dust-Bin (said to have been so named by George the Fourth), where your father was Head. But the Dust-Bin was going down then, and your father took but little,—excepting from a liquid point of view. Your mother's object in those visits was of a house-keeping character, and you was set on to whistle your father out. Sometimes he came out, but generally not. Come or not come, however, all that part of his existence which was unconnected with open Waitering was kept a close secret, and was acknowledged by your mother to be a close secret, and you and your mother flitted about the court, close secrets both of you, and would scarcely have confessed under torture that you know your father, or that your father had any name than Dick (which wasn't his name, though he was never known by any other), or that he had kith or kin or chick or child. Perhaps the attraction of this mystery, combined with your father's having a damp compartment, to himself, behind a leaky cistern, at the Dust-Bin,—a sort of a cellar compartment, with a sink in it, and a smell, and a plate-rack, and a bottle-rack, and three windows that didn't match each other or anything else, and no daylight,—caused your young mind to feel convinced that you must grow up to be a Waiter too; but you did feel convinced of it, and so did all your brothers, down to your sister. Every one of you felt convinced that you was born to the Waitering. At this stage of your career, what was your feelings one day when your father came home to your mother in open broad daylight,—of itself an act of Madness on the part of a Waiter,—and took to his bed (leastwise, your mother and family's bed), with the statement that his eyes were devilled kidneys. Physicians being in vain, your father expired, after repeating at intervals for a day and a night, when gleams of reason and old business fitfully illuminated his being, "Two and two is five. And three is sixpence." Interred in the parochial department of the neighbouring churchyard, and accompanied to the grave by as many Waiters of long standing as could spare the morning time from their soiled glasses (namely, one), your bereaved form was attired in a white neckankecher, and you was took on from motives of benevolence at The George and Gridiron, theatrical and supper. Here, supporting nature on what you found in the plates (which was as it happened, and but too often thoughtlessly, immersed in mustard), and on what you found in the glasses (which rarely went beyond driblets and lemon), by night you dropped asleep standing, till you was cuffed awake, and by day was set to polishing every individual article in the coffee-room. Your couch being sawdust; your counterpane being ashes of cigars. Here, frequently hiding a heavy heart under the smart tie of your white neckankecher (or correctly speaking lower down and more to the left), you picked up the rudiments of knowledge from an extra, by the name of Bishops, and by calling plate-washer, and gradually elevating your mind with chalk on the back of the corner-box partition, until such time as you used the inkstand when it was out of hand, attained to manhood, and to be the Waiter that you find yourself.
在你其他能力尚未萌生，只知道填饱肚子的时候，你便被偷偷摸摸地带进纳尔逊海军上将纪念碑附近的大众餐馆的餐具间，在那儿偷偷地接受英国女性身体中值得自豪与炫耀的强身健体的养分。你的母亲嫁给你的父亲（他在别处当茶房）是万分机密的，因为一个女茶房如果被人知道她已婚的话，会对她的活计大大地不利——就如同舞台上的演员们一样。于是你被偷运进餐具间，而且——雪上加霜的是——带你去的祖母又极不情愿。在混合了烤肉、炖菜、汤汁、煤气和麦芽酒的气味中，你汲取了你最早期的养料；你的那位极不情愿的祖母坐在一旁，等着接住你，因为一旦你的母亲被唤走，就得把你放下；祖母的围巾随时准备捂住你自然的哭喊声；在你的周围是与你纯真的心灵极不相称的油盐酱醋、脏盘子、盘盖子，还有冷肉卤；你的母亲没有给你唱催眠曲抚慰你，而是天天尖声高喊牛排猪肉。处于这些不利的环境中，你早早的就断了奶。因为你变得消化不良，你那极不情愿的祖母变得更不耐烦了。她养成了不停地摇晃你的习惯，一直把你摇到消化系统失灵，根本不能消化食物。最终她也在劫难逃地死去了，若能再早点脱离苦海，就要谢天谢地了。随着你的弟弟们相继出世，你的母亲辞去了工作，从此脱下了她漂亮的衣服（她以前不管穿什么都很漂亮）也不再将乌黑的头发梳成小卷（以前，卷发总是在脑后晃来晃去的）。每到深夜，无论天气如何，她总是在北面的一个破院子里等着你的父亲，这个院子直通皇家垃圾箱饭店的后门（据说这个名字是乔治四世御赐的），你的父亲就在那里当领班。但是那个时候皇家垃圾箱饭店的生意已经开始走下坡路了，你的父亲挣得很少——除了在酒这个方面。你母亲多次探访的目的就是为了维持家用，她还派你去那里吹哨子，叫你的父亲出来。有些时候他出来，但是一般都不会出来。不管他出来不出来，他的这部分生活虽与公开的茶房活计毫无关系，也是要严守秘密的，对此你的母亲也非常赞同。你和你的母亲在院子里躲躲闪闪，严格保守秘密，即使被严刑逼供也不会承认你们认识你的父亲，或者承认他除了迪克这个名字之外还有其他名字（迪克并不是他的真名，虽然人人都叫他迪克），也不会承认他有任何的亲人家属、老婆孩子。