我们都市丽人最擅长的就是在哭穷的同时，楼下总是有四五个快递正在等待被签收。
What our urban beauty is best at is that while crying for poverty, there are always four or five express downstairs waiting to be signed.
等着给我派件的顺丰小哥：“喂你回来了吗？”
我：“我没！我刚下班！我现在就飞奔回去了！”
小哥：“你怎么这么准时下班，不能早走吗？不能早退吗？收快递不比上班重要的吗？拆快递不比上班快乐吗？”
我：“……虽然你说得对，但是工资比快递重要。”
小哥：“行吧。”
Shunfeng brother waiting to send me a piece: "Hello, are you back?"
Me: "I didn't! I just got off work! I'm flying back now!"
Brother: "why do you get off work on time? Can't you leave early? Can't you leave early? Isn't receiving express more important than going to work? Isn't dismantling express happier than going to work?"
Me: "... Although you're right, salary is more important than express delivery."
Brother: "OK."
我觉得，还是上高中那会儿双十一靠谱，说半价就半价，抢不抢得到全看网速。
现在不行了，下单单纯属于是自愿被资本割韭菜。
我方式也比较落后，进店直接找自己想要的，直播间优惠、拼单满减就懒得看了，反正也看不懂。
虽然不知道到底优没优惠，这个节点买就觉得自己赚了。
唉，我老了是要被骗去买保健品的。
I think it's still reliable to say that half price is half price when I was in high school. Whether I can grab it or not depends on the Internet speed.
Now I can't. placing an order is simply a voluntary cutting of leeks by capital.
My method is also relatively backward. When I enter the store, I directly find what I want. I'm too lazy to read the discount in the live broadcasting room and the full reduction of orders. I can't understand it anyway.
Although I don't know whether it's good or not, I feel like I'm making money when I buy this node.
Alas, when I am old, I will be cheated to buy health care products.
女孩们说她们没钱了，但每隔一天又收到新包裹了。
The girls said they had no money, but they received a new package every other day.
菜鸟驿站极大程度上降低了我的购物欲，一想到要去拿快递我就头疼。
咱网购不就是图他能给我送到家吗？还要自己去拿算怎么个事儿！
Rookie post has greatly reduced my shopping desire. I have a headache at the thought of getting express delivery.
Our online shopping is just a picture. Can he send it home for me? I have to get it myself!
我确实想要找一个代购，可以代替我找到所有我需要的东西，对比挑选出最便宜的链接，并帮我一一下好定金。
这个职业被我命名为“双十一限定版代购”。
什么时候能有这种职业啊，我真的很需要！
I really want to find a purchasing agent who can replace me to find all the things I need, compare and select the cheapest links, and help me make a good deposit one by one.
This profession was named "double 11 limited edition purchasing" by me.
When can I have such a career? I really need it!
有些人在互联网上骂淘宝，骂商家，骂预售，但还是乖乖交了好几笔订单的定金，是谁我不说。
Some people scold Taobao, merchants and pre-sale on the Internet, but they still obediently paid the deposit for several orders. I won't say who it is.
女孩子：
刷微博：人间无聊，活着有什么意思。
打开X宝：我不能死， 我还有5个快递没到。
girl:
Brush microblog: the world is boring. What's the meaning of living.
Open x-treasure: I can't die. I still have five express deliveries.
无论是微博抖音还是其他什么软件，不小心点到不管是开屏广告中插广告还是无处不在的牛皮癣推广，最终都是跳转到淘宝或者京东。
我看宇宙的尽头不是黑洞也不是三体，是橙色或者红色的购物软件。
No matter what micro-blog tiktok or other software is, it is not easy to advert to the ad or ad everywhere in the open screen advertising, and eventually jump to Taobao or Jingdong.
I think the end of the universe is neither a black hole nor a three body. It's orange or red shopping software.
【图源： 灰尾太子 】