I remember the whole beginning as a succession of flights and drops, a little seesaw of the right throbs and the wrong. After rising, in town, to meet his appeal, I had at all events a couple of very bad days-- found myself doubtful again, felt indeed sure I had made a mistake. In this state of mind I spent the long hours of bumping, swinging coach that carried me to the stopping place at which I was to be met by a vehicle from the house. This convenience, I was told, had been ordered, and I found, toward the close of the June afternoon, a commodious fly in waiting for me. Driving at that hour, on a lovely day, through a country to which the summer sweetness seemed to offer me a friendly welcome, my fortitude mounted afresh and, as we turned into the avenue, encountered a reprieve that was probably but a proof of the point to which it had sunk. I suppose I had expected, or had dreaded, something so melancholy that what greeted me was a good surprise. I remember as a most pleasant impression the broad, clear front, its open windows and fresh curtains and the pair of maids looking out; I remember the lawn and the bright flowers and the crunch of my wheels on the gravel and the clustered treetops over which the rooks circled and cawed in the golden sky. The scene had a greatness that made it a different affair from my own scant home, and there immediately appeared at the door, with a little girl in her hand, a civil person who dropped me as decent a curtsy as if I had been the mistress or a distinguished visitor. I had received in Harley Street a narrower notion of the place, and that, as I recalled it, made me think the proprietor still more of a gentleman, suggested that what I was to enjoy might be something beyond his promise.
我记得整个开头是一连串高低起落，是一副小小的跷跷板，一颗心在对错之间阵阵悸动，忽上忽下。不管怎么说，自从在城里挺身而出、应承了他的要求之后，我有好几天都过得很糟糕——只觉得我所有的疑虑又如毛发般竖立起来，我确信自己犯了个错。神思恍惚间，晃晃悠悠的马车载着我一路颠簸许久才抵达驿站，去跟宅子里派来接我的车会合。有人跟我说过，这份便利是事先就安排好的，于是，在那个六月的向晚时分，我见到一辆宽敞而舒适的轻便马车在那里等我。在那样惬意的日子，那样的时辰，坐车穿行于乡间，夏日的甜蜜气息仿佛在欢迎我，我的顽强意志渐渐复苏，等到我们的车拐上林荫道时更是意气风发——不过这也许只能证明之前的心情确实曾坠入低谷罢了。我猜，正因为我本来以为，或者说本来担心会遭遇的局面是那样阴郁无聊，所以到头来眼前出现的景象才给了我莫大的惊喜。我记得第一印象真是赏心悦目：宅邸宽敞明净的正面，敞开的窗户，明丽的窗帘以及那两个正在向外张望的仆人；我记得草坪，鲜亮的花朵，记得我那辆车的轮子嘎吱嘎吱地碾过铺着砂石的路，记得茂密的树冠之上，秃鼻乌鸦在金色天空中一边盘旋，一边呱呱直叫。这一幕的宏大壮美，与我自己那个乏善可陈的家迥然不同，倏忽间，门口冒出一个彬彬有礼之人，手上还牵着一个小姑娘，她俯身向我行屈膝礼，那副恭敬的架势，仿佛我不是女主人，便是一名贵客似的。在哈雷街时我曾对此地抱有更为偏狭的概念，如今回想起来，这倒更让我觉得主人真是一位绅士，看来我将享有的一切，会比他许诺的更多。
I had no drop again till the next day, for I was carried triumphantly through the following hours by my introduction to the younger of my pupils. The little girl who accompanied Mrs. Grose appeared to me on the spot a creature so charming as to make it a great fortune to have to do with her. She was the most beautiful child I had ever seen, and I afterward wondered that my employer had not told me more of her. I slept little that night--I was too much excited; and this astonished me, too, I recollect, remained with me, adding to my sense of the liberality with which I was treated. The large, impressive room, one of the best in the house, the great state bed, as I almost felt it, the full, figured draperies, the long glasses in which, for the first time, I could see myself from head to foot, all struck me--like the extraordinary charm of my small charge--as so many things thrown in. It was thrown in as well, from the first moment, that I should get on with Mrs. Grose in a relation over which, on my way, in the coach, I fear I had rather brooded. The only thing indeed that in this early outlook might have made me shrink again was the clear circumstance of her being so glad to see me. I perceived within half an hour that she was so glad-- stout, simple, plain, clean, wholesome woman-- as to be positively on her guard against showing it too much. I wondered even then a little why she should wish not to show it, and that, with reflection, with suspicion, might of course have made me uneasy