或许正是这种吸引人的神秘气氛，加上你父亲自己在垃圾箱饭店里所住的潮湿房间——它位于漏水的水箱后面，有点像地下室，室内有一个水槽，一股霉味，一只餐具架，一只酒瓶架，还有三扇彼此形状都不尽相同的窗户，没有一点光线——使得你年轻的心灵切实地感觉到你长大后也一定要当茶房，不光是你这样觉得，你的几个弟弟甚至你的妹妹都这样认为。你们每一个人都很确信你们生来就是当茶房的。在你人生的这个阶段，突然有一天，你的父亲在白日里回到了家中，来到你母亲身边，你会有什么样的感受？——这种行为对于茶房本身来说，无异于发疯——然后他躺在床上（也是你母亲与你全家人的床）说他的两只眼睛疼得就像蘸了芥末的腰子。医生也无能为力，你的父亲还是咽了气。他折腾了一天一夜，时而清醒，时而糊涂，念念不忘他的老本行，断断续续地念叨着：“二加二等于五，三个是六便士”之类的胡话。他葬在附近的教区墓地上，那天上午，凡是干了一辈子这个行当又能暂时丢下手里脏杯子的，都去为他送了行（也就一个）。于是失去了父亲的你围上白围巾，在人们的关照下，被领入了乔治烤肉歌舞夜餐馆。在这里，你靠着盘子里的剩饭充饥（这也需要碰运气，通常不知为何，盘子里就剩下点芥末），渴了就喝点杯子里剩下的（一般就是几滴水和一片柠檬）。晚上，你站着站着就睡着了，直到被一巴掌打醒；到了白天，你又被指派去清洗咖啡馆里的每一件用品。你的床上铺满锯屑，床单上尽是雪茄烟灰。在这里，你的重重心事隐藏在白围巾挽成的漂亮领结下（准确地说是再靠下、靠左一点），你的额外收获是通过记住主教的名字、招呼洗碟子的人而掌握了一些入门知识。逐渐地，你开始在角落包厢的隔板背后用粉笔练字提高修养，直到你可以在没人用墨水的时候使用墨水，就这样，你慢慢长大，发现自己成了一个茶房。
I could wish here to offer a few respectful words on behalf of the calling so long the calling of myself and family, and the public interest in which is but too often very limited. We are not generally understood. No, we are not. Allowance enough is not made for us. For, say that we ever show a little drooping listlessness of spirits, or what might be termed indifference or apathy. Put it to yourself what would your own state of mind be, if you was one of an enormous family every member of which except you was always greedy, and in a hurry. Put it to yourself that you was regularly replete with animal food at the slack hours of one in the day and again at nine p.m., and that the repleter you was, the more voracious all your fellow-creatures came in. Put it to yourself that it was your business, when your digestion was well on, to take a personal interest and sympathy in a hundred gentlemen fresh and fresh (say, for the sake of argument, only a hundred), whose imaginations was given up to grease and fat and gravy and melted butter, and abandoned to questioning you about cuts of this, and dishes of that,—each of 'em going on as if him and you and the bill of fare was alone in the world. Then look what you are expected to know. You are never out, but they seem to think you regularly attend everywhere. "What's this, Christopher, that I hear about the smashed Excursion Train?" "How are they doing at the Italian Opera, Christopher?" "Christopher, what are the real particulars of this business at the Yorkshire Bank?" Similarly a ministry gives me more trouble than it gives the Queen. As to Lord Palmerston, the constant and wearing connection into which I have been brought with his lordship during the last few years is deserving of a pension. Then look at the Hypocrites we are made, and the lies (white, I hope) that are forced upon us! Why must a sedentary-pursuited Waiter be considered to be a judge of horseflesh, and to have a most tremendous interest in horse-training and racing? Yet it would be half our little incomes out of our pockets if we didn't take on to have those sporting tastes. It is the same (inconceivable why!) with Farming.
在这里，我想就我的职业说一些恭敬的话。到目前为止，它仍是我自己与家人的职业，而一般很少有人对它感兴趣。一般来说，人们并不理解我们。是的，不理解。我们得不到足够的体谅。比如说，大家说我们经常是一副无精打采的样子，或者说我们漠不关心、冷冷冰冰。换作是你，除了自己以外，还有一大家子人在等吃等喝，你的精神状态会是怎样？你只能在下午一点和晚上九点生意清淡的时候吃点肉，而且只有越多的客人光顾，他们消费得越多，你才能吃到越多的肉。换作是你，你会怎样？正当你的消化欲望无比强烈的时候，你却不得不一遍又一遍地招呼一百位陆续光临的顾客（为了便于讨论，我就暂且说只有一百位），他们满脑子都在想黄油、肥肉、肉卤和黄油酱，不厌其烦地问你这块肉是什么肉，那盘菜叫什么菜，仿佛整个世界上只有你、他和菜单。换作是你，你会如何？那么再来看看你还需要掌握些什么知识。你从不离开餐厅到外面去，但是他们总是以为你无处不去。“克里斯托弗，我听说游览火车撞车了，这是怎么一回事？”“克里斯托弗，意大利歌剧院这几天演什么呢？”“克里斯托弗，约克郡银行的实际业务情况究竟怎么样啊？”同样地，内阁部门给我造成的麻烦比他们给女王的还多。至于帕默斯顿勋爵，在过去的几年中我时常为他提供服务，为他不辞辛苦，这让我都有资格得到一份补贴金了。再有，看看我们所充当的伪君子，以及我们不得不说的谎话（我希望是善意的谎言）！为什么一个每天候在店里被使唤的茶房必须会鉴定马的优劣，还要对驯马、赛马有着浓厚的兴趣？然而如果我们对于这些运动没有兴趣的话，我们口袋里的本就不多的小费就会减少一半。对于耕种也是这样（真是令人费解）。
Shooting, equally so. I am sure that so regular as the months of August, September, and October come round, I am ashamed of myself in my own private bosom for the way in which I make believe to care whether or not the grouse is strong on the wing (much their wings, or drumsticks either, signifies to me, uncooked!), and whether the partridges is plentiful among the turnips, and whether the pheasants is shy or bold, or anything else you please to mention.
