爱吃辣的加拿大大叔
雅思托福10多年一线教学
中文说得还不错，头像是他家猫
在这里分享他原创的雅思写作干货
每篇范文都有配音，在同名公众号“英语考试Cat”
你好呀，我是来自加拿大的雅思外教Mac。 今天，给大家带来一个 雅思Task 1（小作文） 的对比文章：我学生的版本 vs 我的版本。
老规矩，以下是正文目录：
1，题目
2，我学生的版本
3，学生版本简评
4，我的版本
5，范文朗读
6，范文解析
上题：
-我学生的版本 -
The bar chart contrasts the frequency of American citizens eating in fast food canteens in the year of 2003, 2006, and 2013, measured in a day, week, month, and a year.
Overall, in both 2003 and 2006, the highest percent of people dined at fast food restaurants once a week whereas in 2013, most people ate in these diners once or twice a month; meanwhile the demographic who ate in fast food eateries every day were almost on par with those who never stepped into such dinning places throughout the reported period.
The group visiting junk food restaurants once a week or once or twice a month led in all frequencies, taking over 25% in all three years, and was followed closely by those who frequented such restaurants several times a week, registering between 15% to 20%. Residents going to fast food restaurants only a few times per year were about 15% less than those who ate there once a week. Under 5% of citizenry dined at restaurants serving quick food every day, a percentage similar to those who never walked into such canteens.
- Mac 简评 -
Examples of Negatives and Positives:
- Task Achievement 写作任务完成情况: 7
- Coherence & Cohesion 连贯与衔接: 7
- Lexical Resource 词汇丰富程度: 8.
- Grammar Range 语法多样性及准确性: 8
Total Score 总分: 7.5
Negative:
- TR: ‘frequencies’—should be ‘years’/ more frequent contrasting/requires more information
- C&C: missing ‘that’….’was’ creating an unnatural progression/sentence to sentence progression
- LR: ‘canteens’—KFC is not a ‘canteen’ / lack of paraphrasing/spelling
- GR: ‘year of’—‘year’ is plural, week whereas requires comma
Positive:
- TR: good performance in fulfilling the task
- C&C: were almost on par with / throughout the reported period / was followed closely by
- LR: demographic / eateries / citizenry
- GR: use of compound-complex sentence
- Mac范文 & 范文朗读 -
英语考试Cat-雅思小作文范文-American Fast Food Eaters 音频： 00:0002:11
▲范文音频戳这里▲
The bar chart contrasts the proportion of American citizens who ate in fast-food restaurants, broken down into six categories of frequency including ‘never’, for the years of 2003, 2006, and 2013.
Overall, the frequency groupings of once per week and once or twice monthly contained the highest percentage of Americans eating in fast-food establishments , whereas daily fast-food consumers and those that never frequented a fast-food eatery were the least.
In both 2003 and 2006, those eating at fast-food diners weekly registered highest, with this category coming in at above 30%, yet for 2013 this frequency rate fell while monthly or bi-monthly eaters rose to equal the same number of weekly eaters seven years prior, at 33%. The year with the largest share of those visiting a fast-food restaurant several times a week was in 2006 at 20%, whilst the other two years sat 3% to 4% less , a pattern that was seen in the ‘once-a-week’ eaters.
Sitti ng in fourth place for eating at fast-food joints was the category of just ‘a few times a year’, with all three years ranging between 13% in 2003 and 15% for the other two years. This pattern of 2006 and 2013 sharing parity was replicated in those eating daily in a fast-food brasserie and those who never participated in such a dietary experience , but at much lower levels with the three years for both categories sitting at 5% or less.
- Essay Analysis 范文解析 -
Standard Task 1 Phrases 雅思小作文地道表达积累：
- The bar chart contrasts
- the proportion of
- broken down into ___ categories of
- , for the years of
- Overall,
- contained the highest percentage of
- registered
- coming in at above
- fell
- rose to equal
- the same number of
- prior
- the largest share
- sat
- a pattern that
- sitting in fourth place for
- ranging between
- sharing parity
- at much lower levels
- sitting at
Vocabulary 高分词汇：
- citizens 公民
- frequency 频率
- groupings 组合；群组
- consumers 消费者
- frequented 常到（某处）
- frequency rate 频率
- bi-monthly 一月两次
- prior 先前的；较早的
- parity 平等
- replicated 复制
- participated 参与
- dietary experience 就餐经历
‘Restaurant’的近义词有：
- establishments
- eatery
- diner(s)
- fast-food joints
- brasserie
Cohesion (C&C words and phrases): 把这些简单的词用好，能帮你在"连贯与衔接"方面轻松拿分
- who
- including
- Overall,
- , whereas
- and those that
- the least
- In both
- , those eating
- , with this
- , yet for
- this
- while
- prior
- those
- , whilst
- other
- less
- Sitting
- , with all
- such
- , but
- lower
- or less
老规矩，以下是正文目录：
1，题目
2，我学生的版本
3，学生版本简评
4，我的版本
5，范文朗读
6，范文解析
上题：
-我学生的版本 -
The bar chart contrasts the frequency of American citizens eating in fast food canteens in the year of 2003, 2006, and 2013, measured in a day, week, month, and a year.