那天我的情绪再没低落下去，因为此后接连几个小时，我都因为结识了两个学生里更年幼的那位而沉浸在洋洋自得的愉悦中。在我眼里，这个依偎在格罗斯太太身边的小姑娘实在是个太讨喜的妙人儿，以至于你会不禁认定，但凡能跟她扯上关系就好比发了一大笔财。她是我平生所见过的最漂亮的孩子，后来我还有些纳闷，为什么关于这一点，我的东家没跟我多提。当晚我几乎一夜无眠——我太兴奋了；这感觉也让我惊诧莫名，如今回想起来，它一直就在我心头萦回不去，让我愈发感念此地待我是何等慷慨仁厚。这个宽敞的、叫人过目难忘的屋子是整幢宅子里最好的房间之一，那至今想来仍觉触手可及的华美的大床，还有绣着花纹的百褶帷幔，让我第一次从头照到脚的落地镜，这一切都震撼着我——正如那个将由我照看的小家伙一样具有非凡的魅力——竟会有那么多物事景象都是未曾料想到的。同样让我意外的是，从一开始，我和格罗斯太太就相处得颇为融洽，先前我坐在马车上一路过来时真是白白担心了一场。说实话，这番最初的照面中，惟有一个表情可能会让我再度退缩——一看到我她便禁不住开心得过了头。不到半小时我便能觉察出她心花怒放——这个壮实且率真，利落而干净，身心皆康健的女人——显然非得努力掩饰才不至于尽情流露。当时我甚至有些纳闷，不知她为何不愿尽情流露，若是对这一幕细细回味、略略猜疑，我必然会为此而心神不宁。
But it was a comfort that there could be no uneasiness in a connection with anything so beatific as the radiant image of my little girl, the vision of whose angelic beauty had probably more than anything else to do with the restlessness that, before morning, made me several times rise and wander about my room to take in the whole picture and prospect; to watch, from my open window, the faint summer dawn, to look at such portions o the rest of the house as I could catch, and to listen, while, in the fading dusk, the first birds began to twitter, for the possible recurrence of a sound or two, less natural and not without, but within, that I had fancied I heard. There had been a moment when I believed I recognized, faint and far, the cry of a child; there had been another when I found myself just consciously starting as at the passage, before my door, of a light footstep. But these fancies were not marked enough not to be thrown off, and it is only in the light, or the gloom, I should rather say, of other and subsequent matters that they now come back to me. To watch, teach, "form" little Flora would too evidently be the making of a happy and useful life. It had been agreed between us downstairs that after this first occasion I should have her as a matter of course at night, her small white bed being already arranged, to that end, in my room. What I had undertaken was the whole care of her, and she had remained, just this last time, with Mrs. Grose only as an effect of our consideration for my inevitable strangeness and her natural timidity. In spite of this timidity-- which the child herself, in the oddest way in the world, had been perfectly frank and brave about, allowing it, without a sign of uncomfortable consciousness, with the deep, sweet serenity indeed of one of Raphael's holy infants, to be discussed, to be imputed to her, and to determine us-- I feel quite sure she would presently like me. It was part of what I already liked Mrs. Grose hersel for, the pleasure I could see her feel in my admiration and wonder as I sat at supper with four tall candles and with my pupil, in a high chair and a bib, brightly facing me, between them, over bread and milk. There were naturally things that in Flora's presence could pass between us only as prodigious and gratified looks, obscure and roundabout allusions.