打猎也是这样。我知道，如同八月、九月和十月总是依次到来一样，我在内心里一直深深为自己感到羞耻的，因为我必须装着十分关心松鸡的翅膀有没有长硬（多数时候是鸡翅，有时是鸡腿，仿佛它们对我来说很重要似的，何况还是没熟的！）；我还得假装非常关心芜菁地里的山鹑多不多，野鸡怕不怕人，或者你们随便提出的任何问题。
Yet you may see me, or any other Waiter of my standing, holding on by the back of the box, and leaning over a gentleman with his purse out and his bill before him, discussing these points in a confidential tone of voice, as if my happiness in life entirely depended on 'em.
然而你们会看到，当一位先生掏出钱包把账单拿到面前时，我或者我的同行就会把手搭在包厢隔板的背面，哈着腰，推心置腹地与他讨论着这些问题，仿佛这关系着我们生活中所有的幸福。
I have mentioned our little incomes. Look at the most unreasonable point of all, and the point on which the greatest injustice is done us! Whether it is owing to our always carrying so much change in our right-hand trousers-pocket, and so many halfpence in our coat-tails, or whether it is human nature (which I were loth to believe), what is meant by the everlasting fable that Head Waiters is rich? How did that fable get into circulation? Who first put it about, and what are the facts to establish the unblushing statement? Come forth, thou slanderer, and refer the public to the Waiter's will in Doctors' Commons supporting thy malignant hiss! Yet this is so commonly dwelt upon—especially by the screws who give Waiters the least—that denial is vain; and we are obliged, for our credit's sake, to carry our heads as if we were going into a business, when of the two we are much more likely to go into a union. There was formerly a screw as frequented the Slamjam ere yet the present writer had quitted that establishment on a question of teaing his assistant staff out of his own pocket, which screw carried the taunt to its bitterest height. Never soaring above threepence, and as often as not grovelling on the earth a penny lower, he yet represented the present writer as a large holder of Consols, a lender of money on mortgage, a Capitalist. He has been overheard to dilate to other customers on the allegation that the present writer put out thousands of pounds at interest in Distilleries and Breweries. "Well, Christopher," he would say (having grovelled his lowest on the earth, half a moment before), "looking out for a House to open, eh? Can't find a business to be disposed of on a scale as is up to your resources, humph?" To such a dizzy precipice of falsehood has this misrepresentation taken wing, that the well-known and highly-respected OLD CHARLES, long eminent at the West Country Hotel, and by some considered the Father of the Waitering, found himself under the obligation to fall into it through so many years that his own wife (for he had an unbeknown old lady in that capacity towards himself) believed it! And what was the consequence? When he was borne to his grave on the shoulders of six picked Waiters, with six more for change, six more acting as pall-bearers, all keeping step in a pouring shower without a dry eye visible, and a concourse only inferior to Royalty, his pantry and lodgings was equally ransacked high and low for property, and none was found! How could it be found, when, beyond his last monthly collection of walking-sticks, umbrellas, and pocket-handkerchiefs (which happened to have been not yet disposed of, though he had ever been through life punctual in clearing off his collections by the month), there was no property existing? Such, however, is the force of this universal libel, that the widow of Old Charles, at the present hour an inmate of the Almshouses of the Cork-Cutters' Company, in Blue Anchor Road (identified sitting at the door of one of 'em, in a clean cap and a Windsor arm-chair, only last Monday), expects John's hoarded wealth to be found hourly! Nay, ere yet he had succumbed to the grisly dart, and when his portrait was painted in oils life-size, by subscription of the frequenters of the West Country, to hang over the coffee-room chimney-piece, there were not wanting those who contended that what is termed the accessories of such a portrait ought to be the Bank of England out of window, and a strong-box on the table. And but for better-regulated minds contending for a bottle and screw and the attitude of drawing,—and carrying their point,—it would have been so handed down to posterity.
我曾提到过我们微薄的收入。现在来看看最不合理的一点吧，这是我们所受到的最不公平的待遇！也许是由于我们右边口袋里总是装着不少零钱，也许是由于我们上衣后摆里总是放了不少半便士铜币，又或许是人类的本性（我不愿意相信是这样的），大家总是说茶房领班都很有钱，这到底是什么意思呢？这种流言是怎么流传起来的呢？是谁开的头，他又凭什么说出这些不知脸红的话呢？站出来，你这个造谣*谤诽**的家伙，将法院公证过的茶房的遗嘱拿来给大家看看，来证明你的恶言呀！然而谣言流传得如此之广——尤其是在那些给茶房小费最少的那些吝啬鬼们中间——否认也白搭；为了我们自己的面子，我们不得不抬头挺胸装出一副如果有人愿意，我们就会合伙和他做生意的势头。原先这里有个经常光顾斯拉姆杰姆咖啡馆的小气鬼。那时候，现在的笔者还没有因为自己掏腰包请手下人喝茶而离开斯拉姆杰姆咖啡馆，那个小气鬼总是对我们横加嘲讽。他给的小费从没超过三便士，也从不愿多掏一便士，然而他却说我的手里持有大量的统一公债券，还放高利贷，是个资本家。有人无意中听到他夸大其辞地对别的顾客宣称，我将数千英镑放贷给酿造房和啤酒厂，从中收取利息。“好啊，克里斯托弗，“他总对我说（就在刚刚给了很少的小费之后），“找个店面开张怎么样啊？”“怎么，凭你的财力，还找不到合适的投资项目吗？”总之，谣言像长了翅膀似的满天飞，弄得人们头晕目眩，难辨真伪，以至于那位德高望重、在西城旅馆久负盛誉、甚至被一些人看作是茶房之父的老查尔斯这么多年来也辩解不清，甚至他的妻子（他也有一位不为人知的老太太在为他履行妻子的职责）都信以为真。那么结果又如何呢？他下葬时，有六个被选中的茶房抬着他，身后还有六个等着替换的，六个护柩的，所有的人痛哭流涕，没有一只眼睛是干的，这样的送葬规模仅次于皇家待遇。回来后，他的餐具室和住处也被上上下下搜索了一遍，却什么也没找到。怎么能够找到？他的遗物除了上个月捡到的一根拐杖、几把伞和一些手绢（恰好是他还没有处理掉的，他这一生总是每月定时清理这些东西），再无它物。这就是无处不在的*谤诽**的力量。老查尔斯的遗孀目前尽管已经住进了位于蓝锚路上的软木塞开发公司的养老院，（上周一我还在养老院门口看见过她，她带着整洁的帽子，与其他人一起坐在温莎扶手椅里），仍然在想着说不定哪一天就会找到约翰藏的财宝呢！不仅如此，在他化为尘埃之前，西城饭店的常客们就凑钱为他画了一幅真人大小的油画挂在餐厅的壁炉架上。有些客人表示不喜欢，他们挑刺说，这幅画应该多一些衬托的东西，比如在窗外画上英格兰银行或者在桌子上画上保险箱等等。但也有一些脑子比较清醒的人指出，画里应该增添一个瓶子、塞子、以及拔塞子的姿态，这些人的观点得以通过，这才没有使得这幅画按照那个样子流传下来。
I am now brought to the title of the present remarks. Having, I hope without offence to any quarter, offered such observations as I felt it my duty to offer, in a free country which has ever dominated the seas, on the general subject, I will now proceed to wait on the particular question.
