五
Viola Bai was admired and feared with equal passion by her classmates, because she was so beautiful she made people uneasy, and because at the age of fifteen she knew more about life than any of her contemporaries did; or at least that was the impression she gave. On Monday mornings, during break, the girls congregated around her desk and listened greedily to the account of her weekend. Most times this was a skillful reimagining of what Serena, Viola's older sister by eight years, had told her the day before. Viola transferred the stories to herself, but embellished them with sordid, and often completely invented, details, which to her friends' ears sounded mysterious and disturbing. She talked about this or that bar, without ever having set foot in them, and she was capable of giving minute descriptions of the psychedelic lighting, or of the malicious smile that the bartender had flashed at her as he served her a Cuba libre.
薇奥拉·巴伊受到所有女生痴狂的钦羡与畏惧，因为她漂亮得足以让别人感到压力，还因为她虽然只有十五岁，却比所有同龄的女孩都更加深刻地了解人生，至少在别人看起来是这样。星期一上午的课间，女生们都会围拢在薇奥拉的桌边，贪婪地听她讲述自己周末的经历。大多数情况下，薇奥拉都是把塞雷娜——比她大八岁的姐姐——前一天讲给她的经历加以巧妙的改编，全部搬到自己身上，但是她知道该怎么用一些咸湿的细节来丰富她的故事，而这些细节往往都是她凭空捏造的。这些情节让她的朋友们听起来却是那么的神秘和令人心跳。她总是提起这个或那个她从来没去过的酒吧，但她却能淋漓尽致地描述那迷幻的灯光，或是酒吧服务生朝她走过来，给她倒上一杯“自由古巴”时的一脸坏笑。
In most cases she ended up either in bed with the bartender or out behind the bar, among the beer kegs and the cases of vodka, where he took her from behind, covering her mouth with his hand to keep her from screaming.
绝大多数情况下，故事都会结束在床上或酒吧后厨那些啤酒桶和装伏特加酒的纸箱子之间，那个男的从后面抱住她，一只手捂着她的嘴，不让她喊叫。
Viola Bai knew how to tell a story. She knew that all the violence is contained in the precision of a detail. She knew how to work the timing so that the bell rang just as the bartender was busy with the fly of his name-brand jeans. At that moment her devoted audience slowly dispersed, their cheeks red with envy and indignation. Viola was made to promise that she would go on with her story at the next bell, but she was too intelligent to actually do it. She always ended up dismissing the whole thing with a pout of her perfect mouth, as if what had happened to her was of no importance. It was just one more detail in her extraordinary life, and she was already light-years ahead of everyone else.
薇奥拉·巴伊知道该如何使一个故事更加生动，她知道，所有的*力暴**场面都要归结为精确的细节，她还会精确地计算时间，每次讲到那个酒吧服务生正要拉开她那限量版名牌牛仔裤的拉链时，上课铃一准会响起。此时，她忠实的听众们会慢慢散去，一个个因嫉妒与气愤而面颊绯红。薇奥拉被迫答应在下个课间接着讲完，但她聪明之极，根本不会真的那么做。她总是用完美的嘴唇做出一个怪相以结束整个故事，仿佛这件事发生在她身上根本不算什么，只是她非凡人生中的又一个细节而已，而她早已把这件事忘到九霄云外去了。
She had actually tried sex, as well as some of the drugs whose names she liked to list, but she had been with only one boy, and only once. It had happened at the shore. A friend of her sister's who had smoked and drunk too much that evening to realize that a little thirteen-year-old girl was too young for certain things. He had *ucfk**ed her hastily, in the street, behind a trash bin. As they walked back, heads lowered, to rejoin the others, Viola had taken his hand but he had snatched it away and asked what are you doing? Her cheeks burned and the heat still trapped between her legs had made her feel alone. In the days that followed the boy didn't say a word to her and Viola had confided in her sister, who had laughed at her naivete and said wise up, what did you expect?
