A CONVERSATION WITH MR. MERTON ON SOCIETY. MR. ANDMRS. JAMES, OF SUTTON, COME UP. A MISERABLE EVENINGAT THE TANK THEATRE. EXPERIMENTS WITH ENAMELPAINT. I MAKE ANOTHER GOOD JOKE; BUT GOWING ANDCUMMINGS ARE UNNECESSARILY OFFENDED. I PAINT THEBATH RED, WITH UNEXPECTED RESULT.
跟默顿先生聊了聊社交。萨顿的詹姆斯夫妇来我家。在坦克剧场的一晚，痛苦万分。试着用了用瓷漆。我又开了一个有趣的玩笑，但把高英和卡明斯惹恼了，其实他俩没必要生气。我把浴缸涂成了红色，可万万没料到后果。
April 19.
4 月19 日
Cummings called, bringing with him his friend Merton, who is in the wine trade. Gowing also called. Mr. Merton made himself at home at once, and Carrie and I were both struck with him immediately, and thoroughly approved of his sentiments.
卡明斯来串门，带着他的朋友默顿，是做酒生意的。高英也来串门了。默顿很快就把这里当自己家了，我和卡丽马上被他的这种情绪感染了，完全赞成他的态度。
He leaned back in his chair and said: "You must take me as I am;" and I replied: "Yes—and you must take us as we are. We're homely people, we are not swells."
他靠在椅子上说：“你们千万别挑剔我。”我回答说：“不会的，你也别挑我们。我们就是普通老百姓，不是什么了不起的人物。”
He answered: "No, I can see that," and Gowing roared with laughter; but Merton in a most gentlemanly manner said to Gowing, "I don't think you quite understand me. I intended to convey that our charming host and hostess were superior to the follies of fashion, and preferred leading a simple and wholesome life to gadding about to twopenny-halfpenny tea-drinking afternoons, and living above their incomes."
他回答道：“嗯，我能看出来。”高英哈哈大笑；但默顿非常有礼貌地对高英说：“我觉得你不大明白我的意思，我是想说我们可爱的男主人和女主人比那些赶时髦的蠢家伙们强多了。他们喜欢过简朴、健康的生活，而不喜欢四处闲逛去喝两便士半的下午茶，过入不敷出的生活。
I was immensely pleased with these sensible remarks of Merton's, and concluded that subject by saying: "No, candidly, Mr. Merton, we don't go into Society, because we do not care for it; and what with the expense of cabs here and cabs there, and white gloves and white ties, etc., it doesn't seem worth the money."
默顿这番明智的评论让我感到非常高兴。就此话题，我总结道：“是的，坦白讲，默顿先生，我们不参加社交活动，是因为我们不喜欢，而且考虑到去这去那的出租马车费，还要戴白手套，扎白领带等等，不值得花那钱。”
Merton said in reference to friends, "My motto is 'Few and True'; and, by the way, I also apply that to wine, 'Little and Good.'" Gowing said: "Yes, and sometimes 'cheap and tasty,' eh, old man?" Merton still continuing, said he should treat me as a friend, and put me down for a dozen of his "Lockanbar" whisky, and as I was an old friend of Gowing, I should have it for 36s., which was considerably under what he paid for it.
谈到朋友，默顿先生说：“我的座右铭是‘少且真’；顺便说一句，我还把它运用到喝酒中，‘少且精’。”高英说：“是的，有时候就是‘价廉味美’，是吧，老伙计？”默顿接着说，他会把我当朋友，记下我的名字，给我留12 瓶他的“罗肯巴”威士忌。因为我是高英的老朋友，所以卖给我是36 先令一瓶，这比进价还要低很多。
He booked his own order, and further said that at any time I wanted any passes for the theatre I was to let him know, as his name stood good for any theatre in London.
他写下自己的订单，又说我什么时候想要剧院的票就跟他说，因为他的名字在伦敦任何一家剧院都好使。
April 20.
4月20日
Carrie reminded me that as her old school friend, Annie Fullers(now Mrs. James), and her husband had come up from Sutton for a few days, it would look kind to take them to the theatre, and would I drop a line to Mr. Merton asking him for passes for four, either for the Italian Opera, Haymarket, Savoy, or Lyceum. I wrote Merton to that effect.