现在我得回到正题上来了。我无意冒犯任何其他行业中的人，我所说的话仅是我的职责所在。在这个号称海上霸主的自由国度里，我将继续就这个问题加以说明。
At a momentous period of my life, when I was off, so far as concerned notice given, with a House that shall be nameless,—for the question on which I took my departing stand was a fixed charge for waiters, and no House as commits itself to that eminently Un-English act of more than foolishness and baseness shall be advertised by me,—I repeat, at a momentous crisis, when I was off with a House too mean for mention, and not yet on with that to which I have ever since had the honour of being attached in the capacity of Head, I was casting about what to do next. Then it were that proposals were made to me on behalf of my present establishment. Stipulations were necessary on my part, emendations were necessary on my part: in the end, ratifications ensued on both sides, and I entered on a new career.
在我人生中的一个至关重要的阶段，有消息传来说我被解雇了，至于是哪个餐馆解雇的，就不用说了，因为之所以被解雇也无非是那些常用的借口，而我对那些行为愚蠢、卑鄙至极，且不符合英国人情的餐馆，我是不会为之作宣传的——我再说一遍，在我人生的一个重要转折时刻，当我离开了一个无须再提的卑鄙餐馆，还没有到我后来有幸担任茶房领班的那家餐厅上班的时候，我开始考虑今后要做些什么。有人代表现在的这家餐厅向我提出邀请。我提出了必要的条件，并做了必要的补充。最后，我们签订了合同，我进入了一个崭新的职业生涯。
We are a bed business, and a coffee-room business. We are not a general dining business, nor do we wish it. In consequence, when diners drop in, we know what to give 'em as will keep 'em away another time. We are a Private Room or Family business also; but Coffee-room principal. Me and the Directory and the Writing Materials and cetrer occupy a place to ourselves—a place fended of up a step or two at the end of the Coffee-room, in what I call the good old-fashioned style. The good old-fashioned style is, that whatever you want, down to a wafer, you must be olely and solely dependent on the Head Waiter for. You must put yourself a new-born Child into his hands. There is no other way in which a business untinged with Continental Vice can be conducted. (It were bootless to add, that if languages is required to be jabbered and English is not good enough, both families and gentlemen had better go somewhere else.)
我们提供住宿，也提供餐饮。我们经营的不是一般的餐饮，也不愿经营一般性餐饮。每当有食客光顾时，我们知道怎样打发他们，让他们下次再也不来了。我们有私人包厢，也有家庭式聚餐，但以卖酒为主。我在餐厅的一头单独占据一块地方，里面放着人名地址簿和笔墨纸张等，这个围起来的空间在餐厅一头，高出周围一两个台阶，四周用栏杆围着，我把它叫做美好的老式风格。这美好的老式风格指的是不管你要什么，甚至是一张封信的胶条，你也必须找茶房领班要。你必须把自己当成他手里一个刚出生的婴儿，什么都得依靠他。任何一家生意要想不沾染欧洲大陆上的恶习，就再无别的方式可选。（毋须一提的是，如果一定要用语言表达而英语又不够好的话，请诸位太太、小姐和先生们最好到别处用餐。）
When I began to settle down in this right-principled and well-conducted House, I noticed, under the bed in No. 24B (which it is up a angle off the staircase, and usually put off upon the lowly-minded), a heap of things in a corner.
当我开始在这个有着良好规则且经营有方的旅店安顿下来后，我注意到，在24B室（它位于楼梯上面的一个拐角处，通常住的都是一些没什么身份的人），床下的角落里有一堆东西。
I asked our Head Chambermaid in the course of the day,
白天上班的时候，我问了下负责收拾客房的侍女领班：
"What are them things in 24 B?”
“24B室里放着什么东西啊？”
To which she answered with a careless air, "Somebody's Luggage."
对于这个问题，她漫不经心地回答说：“某某人的行李。”
Regarding her with a eye not free from severity, I says, "Whose Luggage?"
我很严厉地看了她一眼，说：“谁的行李？”
Evading my eye, she replied,
她避开我的目光回答道：
"Lor! How should I know!"
“啊！那我怎么知道！”
—Being, it may be right to mention, a female of some pertness, though acquainted with her business.
应该说一下，她是一个相当没礼貌的家伙，尽管干活还比较娴熟。
A Head Waiter must be either Head or Tail. He must be at one extremity or the other of the social scale. He cannot be at the waist of it, or anywhere else but the extremities. It is for him to decide which of the extremities.