然而，教人心生慰藉的是，这番心神不宁，不可能与我那小姑娘光彩照人的模样——似这般幸福祥和的景象——扯上丝毫瓜葛，或许正是她那宛若天使的美貌，才最让我躁动不安——以至于未及凌晨便屡屡起身，在屋里踱来踱去，既盘算全局，又瞻望未来；透过敞开的窗户看夏日的熹微晨光，极目眺望整幢宅邸其余部分的景致，同时侧耳聆听——彼时鸟儿正在愈来愈淡的夜色中初试啼声——如真似幻中，我仿佛听见一两个可能同时发出的声响，不像鸟鸣般自然，而且并非外来，倒像是源自内部。曾有片刻工夫，我相信我分辨出远远传来孩子微弱的哭声；还有一刹那，我发觉自己被门口走廊里经过的一个轻轻的脚步声吓了一跳。然而，这些幻觉终究不那么显山露水，不至于让我念念不忘；毋宁说，惟有借着其他以及后续种种事端所投下的或明或暗的光影，它们才在我记忆中重新浮现。显然，看护、教导乃至“塑造”小弗洛拉也将让我的日子过得既快乐又充实。我们先前已经在楼下商定，首次会面之后，晚上当然该由我来照料她，因此她那张白色小床已经整饬停当，摆进了我的房间。我已经承担起了所有看护她的责任，而她之所以还得跟着格罗斯太太再睡这最后一晚，只是因为考虑到我终究初来乍到，而她又生来羞怯。尽管她那么羞怯——这孩子以天下最古怪的方式坦率而勇敢地将这种羞怯流露无遗，不着一丝忸怩不安的痕迹，其沉着恬静一如拉斐尔笔下的圣婴，随我们议论，任我们归咎，从而令我们决断——可我还是坚信，她很快就会喜欢上我。在点着四支长蜡烛的晚餐桌边，我的学生戴着围嘴坐在一张高椅上，漂漂亮亮地与我相对而坐，那些蜡烛之间堆着面包和牛奶，这一幕令我赏心悦目、惊叹不已，而我也能看出格罗斯太太对此感同身受，这正是我已经喜欢上格罗斯太太的原因之一。自然，当着弗洛拉的面，我们之间只能传递几个惊叹而满足的眼神，交换几句暧昧而迂回的暗示罢了。
"And the little boy--does he look like her? Is he too so very remarkable?" One wouldn't flatter a child. "Oh, miss, MOST remarkable. If you think well of this one!"--and she stood there with a plate in her hand, beaming at our companion, who looked from one of us to the other with placid heavenly eyes that contained nothing to check us. "Yes; if I do--?" "You WILL be carried away by the little gentleman!" "Well, that, I think, is what I came for--to be carried away. I'm afraid, however," I remember feeling the impulse to add, "I'm rather easily carried away. I was carried away in London!" I can still see Mrs. Grose's broad face as she took this in. "In Harley Street?" "In Harley Street." "Well, miss, you're not the first--and you won't be the last." "Oh, I've no pretension," I could laugh, "to being the only one. My other pupil, at any rate, as I understand, comes back tomorrow?" "Not tomorrow--Friday, miss. He arrives, as you did, by the coach, under care of the guard, and is to be met by the same carriage." I forthwith expressed that the proper as well as the pleasant and friendly thing would be therefore that on the arrival of the public conveyance I should be in waiting for him with his little sister; an idea in which Mrs. Grose concurred so heartily that I somehow took her manner as a kind of comforting pledge--never falsified, thank heaven!--that we should on every question be quite at one. Oh, she was glad I was there! What I felt the next day was, I suppose, nothing that could be fairly called a reaction from the cheer of my arrival; it was probably at the most only a slight oppression produced by a fuller measure of the scale, as I walked round them, gazed up at them, took them in, of my new circumstances. They had, as it were, an extent and mass for which I had not been prepared and in the presence of which I found myself, freshly, a little scared as well as a little proud. Lessons, in this agitation, certainly suffered some delay; I reflected that my first duty was, by the gentlest arts I could contrive, to win the child into the sense of knowing me. I spent the day with her out-of-doors; I arranged with her, to her great satisfaction, that it should be she, she only, who might show me the place. She showed it step by step and room by room and secret by secret, with droll, delightful, childish talk about it and with the result, in half an hour, of our becoming immense friends. Young as she was, I was struck, throughout our little tour, with her confidence and courage with the way, in empty chambers and dull corridors, on crooked staircases that made me pause and even on the summit of an old machicolated square tower that made me dizzy, her morning music, her disposition to tell me so many more things than she asked, rang out and led me on. I have not seen Bly since the day I left it, and I daresay that to my older and more informed eyes it would now appear sufficiently contracted. But as my little conductress, with her hair of gold and her frock of blue, danced before me round corners and pattered down passages, I had the view of a castle of romance inhabited by a rosy sprite, such a place as would somehow, for diversion of the young idea, take all color out of storybooks and fairytales. Wasn't it just a storybook over which I had fallen adoze and adream? No; it was a big, ugly, antique, but convenient house, embodying a few features of a building still older, half-replaced and half-utilized, in which I had the fancy of our being almost as lost as a handful of passengers in a great drifting ship. Well, I was, strangely, at the helm!