她的确有过性经历，但只和一个男孩有过，而且也只有那么一次。她也尝试过一些*品毒**，因此总是喜欢罗列*品毒**的名字。那次性经历发生在海边，那男孩是她姐姐的一个朋友，那天晚上她抽了很多烟，又喝了太多的酒，所以并未觉得一个十三岁的小女孩做这种事实在太年轻了。他们在路边一个垃圾桶后面迅速干完，当他们低着头回到其他同伴那里时，薇奥拉去拉他的手，但他却挣脱了，还问薇奥拉想干什么。她觉得脸上发麻，双腿间仍然充满诱惑的余温，使她感到特别孤单。后来好几天，那个男孩都没和她说一句话，薇奥拉把这件事告诉了姐姐，姐姐嘲笑她过于天真，告诉她要机灵点儿，还说：“你还想要什么呢？”
Viola's devoted audience was made up of Giada Savarino, Federica Mazzoldi, and Giulia Mirandi. Together they formed a compact and ruthless phalanx: the four bitches, as some of the boys at the school called them. Viola had chosen them one by one and had demanded a little sacrifice from each of them, because her friendship was something you had to earn. She alone decided if you were in or out, and her decisions were obscure and unequivocal.
薇奥拉忠实的听众包括嘉达·萨瓦里诺、菲德里卡·马佐尔迪和朱丽娅·米兰迪。她们四个结成了一个冷酷而又团结的帮派，学校里的一些男生把她们称为“四大恶女”。薇奥拉把她们一个一个地挑选出来，并要求她们每个人都作些小的牺牲，从而证明她们是值得交往的朋友。她是唯一能决定你去留的人，但她的原则很暧昧，没有一定之规。
Alice observed Viola on the sly. From her desk two rows back, she fed off the broken sentences and fragments of torrid tales; then in the evening, alone in her room, she savored every detail.
爱丽丝在暗中观察着薇奥拉，就从她的座位上，与薇奥拉的座位相隔两排，她总是沉浸在那些偶尔听到的只言片语之中。到了晚上，她会独自在房间里慢慢回味那些故事。
Before that Wednesday morning Viola had never spoken a word to her. It was a kind of initiation and had to be done properly. None of the girls ever knew for sure whether Viola was improvising or whether she planned the torture in advance--but they all agreed that it was brilliant.
直到那个星期三上午之前，薇奥拉从来没有主动和她说过话，然而该发生的必然会发生，这也不失为一种开始的方式。那些女孩谁也说不准那次惩罚究竟是薇奥拉突发奇想，还是蓄谋已久的，但她们一致认为薇奥拉绝对有才。
Alice hated the locker room. Her oh-so-perfect classmates stood around for as long as possible in their bras and underwear so as to make the others envious. They assumed stiff, unnatural poses, sucking in their stomachs and thrusting out their tits. They sighed at the cracked mirror that covered one of the walls. Look, they'd say as they sized up their hips, which could not have been better proportioned or more seductive.
爱丽丝讨厌学校的更衣室。她那些身材完美的女同学只穿着*裤内**和胸罩，尽可能地在那里拖延时间，好引来别人羡慕的目光。她们摆着各种僵持而不自然的姿势，收腹挺胸，对着墙上碎了一半的镜子喘气，嘴里还说着：“看这里。”同时用双手测量着两胯之间的距离，那里是那么的符合比例，那么的吸引人，简直再完美不过了。
On Wednesdays Alice wore her shorts under her jeans so that she wouldn't have to get completely undressed. The others would look at her suspiciously, imagining the horrors that were surely hidden under her clothes. She would turn her back to take off her sweater so they wouldn't see her belly.
那个星期三，爱丽丝出门之前在牛仔裤里面事先穿好了健身裤，这样就不用再换裤子了。其他女孩不怀好意地向她投来怀疑的目光，想象她的衣服下面会藏着什么丑陋的东西。她背过身脱掉T恤衫，不让她们看见自己的肚子。
She would put on her sneakers and tuck her shoes, neatly parallel, against the wall, and then carefully fold her jeans. Her classmates' clothes, in contrast, tumbled chaotically from the wooden benches, their shoes scattered about and upside down because they had yanked them off with their feet.