当茶房领班就得有领头的样子，否则就得跟在别人后面当尾巴。在社会等级中，他必须站在这头或者那头。不能在中间，只能在两头。他得自己决定到底要站在哪一头。
On the eventful occasion under consideration, I give Mrs. Pratchett so distinctly to understand my decision, that I broke her spirit as towards myself, then and there, and for good. Let not inconsistency be suspected on account of my mentioning Mrs. Pratchett as "Mrs.," and having formerly remarked that a waitress must not be married. Readers are respectfully requested to notice that Mrs. Pratchett was not a waitress, but a chambermaid. Now a chambermaid MAY be married; if Head, generally is married,—or says so. It comes to the same thing as expressing what is customary. (N.B. Mr. Pratchett is in Australia, and his address there is "the Bush.")
在那个关键时刻，我让普拉谢特太太清清楚楚地明白了我的魄力，不仅当时挫了她的锐气，而且让她以后不敢在我面前嚣张。当我称呼普拉谢特太太为“太太”的时候，大家请不要怀疑我的前后论调不一致，因为我前面提到过一个女茶房是不能结婚的。在这里我礼貌地提醒各位读者，我先前说了普拉谢特太太是收拾客房的侍女，而不是茶房。侍女是可以结婚的；侍女的领头一般都是结了婚的——或者据说是结过婚的。所以根据习惯一般都是这么称呼她们的。（注：普拉谢特先生目前在澳大利亚，他在那里的住址是“丛林”。）
Having took Mrs. Pratchett down as many pegs as was essential to the future happiness of all parties, I requested her to explain herself.
为了保证以后大家能够和平相处，我得现在就制住普拉谢特太太，于是我要求她做出解释。
"For instance," I says, to give her a little encouragement, "who is Somebody?"
“比如说，”我说道，稍微提示了一下她，“谁是某某人啊？”
"I give you my sacred honour, Mr. Christopher," answers Pratchett, "that I haven't the faintest notion."
“我用我神圣的名誉担保，克里斯托弗先生，”普拉谢特回答道：“我真的一点都不知道。”
But for the manner in which she settled her cap-strings, I should have doubted this; but in respect of positiveness it was hardly to be discriminated from an affidavit.
如果不是看到她整理帽带的姿势，我会对她的话有所怀疑，但是就可信度而言，她的话与宣誓书相差无几。
"Then you never saw him?" I followed her up with.
“那么你从来没见过他了？”我又追问了一句。
"Nor yet," said Mrs. Pratchett, shutting her eyes and making as if she had just took a pill of unusual circumference,—which gave a remarkable force to her denial,—"nor yet any servant in this house. All have been changed, Mr. Christopher, within five year, and Somebody left his Luggage here before then."
“没有。”普拉谢特太太闭上了眼睛说道，那样子就像是刚吞吃下了一个巨大的药丸——为她的否认增添了不小的可信度——“而且这家旅店的任何一个佣人都没见过。克里斯托弗先生，五年之间什么都改变了，而某某人是在五年之前就把行李放在这里的。“
Inquiry of Miss Martin yielded (in the language of the Bard of A.1.) "confirmation strong." So it had really and truly happened. Miss Martin is the young lady at the bar as makes out our bills; and though higher than I could wish considering her station, is perfectly well-behaved.
询问马丁小姐的（用A.1.公路上吟游诗人的话来说）结论就是“确实如此”。看来是确有此事了。马丁小姐是酒吧里的年轻小姐，负责给我们开账单。尽管她的地位比我要高——对此我不得不承认——她一向行为端正。
Farther investigations led to the disclosure that there was a bill against this Luggage to the amount of two sixteen six. The Luggage had been lying under the bedstead of 24 B over six year. The bedstead is a four-poster, with a deal of old hanging and valance, and is, as I once said, probably connected with more than 24 Bs,—which I remember my hearers was pleased to laugh at, at the time.
进一步的调查使我了解到，这个行李关乎到一张两英镑十六先令六便士的账单。这个行李放在24B室的床架子下已经六年多了。这个床架子有四根柱子，周围是一些老式的帷幔和挂布，我曾经说过，它应该不只与24B室有关——我记得我当时说起的时候他们都笑了。
I don't know why,—when DO we know why?—but this Luggage laid heavy on my mind. I fell a wondering about Somebody, and what he had got and been up to. I couldn't satisfy my thoughts why he should leave so much Luggage against so small a bill. For I had the Luggage out within a day or two and turned it over, and the following were the items:—A black portmanteau, a black bag, a desk, a dressing-case, a brown-paper parcel, a hat-box, and an umbrella strapped to a walking-stick. It was all very dusty and fluey. I had our porter up to get under the bed and fetch it out; and though he habitually wallows in dust,—swims in it from morning to night, and wears a close-fitting waistcoat with black calamanco sleeves for the purpose,—it made him sneeze again, and his throat was that hot with it that it was obliged to be cooled with a drink of Allsopp's draft.