Overall, in both 2003 and 2006, the highest percent of people dined at fast food restaurants once a week whereas in 2013, most people ate in these diners once or twice a month; meanwhile the demographic who ate in fast food eateries every day were almost on par with those who never stepped into such dinning places throughout the reported period.
The group visiting junk food restaurants once a week or once or twice a month led in all frequencies, taking over 25% in all three years, and was followed closely by those who frequented such restaurants several times a week, registering between 15% to 20%. Residents going to fast food restaurants only a few times per year were about 15% less than those who ate there once a week. Under 5% of citizenry dined at restaurants serving quick food every day, a percentage similar to those who never walked into such canteens.
- Mac 简评 -
Examples of Negatives and Positives:
- Task Achievement 写作任务完成情况: 7
- Coherence & Cohesion 连贯与衔接: 7
- Lexical Resource 词汇丰富程度: 8.
- Grammar Range 语法多样性及准确性: 8
Total Score 总分: 7.5
Negative:
- TR: ‘frequencies’—should be ‘years’/ more frequent contrasting/requires more information
- C&C: missing ‘that’….’was’ creating an unnatural progression/sentence to sentence progression
- LR: ‘canteens’—KFC is not a ‘canteen’ / lack of paraphrasing/spelling
- GR: ‘year of’—‘year’ is plural, week whereas requires comma
Positive:
- TR: good performance in fulfilling the task
- C&C: were almost on par with / throughout the reported period / was followed closely by
- LR: demographic / eateries / citizenry
- GR: use of compound-complex sentence
- Mac范文 & 范文朗读 -
▲范文音频戳这里▲
The bar chart contrasts the proportion of American citizens who ate in fast-food restaurants, broken down into six categories of frequency including ‘never’, for the years of 2003, 2006, and 2013.
Overall, the frequency groupings of once per week and once or twice monthly contained the highest percentage of Americans eating in fast-food establishments, whereas daily fast-food consumers and those that never frequented a fast-food eatery were the least.
In both 2003 and 2006, those eating at fast-food diners weekly registered highest, with this category coming in at above 30%, yet for 2013 this frequency rate fell while monthly or bi-monthly eaters rose to equal the same number of weekly eaters seven years prior, at 33%. The year with the largest share of those visiting a fast-food restaurant several times a week was in 2006 at 20%, whilst the other two years sat 3% to 4% less, a pattern that was seen in the ‘once-a-week’ eaters.
Sitting in fourth place for eating at fast-food joints was the category of just ‘a few times a year’, with all three years ranging between 13% in 2003 and 15% for the other two years. This pattern of 2006 and 2013 sharing parity was replicated in those eating daily in a fast-food brasserie and those who never participated in such a dietary experience, but at much lower levels with the three years for both categories sitting at 5% or less.
- Essay Analysis 范文解析 -
Standard Task 1 Phrases 雅思小作文地道表达积累：
- The bar chart contrasts
- the proportion of
- broken down into ___ categories of
- , for the years of
- Overall,
- contained the highest percentage of
- registered
- coming in at above
- fell
- rose to equal
- the same number of
- prior
- the largest share
- sat
- a pattern that
- sitting in fourth place for
- ranging between
- sharing parity
- at much lower levels
- sitting at
Vocabulary 高分词汇：
- citizens 公民
- frequency 频率
- groupings 组合；群组
- consumers 消费者
- frequented 常到（某处）
- frequency rate 频率
- bi-monthly 一月两次
- prior 先前的；较早的
- parity 平等
- replicated 复制
- participated 参与
- dietary experience 就餐经历
‘Restaurant’的近义词有：
- establishments
- eatery
- diner(s)
- fast-food joints
- brasserie
Cohesion (C&C words and phrases): 把这些简单的词用好，能帮你在"连贯与衔接"方面轻松拿分
- who
- including
- Overall,
- , whereas
- and those that
- the least
- In both
- , those eating
- , with this
- , yet for
- this
- while
- prior
- those
- , whilst
- other
- less
- Sitting
- , with all
- such
- , but
- lower
- or less
以上就是我今天分享的关于雅思的部分干货，如果你在考雅思，或单纯想提升英语，做1个动作：点击关注我，及时收看更多干货好文。
祝各位早日和雅思分手，加油！