她穿上体操鞋，把换下的鞋推到墙边，让它们保持平行，然后又认真叠好牛仔裤。但她的同学们的衣服却胡乱堆放在木头长凳上，她们的鞋也是东一只西一只地扔在地上，鞋底朝天，因为她们都是用脚把鞋蹬掉的。
"Alice, do you have a sweet tooth?" Viola asked.
“爱丽丝，你爱吃甜食吗？”薇奥拉对她说。
It took Alice a few seconds to convince herself that Viola Bai was actually talking to her. She was sure she was invisible to her. She pulled the two ends of her shoelaces, but the knot came untied between her fingers.
爱丽丝用了好几秒钟才相信薇奥拉·巴伊真的是在和自己讲话。此前她一直以为自己在薇奥拉面前是透明的。她提着鞋带的两头，但打了一半的结已经从指尖散开了。
"Me?" she asked, looking around uneasily.
“我？”她左右环顾了一下，很不自然地问道。
"I don't see any other Alices."
“我想这里不会有别的爱丽丝了吧。”薇奥拉回敬道。
The other girls giggled.
其他几个女孩在窃笑着。
"No. Not particularly."
“不，不是特别喜欢。”
Viola got up from the bench and came closer to her. Alice felt those marvelous eyes on her, bisected by the shadow of her bangs.
薇奥拉从长凳上站起身，朝她这边凑了凑。她感到薇奥拉那双迷人的眼睛正在盯着她，那双眼睛被前额刘海儿在脸上投下的阴影遮去了一半。
"But you like gumdrops, don't you?" Viola continued in her honeyed voice.
“可是你喜欢吃糖，对不对？”薇奥拉用极具说服力的语气问道。
"Yeah. I guess. Pretty much."
“是的，还可以吧，一般般。”
Alice bit her lip and chided herself for being so wishy-washy. She pressed her bony back against the wall. A tremor ran down her good leg. The other remained inert, as always.
爱丽丝咬住嘴唇，立刻责备自己不该像傻子一样含糊其辞。她把消瘦的脊背贴到了墙上，那条健康的腿上一阵战栗，而另一条腿仍然像平时一样麻木。
"What do you mean pretty much? Everyone likes gumdrops. Isn't that right, girls?" Viola addressed her three friends without even turning around.
“什么叫一般般啊？大家都喜欢吃糖，对吧，伙伴们？”薇奥拉头也不回地问那三个女孩。
"Mm-hmmm. Everyone," they echoed. Alice noticed a strange trepidation in Federica Mazzoldi's eyes as she stared at her from the other end of the locker room.
“嗯——都喜欢吃。”那三个女孩随声附和着。爱丽丝从菲德里卡·马佐尔迪的眼中感觉到一种奇怪的不安，此时这个女孩正在更衣室的另一头死盯着她。
"Yes, actually, I do like them," she corrected herself. She was starting to feel frightened, even though she didn't yet know why.
“是的，其实我喜欢。”爱丽丝改口说。她开始有些害怕了，但不知道该怕什么。
In the first year, the four bitches had grabbed Alessandra Mirano, the one who ended up being thrown out and going to beautician school, and dragged her into the boys' locker room. They shut her inside and two boys pulled their cocks out in front of her. From the corridor Alice had heard the four torturers egging them on and laughing hysterically.
初中一年级的时候，这四大恶女抓住了亚历山德拉·米拉诺——那个后来因为不及格而转到美容学校去的女生——把她拉进了男更衣室，和两个男生关在了一起，那两个男生在她面前掏出了那个东西。爱丽丝在走廊里听到了那两个男孩相互唆使的喊叫声，还夹杂着那四个刽子手放肆的笑声。
"I thought so. Now, would you like a gumdrop?" Viola asked.