我不知道为什么——我们又有什么时候知道过呢？——这些行李一直沉甸甸地压在我的心上。我很纳闷这个某某人到底是谁，他为什么要这么做。我想不通他为什么会为了这么一点点钱放弃这么些行李。因为一两天后，我就把这行李取出来翻了个遍，下面所列就是里面的东西：一只黑色旅行皮包，一个黑色袋子，一个文具箱，一个梳妆盒，一只牛皮纸包，一只帽匣，还有一把雨伞与一根手杖绑在一起。它们全都积满了灰尘，像蓄了一层毛。我让脚夫钻进床底把它取了出来，尽管他已经习惯了吞咽灰尘——从早到晚游弋于灰尘之中，还专门为此穿了件紧身背心，带着黑色的毛呢袖套——灰尘还是呛得他打了几个喷嚏，他的喉咙也是火辣辣的，最后不得不喝了一大杯奥尔索普清凉水。
The Luggage so got the better of me, that instead of having it put back when it was well dusted and washed with a wet cloth,—previous to which it was so covered with feathers that you might have thought it was turning into poultry, and would by-and-by begin to Lay,—I say, instead of having it put back, I had it carried into one of my places downstairs. There from time to time I stared at it and stared at it, till it seemed to grow big and grow little, and come forward at me and retreat again, and go through all manner of performances resembling intoxication. When this had lasted weeks,—I may say months, and not be far out,—I one day thought of asking Miss Martin for the particulars of the Two sixteen six total. She was so obliging as to extract it from the books,—it dating before her time,—and here follows a true copy:
这堆行李总是让我惦记，我没有把它放回原处，而是把上面的灰尘掸了掸，又用湿布把它擦干净——在此之前，它积满灰尘，像长了羽毛一样，你会以为这是一群家禽，不久以后就会孵出蛋了——我是说，我没有把这行李放回去，而是把它搬进楼下一间我的屋子里了。我时不时地盯着它看，看着看着，它似乎一会变大，一会又变小，一会在向我走来，一会又退回去了，像醉酒一样表演着各种各样的姿态。当这种状况持续了几个礼拜后——也可以说几个月，不会相差太多——有一天，我突然想到去找马丁小姐要回这份总额为两镑十六先令六便士的账单，看看其中的明细。她很热心地帮我从账本上抄了一份来——还是她管账以前的账本，——这里是一份精确的副本：
Coffee-Room. 1856. No. 4 Pounds s. d. Feb.2d, Pen and Paper 0 0 6 Port Negus 0 2 0 Ditto 0 2 0 Pen and paper 0 0 6 Tumbler broken 0 2 6 Brandy 0 2 0 Pen and paper 0 0 6 Anchovy toast 0 2 6 Pen and paper 0 0 6 Bed 0 3 0 Feb.3d, Pen and paper 0 0 6 Breakfast 0 2 6 Broiled ham 0 2 0 Eggs 0 1 0 Watercresses 0 1 0 Shrimps 0 1 0 Pen and paper 0 0 6 Blotting-paper 0 0 6 Messenger to Paternoster Row and back 0 1 6 Again, when No Answer 0 1 6 Brandy 2s., Devilled Pork chop 2s. 0 4 0 Pens and paper 0 1 0 Messenger to Albemarle Street and back 0 1 0 Again (detained), when No Answer 0 1 6 Salt-cellar broken 0 3 6 Large Liquour-glass Orange Brandy 0 1 6 Dinner, Soup, Fish, Joint, and bird 0 7 6 Bottle old East India Brown 0 8 0 Pen and paper 0 0 6 2 16 6
餐馆1856年 四号桌镑 先令 便士２月２号 笔和纸 0 0 6 尼格斯酒 0 2 0 同上 0 2 0 笔和纸 0 0 6 打碎玻璃杯一只 0 2 6 白兰地 0 2 0 笔和纸 0 0 6 凤尾鱼吐司 0 2 6 笔和纸 0 0 6 住宿 0 3 02月３号 笔和纸 0 0 6 早餐 0 2 6 烤火腿 0 2 0 鸡蛋 0 1 0 水田芥 0 1 0 虾 0 1 0 笔和纸 0 6 0 吸水纸 0 0 6 派脚夫去念珠街来回 0 1 6 无答复，再去一次 0 1 6 ２先令白兰地２先令辣猪排 0 4 0 笔和纸 0 1 6 派脚夫去阿尔比马尔接来回 0 1 0 无答复 0 1 6 打破盐瓶一只 0 3 6 橘子白兰地甜酒一大杯 0 1 6晚餐、汤、鱼、大块肉、家禽0 7 6东印度红陈酒一瓶 0 8 0 笔和纸 0 0 6 1 6 6
Mem. : January 1st, 1857. He went out after dinner, directing luggage to be ready when he called for it. Never called.
附记：1857年1月1日，此人饭后外出，交代说日后前来领取行李，但自此再没前来。
So far from throwing a light upon the subject, this bill appeared to me, if I may so express my doubts, to involve it in a yet more lurid halo. Speculating it over with the Mistress, she informed me that the luggage had been advertised in the Master's time as being to be sold after such and such a day to pay expenses, but no farther steps had been taken. (I may here remark, that the Mistress is a widow in her fourth year. The Master was possessed of one of those unfortunate constitutions in which Spirits turns to Water, and rises in the ill-starred Victim.)
看了这个账单，不但没有使我明白这件事情，反而似乎（如果我可以这样表达我的疑虑的话）使我更迷惑不解了。我跟老板娘说起这件事，她告诉我，早在老板在世的时候，曾就这些行李贴过告示，说如果在若干天之内不前来领取就将行李卖掉以交付拖欠费用，但是后来一直也没有采取进一步的行动。（这里我说一声，我们的老板娘守寡已经四年了。我们的老板沾染了一种不幸的病，使得酒精对于他来说跟水没什么区别，并最终不幸成了其牺牲品。）
My speculating it over, not then only, but repeatedly, sometimes with the Mistress, sometimes with one, sometimes with another, led up to the Mistress's saying to me,—whether at first in joke or in earnest, or half joke and half earnest, it matters not:
我不停地猜测这件事，不仅在那时，之后也一再如此。有时候跟老板娘说，有时候又跟这个人、那个人说，最后老板娘对我说——不管她起先是开玩笑还是当真，或半开玩笑半当真，这些都无所谓：
"Christopher, I am going to make you a handsome offer."