卡丽提醒我说，她的老同学、老朋友安妮. 福勒斯（现在是詹姆斯太太）和丈夫要从萨顿来我们这里呆几天，要是带他们去剧院看看戏，会显得我们友好，看我能不能写封短信给默顿，向他要四张票，意大利歌剧院、干草垛剧院、萨瓦戏院或莱森戏院，哪家都行。我给默顿写信大致讲了这个意思。
April 21.
4 月21 日
Got a reply from Merton, saying he was very busy, and just at present couldn't manage passes for the Italian Opera, Haymarket, Savoy, or Lyceum, but the best thing going on in London was the Brown Bushes, at the Tank Theatre, Islington, and enclosed seats for four; also bill for whisky.
收到默顿的回信，说他很忙，正好当下弄不到意大利歌剧院、干草垛剧院、萨瓦戏院或莱森戏院的票，但伦敦时下最好的戏莫过于伊斯灵顿坦克剧院上演的《棕色灌木丛》。他随信寄来四张票，还有威士忌账单。
April 23.
4 月23 日
Mr. and Mrs. James (Miss Fullers that was), came to meat tea, and we left directly after for the Tank Theatre. We got a 'bus that took us to King's Cross, and then changed into one that took us to the "Angel." Mr. James each time insisted on paying for all, saying that I had paid for the tickets and that was quite enough.
詹姆斯先生和太太（也就是福勒斯小姐）来我们家用了午后茶点，然后我们直接前往坦克剧院。我们乘公共马车到了国王十字路口，然后转车去“安吉尔”。詹姆斯先生每次都坚持要为大家付车钱，说我已经付了戏票钱，够破费了。
We arrived at theatre, where, curiously enough, all our 'bus-load except an old woman with a basket seemed to be going in. I walked ahead and presented the tickets. The man looked at them, and called out "Mr. Willowly! do you know anything about these?" holding up my tickets. The gentleman called to, came up and examined my tickets, and said: "Who gave you these?" I said, rather indignantly: "Mr. Merton, of course." He said: "Merton? Who's he?" I answered rather sharply, "You ought to know, his name's good at any theatre in London." He replied: "Oh! is it? Well, it ain't no good here. These tickets which are not dated, were issued under Mr. Swinstead's management, which has since changed hands." While I was having some very unpleasant words with the man, James, who had gone upstairs with the ladies, called out: "Come on!" I went up after them, and a very civil attendant said: "This way, please, box H." I said to James: "Why, how on earth did you manage it?" and to my horror he replied: "Why, paid for it of course."
我们到了剧院，奇怪得很，除了一位挎篮子的老太太，我们车上其他人似乎都要进去。我走在前面，递过戏票，那个人看了看，举起我们的票大声喊道：“威鲁利先生，你知道这是怎么回事吗？”那位被招呼的先生走过来，仔细看了我们的票，说道：“这些戏票谁给你们的？”我非常生气，回答道：“当然是默顿先生。”他说：“默顿？默顿是谁？”我厉声答道：“你应该知道吧，他的名字在伦敦任何一家剧院都好使。”他回答说：“哦！是吗？可是在这里不好使。这些票没有印日期，是斯温斯特迪先生经营剧院的时候发出去的，后来剧院就易主了。”就在我跟这个人闹得不愉快的时候，已经跟女士们上了楼的詹姆斯喊道：“快上来吧！”我随他们上去，一个非常有礼貌的服务员说：“这边请，H 包厢。”我对詹姆斯说：“这是怎么回事？你究竟怎么处理的？”他的回答让我很不舒 服：“怎么回事，当然是付钱了。”
This was humiliating enough, and I could scarcely follow the play, but I was doomed to still further humiliation. I was leaning out of the box, when my tie—a little black bow which fastened on to the stud by means of a new patent—fell into the pit below. A clumsy man not noticing it, had his foot on it for ever so long before he discovered it. He then picked it up and eventually flung it under the next seat in disgust. What with the box incident and the tie, I felt quite miserable. Mr. James, of Sutton, was very good. He said: "Don't worry—no one will notice it with your beard. That is the only advantage of growing one that I can see." There was no occasion for that remark, for Carrie is very proud of my beard.
