爱吃辣的加拿大大叔
雅思托福10多年一线教学
中文说得还不错，头像是他家猫
在这里分享他原创的雅思写作干货
每篇范文都有配音，在同名公众号“英语考试Cat”
你好呀，我是来自加拿大的雅思外教Mac。今天，给大家带来一个 雅思双线图小作 的范文。
老规矩，以下是正文目录：
1，学生作文 (6分)
2，6分作文点评+修改
3，修改后版本 (8分)
4，范文朗读
5，范文详解
上题：
我学生的版本：
The line graph contrasts the number of store closures and openings in a certain country from 2011 to 2018.
Overall, the figure of both opened and closed shops has been declining over the seven-year period, with the quantity of out-of-business retailers hitting the lowest point in the year of 2015 whereas the newly opened ones reaching the bottom in 2018.
The year between 2011 and 2014 witnessed the fluctuations of both categories. The number of shop openings, starting at about 8,500 in the year of 2011, saw a sharp fall in 2012, cutting almost half the amount. Retailer closures meanwhile saw more of a mild trend, wavering in a 1,000 section. The amount of store openings during the 2015-16 phase experienced a dramatic drop, hitting 500 in 2015 and quickly went back up to slightly over 5,000 in 2016 while the same cycle saw closures first dropping from 6,000 to 4,000 and remained there for the following year. During the last phase, from 2016 to 2018, both groups remained parallel for the first half, followed by a slight divergence towards the second half.
- 写作任务完成情况: 5 (confused the data)
- 连贯与衔接: 6 (lack of connecting words and issues with gerunds as connectors)
- 词汇丰富程度: 7 (there were opportunities missed to use more complex vocabulary)
- 语法多样性及准确性: 6 (there was a run-on sentence and incorrect verb tense used in the ‘overall’ sentence
- 总分: 6
Mac老师的修改：
修改+优化后的版本，往下拉
- Model Answer 高分范文 & 范文朗读 -
▲范文音频戳这里▲
The line graph contrasts the number of store closures and openings in a certain country from 2011 to 2018.
Overall, the figures for both opened and closed shops declined over the seven-year period, with the quantity of out-of-business retailers hitting the lowest point in the middle of the period while newly opened stores saw their lowest point in the last year.
The years from 2011 to 2014 witnessed fluctuations in both categories, with the number of shop openings, starting at about 8,500 in the year of 2011, seeing a sharp fall by 50% in the following year and then a resurgence to 6,000 stores by 2014. Retailer closures, meanwhile, saw more of a mild trend, wavering within a variance of 1,000 stores ranging from 6,000 to 7,000.
Conversely, the number of store closures during the 2015-16 phase experienced a dramatic drop, hitting 500 in 2015 before quickly rebounding up to slightly over 5,000 in 2016, while openings first dropped from 6,000 to 4,000 and after which, remained level the following year. During the last phase, from 2016 to 2018, both groups remained parallel for the first half, followed by a slight divergence occurring within the last year, with closures increasing and vice versa for openings.
- Essay Analysis 范文解析 -
在这篇文章里，题目里的the number of shops that closed和the number of shops that opened，用了这几个近义词/表达去表示：
- the number = the figure = the quantity
- store closures
- store openings
- opened and closed shops
- newly opened stores
- out-of-business retailers
- retailer closures
- openings
- both groups
- both categories
文章里表示“增长”的词/搭配：
- a resurgence to
- before quickly rebounding up to
- increasing
文章里表示“下降”的词/搭配：
- decline
- hitting the lowest point
- a sharp fall
- a dramatic drop
- dropped from ... to ...
文章里表示“趋势”的词/搭配：
- a mild trend
- remained level
- remained parallel
- a slight divergence
文章里表示“波动”的词/搭配：
- fluctuations in
- wavering within a variance of
文章里表示时间的词/搭配：
- from ... to...
- in the middle of the period
- the seven-year period
- in the last year
- the years from...to...
- in the year of
- the following year
- by 2014
- during the 2015-16 phase
- after
- during the last phase
- for the first half
- within the last year
文章里表示“区间”的词：
- within a variance of
- ranging from ... to...
表示对比的词/搭配：
- contrasts
- while
- meanwhile
- conversely
以上就是我今天分享的关于雅思的部分干货，如果你在考雅思，或单纯想提升英语，做1个动作：点击关注我，及时收看更多干货好文。
祝各位早日和雅思分手，加油！