“克里斯托弗，我有一个很好的提议。”
(If this should meet her eye,—a lovely blue,—may she not take it ill my mentioning that if I had been eight or ten year younger, I would have done as much by her! That is, I would have made her a offer. It is for others than me to denominate it a handsome one.)
（如果她的眼睛——那可爱的蓝眼睛——看到这些文字，希望她不要生气。我想说，如果我年轻八到十岁的话，我会对她有个提议。也就是说，我会向她求婚。别人一定会说这才是个很好的提议。）
"Christopher, I am going to make you a handsome offer."
“克里斯托弗，我有个很好的提议。”
"Put a name to it, ma'am."
“请说，太太。”
"Look here, Christopher. Run over the articles of Somebody's Luggage. You've got it all by heart, I know."
“克里斯托弗，你看。你不妨将某某人的行李数上一遍。我知道，你心里全都记得。”
"A black portmanteau, ma'am, a black bag, a desk, a dressing-case, a brown-paper parcel, a hat-box, and an umbrella strapped to a walking-stick.”
“是的，太太。一只黑色旅行皮包，一只黑袋子，一个文具箱、一个梳妆盒，一个牛皮纸包，一只帽匣，捆扎在一起的一把雨伞和一根手杖。”
"All just as they were left. Nothing opened, nothing tampered with."
“一切都跟当时留下时一模一样。没有被打开，也没有被翻乱。”
"You are right, ma'am. All locked but the brown-paper parcel, and that sealed.”
“是的，太太。除了那个牛皮纸包贴了封条外，其余的都上了锁。”
The Mistress was leaning on Miss Martin's desk at the bar-window, and she taps the open book that lays upon the desk,—she has a pretty-made hand to be sure,—and bobs her head over it and laughs.
老板娘斜靠在酒柜窗口、马丁小姐的帐桌边，用手指敲打桌子上摊开的账本——她的手确实很漂亮——她微微点了点头，笑了。
"Come," says she, "Christopher. Pay me somebody's bill, and you shall have somebody's Luggage."
“这样吧，”她说，“克里斯托弗，你把某某人的帐付了，就能拿走这些行李。”
I rather took to the idea from the first moment; but, "It mayn't be worth the money," I objected, seeming to hold back.
一开始我觉得这主意不错。但是，“它可能不值这个钱。”我拒绝了，表现得有些犹豫。
"That's a Lottery," says the Mistress, folding her arms upon the book,—it ain't her hands alone that's pretty made, the observation extends right up her arms. "Won't you venture two pound sixteen shillings and sixpence in the Lottery? Why, there's no blanks!" says the Mistress; laughing and bobbing her head again, "you MUST win. If you lose, you must win! All prizes in this Lottery! Draw a blank, and remember, Gentlemen-Sportsmen, you'll still be entitled to a black portmanteau, a black bag, a desk, a dressing-case, a sheet of brown paper, a hat-box, and an umbrella strapped to a walking-stick!”
“这就跟抽彩票一样。”老板娘说着，将手臂交叠放在账本上，不光是她的手漂亮，她的胳膊也很美。“你难道不愿意用两镑十六先令六便士赌一把吗？你想，你不会空手而归的！”老板娘说道，又一次点点头笑了，“你一定会赢的。即使你输了，你也会中奖的！因为这张彩票的所有奖品都在这里！即使落空，你想想，玩赌博的先生，你仍然可以得到一只黑色旅行皮包，一只黑袋子，一个文具箱，一只梳妆盒，一张牛皮纸，一只帽匣，捆扎在一起的一把雨伞和一根手杖。”
To make short of it, Miss Martin come round me, and Mrs. Pratchett come round me, and the Mistress she was completely round me already, and all the women in the house come round me, and if it had been Sixteen two instead of Two sixteen, I should have thought myself well out of it. For what can you do when they do come round you?
简单地说，马丁小姐来劝我，普拉谢特太太也来劝我，老板娘更别说了，屋子里的所有女人们都在劝我，这使得我感觉即使不是两镑十六先令而是十六镑两先令，这也会是一笔好买卖。当大家都劝你的时候，你还能怎么做呢？
So I paid the money—down—and such a laughing as there was among 'em! But I turned the tables on 'em regularly, when I said:
于是我付了钱，她们可是乐了半天。不过，我却转败为胜了，我说：
"My family-name is Blue-Beard. I'm going to open Somebody's Luggage all alone in the Secret Chamber, and not a female eye catches sight of the contents!"
“我的姓可是蓝胡子。我要一个人在密室里打开这个行李，没有哪个女人能看到里面有什么。”
Whether I thought proper to have the firmness to keep to this, don't signify, or whether any female eye, and if any, how many, was really present when the opening of the Luggage came off. Somebody's Luggage is the question at present: Nobody's eyes, nor yet noses.
不管我坚持自己一个人看是否合适，也不管有没有女人的眼睛，要是有的话，会有多少女人的眼睛在我打开行李的时候在场，这些都无关紧要。眼前我只关心某某人的行李，而不是某某人的眼睛，更不是某某人的鼻子。
What I still look at most, in connection with that Luggage, is the extraordinary quantity of writing-paper, and all written on! And not our paper neither,—not the paper charged in the bill, for we know our paper,—so he must have been always at it. And he had crumpled up this writing of his, everywhere, in every part and parcel of his luggage. There was writing in his dressing-case, writing in his boots, writing among his shaving-tackle, writing in his hat-box, writing folded away down among the very whalebones of his umbrella.