“那个小男孩——他长得像她吗？他也是这样出色吗？”我们俩先前已经讨论过，对孩子不能极尽褒扬之词。“哦，小姐，很出色。如果你对眼前这位就满意的话！”——她站在那里，手里端着一只盘子，冲着我们那个小伙伴微笑，后者用她那双宁静圣洁的眼睛看看她又看看我，目光里并不含一丝要质询我们的意思。“是；如果我确实——”“那么那位小绅士会让你神魂颠倒的！”“哦，我想，我来就是这个目的——神魂颠倒。不过，恐怕，”我记得当时情不自禁地加了一句，“我这人动辄就会神魂颠倒。我在伦敦时就已经神魂颠倒了！”格罗斯太太听见此话时那张宽阔的脸庞至今仍历历在目。“哈雷街？”“哈雷街。”“哦，小姐，你不是第一个——你也不会是最后一个。”“哦，我可没有自命惟一，”我居然还能笑出来。“不管怎么说，我另一个学生，我想他明天就要回来了？”“不是明天——礼拜五，小姐。跟你一样，他会先坐公共马车，有人护送，然后同样由那辆车去接来。”我随即问道，如此说来，设若那公共马车一到，我便和他妹妹一起去迎候他，是不是显得既得体又友善，还让人心生愉悦？格罗斯太太对这项提议的响应是如此热烈，以至于我不由将她的态度视为某种让人欣慰的承诺——全无半点虚情假意，真是谢天谢地！——保证我们俩将会在任何问题上不谋而合。哦，我能到这里来，她有多高兴啊！我想，我在次日的感受，与那种经历过初来乍到的兴奋之后骤然回落的情绪，绝不是一回事；也许充其量不过是一丁点压抑，那是因为我在崭新的环境里四处走动，凝神注视，用心憬悟，从而对整体规模有了更详尽的了解。看起来，此地的范围之广、体量之大，都超出我的预想，面对着它，我发觉自己心里同时冒出些许恐惧与几分自豪来，程度不相上下。既然心绪如此不宁，正规的课程当然要受点影响；我思忖，当下的首要职责，是尽力通过最温柔可人的手段来让这孩子跟我熟络起来。一整天我都跟她待在户外；我设法让她意识到，理该是她，也惟有她，才配带着我四处巡游，这一点让她心满意足。她领着我迈出一步又一步，穿过一间又一间，说出一个又一个秘密，嘴里还念着怪兮兮、乐滋滋的童言稚语，半小时之后，我们终于成了亲密无间的好朋友。虽然年纪那么小，可她在我们这一段短短的旅程中始终自信而勇敢，引领着我被沿途景物深深打动：空旷的房间，昏暗的走廊，弯弯曲曲的、令我只能且走且停的楼梯，即便是攀上一座古老的有堞口的方塔顶——那里让我头晕目眩——她口中吟唱的晨曲，以及她那种哪怕我未曾发问亦会侃侃而谈的气质，始终铿锵作响，引领我继续前进。自离别之后，我再也没去过布莱庄园，而且我敢说，以我如今更老于世故的目光打量，那里已经远不如当年那般威严壮观。然而，当我那金发蓝裙的小向导在我前面一路舞蹈着转过一个个角落、双脚啪嗒啪嗒地走过一条条过道时，我的眼前分明是一座住着玫瑰色精灵的浪漫城堡，这样的地方难免会在年轻人的想象中变形，从故事书和童话里汲取种种斑斓色彩。这难道不就是一本让我堕入小睡或酣梦的故事书吗？非也：那是一座硕大、丑陋、古老却又便利的宅子，具有某些更为古老的建筑的特征，它一半闲置，一半运转，置身于其中，我幻想着自己几乎像是坐在一艘漂流不定的大船上的一小拨乘客一样茫然无措。好吧，我竟然莫名其妙地掌着舵！