“对嘛，我相信你喜欢吃，那现在你想来块糖吗？”薇奥拉问道。
If I say yes, who knows what they're going to make me eat, Alice thought.
爱丽丝陷入沉思。如果回答“想”，谁知道她们会给我吃什么。
If I say no, Viola might get pissed off and I'll end up in the boys' locker room as well.
如果说“不想”，弄不好会惹恼薇奥拉，她们也会把我拉进男更衣室。
She sat in silence like a moron.
她就像傻子一样默不作声。
"Come on. It's not such a hard question," Viola said mockingly. She took a handful of fruit candies from her pocket.
“怎么样啊？这不是一个很难的问题吧？”薇奥拉取笑她说，随即从口袋里掏出一把水果味的软糖。
"You girls back there, what flavor do you want?" she asked.
“你们几个想吃哪个啊？”她问。
Giulia Mirandi came over to Viola and looked into her hand. Viola didn't take her eyes off Alice, who felt her body crumpling under the gaze like a sheet of newspaper burning in the fireplace.
朱丽娅·米兰迪走过来，看着薇奥拉手上的糖。薇奥拉仍然盯着爱丽丝，这种眼神让爱丽丝觉得自己的身体就像一张在壁炉里因燃烧而蜷缩起来的报纸。
"There's orange, raspberry, blackberry, strawberry, and peach," Giulia said. She threw a fleeting, apprehensive glance at Alice, without letting Viola see.
“这里有橙子味的、覆盆子味的、蓝莓味的、草莓味的和桃子味的。”朱丽娅说，她担忧地瞥了一眼爱丽丝，但没有让薇奥拉看见。
"I'll have raspberry," said Federica.
“我要覆盆子的。”菲德里卡说。
"Peach," said Giada.
“我要桃子的。”嘉达说。
Giulia tossed them their candies and unwrapped the orange one for herself. She slipped it into her mouth and then took a step back to return the stage to Viola.
朱丽娅把糖扔给她们，自己剥着那颗橙子味的。她把糖放进嘴里，然后向后退了一步，把舞台让给薇奥拉。
"Blackberry and strawberry are left. So do you want one or not?"
“现在只剩蓝莓的和草莓的了，你到底要不要？”
Maybe she just wants to give me a candy, Alice thought.
“也许她只是想给我一块糖吃，”爱丽丝想。
Maybe they just want to see whether I eat or not.
“也许她们只想看看我究竟吃不吃糖。
It's just a candy.
“只是一块糖而已。”
"I prefer strawberry," she said quietly.
“我喜欢草莓的。”她小声说。
"Damn it, that's my favorite too," Viola said, giving a terrible performance of disappointment. "But I'll happily give it to you."
“天啊，草莓也是我的最爱。”薇奥拉假惺惺地用失望的语气说，“但我非常愿意给你吃。”
She unwrapped the strawberry candy and let the paper fall to the ground. Alice held out her hand to take it.
她剥开草莓味软糖的糖纸，把糖纸扔在地上，爱丽丝伸手去接。
"Wait a minute," Viola said. "Don't be so greedy."
“等一下，”薇奥拉说，“你先别那么馋。”
She bent down, holding the candy between her thumb and index finger. She rubbed it along the filthy locker room floor. Walking with her knees bent, she dragged it slowly along the whole length of the room to Alice's left, close to the wall, where the dirt had coagulated in balls of dust and tangles of hair.
她俯下身，用拇指和食指捏着那块糖，在更衣室肮脏的地面上摩擦着。她就这样屈膝走着，慢慢地让那块糖沿着爱丽丝左侧的墙角滚动，那里脏得要命，尽是一团团的灰尘和头发。
Giada and Federica were dying of laughter. Giulia nervously chewed on her lip. The other girls had figured out where things were going and left, closing the door behind them.
嘉达和菲德里卡笑得简直不行了，朱丽娅则神经质般地咬住下唇，别的女孩们看出这里的气氛已经相当紧张了，就从更衣室里出去，并关上了门。
When she got to the corner, Viola headed for the sink, where the girls splashed their armpits and faces after gym. With the candy she wiped up the whitish slime that lined the inside of the drain.