当我打开行李，最使我目瞪口呆的是，里面有好些写字纸，每一张纸上都写得满满的。他用的纸不是我们的纸——不是账单上记的从我们这里买的纸，因为我认识我们的纸——所以他一定是经常用这种纸写字的。他把写好的纸夹的到处都是，放在他的每一件行李和每一件物品中。他的梳妆盒里有这种纸，靴子里有这种纸，剃须盒里、帽匣里、甚至雨伞的鲸须架子里也夹有这种纸。
His clothes wasn't bad, what there was of 'em. His dressing-case was poor,—not a particle of silver stopper,—bottle apertures with nothing in 'em, like empty little dog-kennels,—and a most searching description of tooth-powder diffusing itself around, as under a deluded mistake that all the chinks in the fittings was divisions in teeth. His clothes I parted with, well enough, to a second-hand dealer not far from St. Clement's Danes, in the Strand,—him as the officers in the Army mostly dispose of their uniforms to, when hard pressed with debts of honour, if I may judge from their coats and epaulets diversifying the window with their backs towards the public. The same party bought in one lot the portmanteau, the bag, the desk, the dressing-case, the hat-box, the umbrella, strap, and walking-stick. On my remarking that I should have thought those articles not quite in his line, he said: "No more ith a man'th grandmother, Mithter Chrithtopher; but if any man will bring hith grandmother here, and offer her at a fair trifle below what the'll feth with good luck when the'th thcoured and turned—I'll buy her!"
他有几件衣服看起来不算太差。可他的梳妆盒却很寒酸——连个银质的鼻烟盖都没有，鼻烟瓶的瓶口敞开着，里面什么也没有，就像是一个个空空的小狗窝——一股刺鼻的牙粉味弥漫在四周，给人一种错觉，似乎一条条梳妆盒的缝隙就是牙缝一般。我以不错的价钱将他的衣服卖给了位于滨河路上离圣克莱门特丹麦区教堂不远的一个二手衣店，那里常有军人们为了不丢面子、必须还债的时候去卖掉制服，这一点只要从它背对着公众的橱窗里所挂的各种各样的军服上装和肩章便可了解。这家二手衣店的老板还一股脑地买下了旅行皮包、手袋、书桌、梳妆盒、帽匣、雨伞、皮带，还有手杖。我说我还以为这些东西不是他收的类型，他却说：“这就像买下别人的祖母一样。但是，克里斯托弗先生，如果有人将他的祖母带到这里来，要价合理，我把她收拾干净能卖钱的话，我也会买下她。”
These transactions brought me home, and, indeed, more than home, for they left a goodish profit on the original investment. And now there remained the writings; and the writings I particular wish to bring under the candid attention of the reader.
这笔交易让我收回了本钱，实际上收回的比本钱还多，因为不仅收回了本，还有不少利润。现在就剩下这些写着字的纸了，我尤其想跟热心的读者们说说这些纸。
I wish to do so without postponement, for this reason. That is to say, namely, viz. i.e., as follows, thus:—Before I proceed to recount the mental sufferings of which I became the prey in consequence of the writings, and before following up that harrowing tale with a statement of the wonderful and impressive catastrophe, as thrilling in its nature as unlooked for in any other capacity, which crowned the ole and filled the cup of unexpectedness to overflowing, the writings themselves ought to stand forth to view. Therefore it is that they now come next. One word to introduce them, and I lay down my pen (I hope, my unassuming pen) until I take it up to trace the gloomy sequel of a mind with something on it.
基于这个原因，我不想有任何的耽搁。换而言之，那就是说，即如下所述：在我谈到这些纸张带给我的精神折磨之前，在我提起这个极度可怕、骇人听闻的灾难之前——它在本质上如此令人毛骨悚然，在其他方面也出人意料，让事情变幻莫测、难以驾驭——我得先说说这些纸张。因此它们得先出场了。对它们稍作介绍之后，我就得放下笔了（但愿这是一支谦逊的笔），直到我能够重新拿起，来追溯那满腹心事带来的抑郁后果。
He was a smeary writer, and wrote a dreadful bad hand. Utterly regardless of ink, he lavished it on every undeserving object—on his clothes, his desk, his hat, the handle of his tooth-brush, his umbrella. Ink was found freely on the coffee-room carpet by No. 4 table, and two blots was on his restless couch. A reference to the document I have given entire will show that on the morning of the third of February, eighteen fifty-six, he procured his no less than fifth pen and paper. To whatever deplorable act of ungovernable composition he immolated those materials obtained from the bar, there is no doubt that the fatal deed was committed in bed, and that it left its evidences but too plainly, long afterwards, upon the pillow-case.
这位先生喜欢东涂西抹，字也难看得很。他从不惜墨，将墨水到处涂抹，甚至是不该涂抹的地方——衣服上、书桌上、帽子上、牙刷柄上、还有雨伞上。餐厅里四号桌的地毯上也可见其墨迹，他辗转不眠的床上也有两块墨渍。查一下我前面所给的全份账单便可知晓，在1856年的2月3号早晨，这位先生索要了五次笔和纸。不论是出于什么难以抑制的情感，他将从酒吧柜台上索要来的材料都奉献给了这种可怜的行为，毫无疑问，这些至关重要的行为是在床上完成的，这一点有太多的证据显示，因为即使过了很长时间，枕头上的墨渍仍然是清晰可见的。
He had put no Heading to any of his writings. Alas! Was he likely to have a Heading without a Head, and where was HIS Head when he took such things into it? In some cases, such as his Boots, he would appear to have hid the writings; thereby involving his style in greater obscurity. But his Boots was at least pairs,—and no two of his writings can put in any claim to be so regarded. Here follows (not to give more specimens) what was found in.
这位先生写的所有东西都没有标题。啊！难道他原本是想有标题，但却没有头绪？但是当他写下这些东西的时候，他的头绪又在哪里呢？有时候，譬如他会有意在靴子里存放他的文章，这使得他的文字更加让人捉摸不定。但至少他的靴子是成双的——他的文章却没有两篇一样的，可以放在成双的靴子里。以下便是从靴子中找到的（不用说更多的例子）。