这太丢人了，我几乎看不进去戏，不过我注定了 还要丢人。我正从包厢探出身去，我的领结——一个 小的黑蝴蝶结，用一种新的专利方法别在纽扣上—— 掉到了下面正厅后排的观众席上，一个笨手笨脚的家 伙没注意就踩在了上面，好久才发现。然后他捡起 来，最后厌恶地扔在了旁边的座位下面。想着包厢和 领带的事，我感到非常难受。萨顿的詹姆斯先生可真 好，他说：“别担心，你留着胡子，没人会注意到你没 戴领带，我觉得这是留胡子的唯一好处了。”这话说 得真不合时宜，因为卡丽非常得意我的胡子。
To hide the absence of the tie I had to keep my chin down the rest of the evening, which caused a pain at the back of my neck.
为了掩饰领结掉了，那晚余下的时间里，我都低着下巴，这搞得我后颈酸疼。
April 24.
4 月24 日
Could scarcely sleep a wink through thinking of having brought up Mr. and Mrs. James from the country to go to the theatre last night, and his having paid for a private box because our order was not honoured; and such a poor play too. I wrote a very satirical letter to Merton, the wine merchant, who gave us the pass, and said, "Considering we had to pay for our seats, we did our best to appreciate the performance." I thought this line rather cutting, and I asked Carrie how many p's there were in appreciate1, and she said, "One." After I sent off the letter I looked at the dictionary and found there were two. Awfully vexed at this.
昨晚几乎没能合眼，一直在想带着从乡下来的詹姆斯夫妇去看戏的事。想着因为剧院不承认我们的免费入场券有效，竟让詹姆斯先生掏钱要了一个私人包厢，而且戏也差劲。我给默顿写了一封相当讽刺的信，就是那个给我们票的葡萄酒商。我在信中说：“考虑到我们不得不为看戏花了钱，因此我们竭尽全力欣赏了表演。”我觉得这句话非常尖刻，然后我问卡丽“欣赏”这个词有几个"p", 卡丽说“一个”。我把信寄出去以后查了查字典，发现是两个"p"，真是气死我了。
Decided not to worry myself any more about the James's; for, as Carrie wisely said, "We'll make it all right with them by asking them up from Sutton one evening next week, to play at Bézique."
决定不再让詹姆斯夫妇的事困扰我自己了，因为卡丽聪明地说：“我们下周可以挑个晚上请他们从萨顿来我们这儿玩伯齐克牌，这样不就行啦。”
April 25.
4 月25 日
In consequence of Brickwell telling me his wife was working wonders with the new Pinkford's enamel paint, I determined to try it. I bought two tins of red on my way home. I hastened through tea, went into the garden and painted some flower-pots. I called out Carrie, who said: "You've always got some new-fangled craze;" but she was obliged to admit that the flower-pots looked remarkably well. Went upstairs into the servant's bedroom and painted her washstand, towel-horse, and chest of drawers. To my mind it was an extraordinary improvement, but as an example of the ignorance of the lower classes in the matter of taste, our servant Sarah, on seeing them, evinced no sign of pleasure, but merely said she thought they looked very well as they was before.
由于布里克威尔告诉我，他妻子正用着新的品克福特瓷漆，效果非常不错，我决定试试看。下班回家的路上，我买了两罐红色的。匆匆忙忙用完茶点，就钻到花园里，油漆了一些花盆。我把卡丽叫出来，她说：“你总有股狂热要搞些新奇玩意儿。”但她不得不承认这些花盆看起来相当不错。我上楼进了佣人的卧室，把她的脸盆架、毛巾架和抽屉柜都漆了一遍。我觉得有惊人的改观，但我们的佣人萨拉真是典型的下等人，没有品位。看到漆过的这些东西，没显出任何高兴的神色，只不过说了句：“我觉得以前的颜色挺好看的。”
April 26.
4月26日
Got some more red enamel paint (red, to my mind, being the best colour), and painted the coal-scuttle, and the backs of our Shakespeare, the binding of which had almost worn out.
又买了点红色瓷漆（我觉得红色最好看），把煤斗漆了漆，还有我们《莎士比亚全集》的封底，这书的封皮都快散架了。
April 27.
4月27日
Painted the bath red, and was delighted with the result. Sorry to say Carrie was not, in fact we had a few words about it. She said I ought to have consulted her, and she had never heard of such a thing as a bath being painted red. I replied: "It's merely a matter of taste."