薇奥拉把糖滚到了墙角，她直起身来到洗脸池旁边，上完体育课后，女生们总要在这里洗洗脸和腋下。薇奥拉把那块糖在水池内壁上蹭了蹭，让它沾满了发白的粘液。
Then she turned to Alice and held the revolting object under her nose.
然后，她来到爱丽丝面前，把那个令人作呕的东西举到爱丽丝的鼻子底下。
"There," she said. "Strawberry, just what you wanted."
“给你，”她说，“你要的草莓口味。”
She wasn't laughing. She had the serious, determined look of one who is doing something painful but necessary.
她没有笑，表情严肃而又坚定，就像在做一件虽然痛苦但又不得不做的事。
Alice shook her head no. She pressed herself even closer to the wall.
爱丽丝摇着头表示拒绝，她的后背与墙靠得更紧了。
"What? Don't you want it anymore?" Viola asked her.
“什么？现在你又不想要啦？”薇奥拉问道。
"Go on," Federica cut in. "You asked for it and now you can eat it."
“怎么？”菲德里卡插话说，“既然你要了，现在就得吃下去。”
Alice gulped.
爱丽丝咽了一下口水。
"What if I don't?" she summoned the courage to say.
“我要是不吃呢？”她壮着胆子问道。
"If you don't eat it, you'll accept the consequences," Viola replied enigmatically.
“你要是不吃，后果自负。”薇奥拉话中有话地回答。
"What consequences?"
“什么后果？”
"You can't know the consequences. Ever."
“后果你想象不到，你根本无法想象。”
They want to take me to the boys, Alice thought. Or else they'll strip me and not give me back my clothes.
她们会带我去男更衣室，爱丽丝想。或者剥光我的衣服，然后不还给我。
Trembling, but almost imperceptibly, she held her hand out toward Viola, who dropped the filthy candy into her palm. She slowly brought it to her mouth.
她浑身颤抖，但几乎让人无法察觉。她把手伸向薇奥拉的手，而对方则让那块肮脏的糖滑落到了她的手心里。她慢慢地把糖移到嘴边。
The others had fallen silent, and seemed to be thinking, no, she's not really going to do it. Viola was impassive.
那三个女孩都默不作声，仿佛不相信她真的会把糖吃下去，而薇奥拉则不动声色地看着。
Alice put the gumdrop on her tongue and felt the hairs that were stuck to it dry up her saliva. She chewed only twice and something squeaked between her teeth.
爱丽丝把糖放在舌头上，她感觉到上边沾着的头发吸干了她的唾液。她只嚼了两下，就有什么东西在她的牙齿间咯咯作响了。
Don't throw up, she thought. Do not throw up.
“你不要吐啊，”她想，“你可千万不能吐啊。”
She choked back an acidic spurt of gastric juices and swallowed the candy. She felt it as it went down, like a stone, along her esophagus.
她把胃里涌上来的一股酸水强咽了回去，然后吞下了那块糖。她觉得糖很艰难地沿着食道下落，就像是在咽下一块石头。
The fluorescent light on the ceiling gave off an electrical hum and the voices of the kids in the gym were a formless mixture of shouts and laughter. Here in the basement the air was heavy and the windows were too small to allow it to circulate.
天花板上的日光灯发出电流的嗡嗡声，健身房里那些孩子们的声音纠缠在一起，化作一团由喊叫声与大笑声组成的乱七八糟的混合物，地下室里的空气很沉重，而那些窗子又太小，使空气无法流动。
Viola stared solemnly at Alice. Without smiling she nodded her head as if to say now we can go. Then she turned around and left the locker room, passing the other three without so much as a glance.
薇奥拉一脸严肃地盯着爱丽丝，她没有笑，只是点了点头，表示“现在我们可以走了”。随后，她转身走出了更衣室，在经过那三个女孩的面前时，看也没看她们一眼。