翻译 （四十一）：消失的过去/茱迪•皮考特 Vanishing Acts/Jodi Picoult

在我11岁的时候，我意识到了迪莉亚-霍普金是一个女性。她不像普通的女孩子：她没有那种让我们想起肥皂泡泡的迷糊的笔记；她并没有用手捂着脸咯咯傻笑，那样子总是让我们怀疑自己是否做错了什么；她来上学的时候，她的辫子并不像法式油条一样梳得整整齐齐。相反，她和青蛙聊天。她能够从蓝线上v拍球。当我们一起发血誓时，她是第一个用菲茨的瑞士*刀军**划开她的的手掌，她甚至没有任何畏缩。

五年级后的那个夏天，一切都变了。当她坐在我的旁边的时候，甚至不用尝试，我就能闻到她的发香。我注意到她夏天棕色的皮肤在她肩膀的肌肉上绷得很紧。我看着她把她的脸斜着面向太阳，我从自己的血液里感受到一个回答。

我一直把这些想法保密到了六年级的前半段，一直到情人节。那是我在学校里第一次没有被强迫给班上的所有人带一张卡片，包括那个爱挖鼻子的男孩和那个“ 缺失环节”-她的手臂上和后背有很多毛发，你甚至可以在上面编辫子。女孩子们像蝴蝶一样在餐厅里飞来飞去，降落的时间足够长，可以在她们喜欢的男孩子们明亮的脸颊上亲吻。当它发生时，你会装作很恶心的样子，但有一团煤炭在焚烧着你的内心。

菲茨收到了一张来自阿比盖尔·刘易斯的卡片，她刚戴了一副在黑暗中发光的牙套，据传，她邀请了选定的男孩子们，进入管理员的衣柜，观看他们发光。在我后面的口袋里，有一个叠好了的粉色心形，我把它贴在一张红色的方形的画纸上。当我和你在一起的时候，我的脑海里响起了铃声，我写道，然后又补充道：就像一个正在倒车的卡车。

我准备把它给迪莉亚，可是那天有一千次，那个时刻不太正确-菲茨和我们在一起，或者她在忙着在她的柜子里找东西，或者我还没来得及把它传过过道，老师来了。当我把它从我的口袋里溜出来的时候，刚好被菲茨从我手中把它夺走。“你也收到了一张卡片，不是吗？” 他大声念着，他和迪莉亚开始大声笑了起来。

我生气地把它抢了回来。“我不是从其他人那里得到的，你这个混蛋，我要把它给”。但是迪莉亚还在笑，我径直从她的身边走过，直到我见到了我看到的第一个女孩-伊茨·费舍尔，她正端着一个热腾腾的午餐盘。“给”，我说，我把卡片塞进她的餐巾纸与她的一快披萨饼之间。

When I was eleven, I realized that Delia Hopkins was female. She wasn't like ordinary girls: she didn't have the dreamy, loopy handwriting that reminded us of soap bubbles lined up in a row; she didn't giggle behind her hand in a way that made us wonder what we'd done wrong; she didn't come to school with neat braids like French crullers. Instead, she spoke to frogs. She could make a slap shot from the blue line. She was the first one to cut her palm with Fitz's Swiss army knife when we three made a blood vow, and she didn't even flinch.

The summer after fifth grade, everything changed. Without even trying, I smell Delia's hair when she sat near me. I noticed how her brown summer skin stretched tight over the muscles of her shoulder. I watched her tilt her face to the sun and felt an answer in my own blood.

I kept these thoughts a secret through the first half of sixth grade, until Valentine's Day. I was the first time in school that we weren't forced to bring a card for everyone in the class, including the kid who picked his nose and the Missing Link, who has so many hair on her arms and back you could practically braid it. Girls flitted around cafeteria like butterflies, alighting long enough to plant kisses on the bright cheeks of boys they liked. When it happened, you'd pretend to be disgusted, there would be a coal burning inside you.

Fitz got a card from Abigail Lewis, who has just gotten glow-in-the-dark braces and , it was rumored, invited select boys into the custodian's closet to watch them light up. In my own back pocket was a folded pink heart that I'd glued to a square of red construction paper. When I', with you, bells go off in my head, I had written, and then added: Like a moving truck that's backing up.

I was going to give it to Delia, but a thousand times that day, the moment hadn't been right-Fitz was with us, or she was to busy rummaging in her locker, or the teacher came by before I could pass it across the aisle. I slipped it out of my pocket just in time to have Fitz grab it out of my hand. "You got a card, too, didn't you?" He read it aloud, and he and Delia started to laugh.

Angry, I snatched it back. "I didn't get it from someone, you jerk. I'm giving it". And because Delia was still sort of laughing, I marched right past her and up to the first girl I saw, Itzy Fisher, carrying a hot lunch tray. "Here," I said, and I shoved the card between her napkin and her slab of pizza.