把浴缸漆成了红色，效果让我很满意。遗憾的是，卡丽不高兴了，事实上为此我们还拌了几句嘴。她说我本该征求一下她的意见，她从没听说过谁家把浴缸漆成红色。我回答说：“这只是品位问题。”
Fortunately, further argument on the subject was stopped by a voice saying, "May I come in?" It was only Cummings, who said, "Your maid opened the door, and asked me to excuse her showing me in, as she was wringing out some socks." I was delighted to see him, and suggested we should have a game of whist2 with a dummy3, and by way of merriment said: "You can be the dummy4."Cummings (I thought rather ill-naturedly) replied: "Funny as usual." He said he couldn't stop, he only called to leave me the Bicycle News, as he had done with it.
幸亏有说话声打断了我们对此的争吵。“我可以进来吗？”是卡明斯。他说：“你们佣人开的门，说抱歉她不能领我进来，因为她正在拧袜子。”我见到他很高兴，提议玩惠斯特牌，带明手的那种。我开玩笑说：“你可以当傀儡。”卡明斯（我觉得相当不友善地）回答说：“跟往常一样好笑。”他说他不能留下来玩，只是来给我《自行车新闻报》的，因为他已经看完了。
Another ring at the bell; it was Gowing, who said he "must apologise for coming so often, and that one of these days we must come round to him." I said: "A very extraordinary thing has struck me." "Something funny, as usual," said Cummings. "Yes," I replied; "I think even you will say so this time. It's concerning you both; for doesn't it seem odd that Gowing's always coming and Cumming's always going5?" Carrie, who had evidently quite forgotten about the bath, went into fits of laughter, and as for myself, I fairly doubled up in my chair, till it cracked beneath me. I think this was one of the best jokes I have ever made.
门铃又响了，是高英，他说他必须道歉，因为来得太勤了，改天要我们一定去他家转转。我说：“我突然想起来一件非常特别的事。”“跟往常一样好笑。”卡明斯说道。“是的，”我回答说，“我觉得这次就连你都会说好笑，而且事关你俩；高英总是来，卡明斯总是去，难道看着不奇怪吗？”卡丽显然把浴缸的事忘得一干二净了，大笑了一阵。至于我，在椅子上几乎笑弯了腰，直到身下的椅子发出吱吱扭扭的声音。我觉得这是我说过的最有趣 的玩笑之一。
Then imagine my astonishment on perceiving both Cummings and Gowing perfectly silent, and without a smile on their faces. After rather an unpleasant pause, Cummings, who had opened a cigar-case, closed it up again and said: "Yes— I think, after that, I shall be going, and I am sorry I fail to see the fun of your jokes." Gowing said he didn't mind a joke when it wasn't rude, but a pun on a name, to his thinking, was certainly a little wanting in good taste. Cummings followed it up by saying, if it had been said by anyone else but myself, he shouldn't have entered the house again. This rather unpleasantly terminated what might have been a cheerful evening. However, it was as well they went, for the charwoman had finished up the remains of the cold pork.
后来看到卡明斯和高英两人都一声不吭，脸上也没有一丝笑容，想象一下当时我的惊讶之情吧。一阵不愉快的沉默后，卡明斯将打开的雪茄盒又合上了，说：“是的，我想，要这样的话，我是该走了，抱歉我没明白你的玩笑哪儿好笑。”高英说只要玩笑开得不粗鲁，他不会介意，但是他觉得在人名上玩双关，当然不怎么有品味。卡明斯紧接着说要是别人这么说，而不是我，他就不会再登这家的门了。今晚本该是个愉快的晚上，就这么扫兴收场了。不过他们走了也好，因为打日工的清洁女佣已经把剩下的冷盘肉吃光了。
April 28.
4 月28 日
At the office, the new and very young clerk Pitt, who was very impudent to me a week or so ago, was late again. I told him it would be my duty to inform Mr. Perkupp, the principal. To my surprise, Pitt apologised most humbly and in a most gentlemanly fashion. I was unfeignedly pleased to notice this improvement in his manner towards me, and told him I would look over his unpunctuality. Passing down the room an hour later, I received a smart smack in the face from a rolled-up ball of hard foolscap. I turned round sharply, but all the clerks were apparently riveted to their work. I am not a rich man, but I would give half-a-sovereign to know whether that was thrown by accident or design. Went home early and bought some more enamel paint—black this time—and spent the evening touching up the fender, picture-frames, and an old pair of boots, making them look as good as new. Also painted Gowing's walking-stick, which he left behind, and made it look like ebony.
公司里那个新来的年轻职员皮特，就是大约一周前对我非常无礼的那个人，又迟到了。我告诉他，我有责任报告头儿波卡普先生。让我吃惊的是，皮特非常谦恭，很绅士地给我道歉。看到他对我的态度改进不少，我打心底里高兴，并告诉他，对于他的迟到问题，我会继续监督。一个小时后我在办公室里走着，一个硬纸揉成的纸团又快又准地砸在我脸上，我立马转身，但所有的职员显然都在专心致志地工作。我不富裕，但我也愿意花半英镑来弄清楚，这纸团是无意扔的，还是蓄意的。早早地回家了，又买了些瓷漆——这次是黑色的——花了一晚上油漆了火炉围栏、相框，还有一双旧靴子，让它们看起来跟新的一样。还把高英落在这儿的手杖也漆了漆，使它看起来像乌木制的。
April 29, Sunday.
4 月29 日 礼拜日
Woke up with a fearful headache and strong symptoms of a cold. Carrie, with a perversity which is just like her, said it was "painter's colic," and was the result of my having spent the last few days with my nose over a paint-pot. I told her firmly that I knew a great deal better what was the matter with me than she did. I had got a chill, and decided to have a bath as hot as I could bear it. Bath ready—could scarcely bear it so hot. I persevered, and got in; very hot, but very acceptable. I lay still for some time.
醒来时头痛得厉害，明显有感冒的症状。卡丽用她一贯倔强的口吻说这是“铅绞痛”，是我前几天总闻着油漆罐的缘故。我坚定地告诉她，自己怎么回事，我比她更清楚。我是着凉了，决定泡个热水澡，只要我能受得了，越热越好。热水放好了——真热啊，简直没法忍受了。我咬咬牙进了浴缸，很烫，但还算能接受。我静静地躺了一会儿。
On moving my hand above the surface of the water, I experienced the greatest fright I ever received in the whole course of my life; for imagine my horror on discovering my hand, as I thought, full of blood. My first thought was that I had ruptured an artery, and was bleeding to death, and should be discovered, later on, looking like a second Marat6, as I remember seeing him in Madame Tussaud's. My second thought was to ring the bell, but remembered there was no bell to ring. My third was, that there was nothing but the enamel paint, which had dissolved with boiling water. I stepped out of the bath, perfectly red all over, resembling the Indians I have seen depicted at an East-End theatre. I determined not to say a word to Carrie, but to tell Farmerson to come on Monday and paint the bath white.
我将手伸出水面时，受到了一辈子都没受过的惊吓——发现自己满手鲜血（我自己这么想），想象一下我有多恐惧。我首先想到的是我割破动脉了，血就要流干了，我要死了，一会儿被人发现了，样子就像另一个马拉，我记得在图索夫人蜡像馆见过他的样子。我接着就想到按铃，但想起来没有铃。最终我想到，其实根本没什么，是瓷漆，遇到热水融化了。我从浴缸里出来，浑身鲜红，就像我在东区剧院看到的北美印第安人。我决定一个字也不跟卡丽说，但要告诉法默森，让他周一来把浴缸漆成白色。
(1) 欣赏，该词中有2 个字母"p"。
(2) 惠斯特游戏，类似桥牌的一种纸牌游戏。
(3) 明手，订约人的搭档，即把所持的牌摊在桌上的持牌者。
(4) 傀儡，口语中指蠢货， 愚笨的人；同时在纸牌游戏中还有“明手”的意思，这里用该词，与前句“ 明手” 照应，达到了幽默的效果。
(5) 高英总是来，卡明斯总是去， 高英的名字"Gowing"在英文中与"going"（去）同音， 卡明斯的名字"Cummings"与"coming"（ 来）同音。此处以谐音达到幽默的效果。
(6) 马拉，法国大革命时期雅各宾派领导人之一，被刺杀。