自恋性暴怒是什么？自恋性暴怒可怕吗？
全能自恋
也就是说，所有的婴儿在最开始的时候都是全能自恋的，他们会觉得自己是神，神一动念头，外部世界就会按照自己的意愿给予回应；如果外部世界不按自己意愿运转，神就会变成魔，恨不得毁了外部世界，这就是自恋性暴怒。
这是所有人的心理发展的最初阶段，也是最低级阶段。当然也是所有人心理的最初基础，或者说是所有人的生命底色。
全能自恋是生命的第一动力，人类文明的一切都是它推动的结果，我们之前提到的性和攻击性的动力，也是它演化的结果。
在全能自恋之后，随着婴儿的成长，逐渐会发展出自我、关系、动力、思维、情感等等高级的心理现象。而无论人发展到哪一个阶段，自恋仍然是所有人的所有心理结构的基石。
有部分人会停留在全能自恋的心理发展阶段，全能自恋和自恋性暴怒是心理发展水平最低的一种表现，这种人彻底地活在一元世界中，只能感受到自己的意志，而不能感受到别人和自己一样是平等而独立的存在。比如下面这个例子就是心理发展停留在全能自恋阶段的典型例子。
当然上面的例子是很极端的例子，而生活中很多人或多或少的也停留在这个心理发展阶段，只不过程度会小很多而已。其表现就是只能感受到自己的意志，而不能感受到别人和自己一样是平等而独立的存在。这种情况是很多的，甚至可以说是无处不在，所有人都会有表现出这种心理状态的时候，只是程度不同而已。原因就在于：全能自恋是所有人的所有心理的基础。
全能自恋是所有婴儿一开始的心理。这导致了一个巨大的矛盾：婴儿觉得自己是神，但早期婴儿的能力接近于零，他的一切得依赖于抚养者的照料。当抚养者能及时回应，照料好他的吃喝拉撒睡玩，并能给予情感回应时，小婴儿觉得自己像神一般伟大，声音一发出，世界就满足；他会觉得“我”是好的，“你”也是好的，于是就有了“好孩子”和“好妈妈”。当抚养者不能及时给予回应，忽视或拒绝了小婴儿的声音时，小婴儿就产生了彻底无助和自恋性暴怒，恨不得毁了这个世界；这时他觉得“我”是坏的，“你”也是坏的，于是就有了“坏孩子”和“坏妈妈”。在那些人的世界里是非黑即白、非好即坏、非敌即友。那些人会很偏执（偏执的另一种说法就是强迫症）。
一个成年人如果还严重停留在全能自恋状态，会变得麻烦很多，因为他的需求和暴怒，都远大于小婴儿；并且成年人的自恋性暴怒一旦变成攻击*行为性**，易导致严重的破坏。这里有两个点值得详细说一下：偏执与暴怒。
有些人很执着，或者说是偏执。比如，有一个小例子。某人，与他打牌时，只能用某一种规则，改变一下规则坚决不干，甚至可以跟你闹翻。你可能会好奇，不就是打个牌，娱乐消遣，怎么开心怎么来不就行了吗。他们为什么为了固守一个死规则，宁愿不玩，宁愿与你争吵，甚至宁愿付出一切代价呢？在他们内心这个死规则为什么有如此的重要性呢？是他们的理想信念吗？还是在他们内心有某种内在价值？你仔细与他们接触发现其实并不是。而根源是恐惧！来自于幼年的恐惧，即不正确的养育行为。你一定可以在他们背后找到一个内心很紧张恐惧的养育者，或者是小心翼翼，或者是大惊小怪，养育者给婴儿表现的的惊慌与夸张的语言和表情会给婴儿留下恐惧心理底色。
因为他们心中的“好”太少，而“坏”太多，所以必须偏执，这是为了保护心中很少的“好”。有一些错误的养育观念是非常可怕的，比如有人说，孩子三岁前是没有记忆的，所以怎么对他都行。其实恰恰相反，孩子越小，越是需要精心呵护，尽可能减少他无助和暴怒的时候。
当小婴儿感知到，他基本上是一个“好婴儿”，他的妈妈基本上是一个“好妈妈”时，他就从全能自恋和自恋性暴怒中走出来了。他发现，自己虽然有无助和暴怒的“坏婴儿”的部分，妈妈也有照顾不足的“坏妈妈”的部分，婴儿和妈妈都是有好有坏，但这个原初自体和原初客体，都基本上是“好”的，他的世界也基本上是可以控制的；他的一个个具体的意志经常会被挫败，但基本上，他的重要意志是可以得以实现的。特别是，他是可以安全、舒适地存活的。
成年人的全能自恋
一个成年人如果还严重停留在全能自恋状态，那会变得麻烦很多，因为他的需求和暴怒，都和婴儿不同了。婴儿的需求大不了就是吃、喝、拉、撒、睡、玩，以及情感需求，而成年人的需求则变成各种各样的物质需求和情感需求，甚至真的想拥有整个世界，这时已经不可能找到一个妈妈来满足自己。并且，成年人的自恋性暴怒一旦变成攻击*行为性**，很容易导致严重的破坏。
特别严重地停留在全能自恋中的成年人，常常就没得救了。比如我们上周谈到的精神病患者，他们中的一些病情可以通过药物治疗等方式得以缓解，却很难被真正疗愈。不过，在我的观察中，很多人包括我自己，是没有觉知地、在相当程度上停留在全能自恋中，这时觉知到它的存在就变得非常重要。
特别重要的是，全能自恋是生命的第一动力，人类文明的一切都是它推动的结果，我们之前提到的性和攻击性的动力，也是它演化的结果。
今日得到
全能自恋，就是一个人觉得自己是神，神一动念头，外部世界就会按照自己的意愿给予回应；如果外部世界不按自己意愿运转，神就会变成魔，恨不得毁了外部世界，这就是自恋性暴怒。全能自恋和自恋性暴怒是心理发展水平最低的一种表现，这种人彻底地活在一元世界中，只能感受到自己的意志，而不能感受到别人和自己一样是平等而独立的存在。
全能自恋是所有婴儿一开始的心理。这导致了一个巨大的矛盾：婴儿觉得自己是神，但早期婴儿的能力接近于零，他的一切得依赖于抚养者的照料。当抚养者能及时回应，照料好他的吃喝拉撒睡玩，并能给予情感回应时，小婴儿觉得自己像神一般伟大，声音一发出，世界就满足；他会觉得“我”是好的，“你”也是好的，于是就有了“好孩子”和“好妈妈”。当抚养者不能及时给予回应，忽视或拒绝了小婴儿的声音时，小婴儿就产生了彻底无助和自恋性暴怒，恨不得毁了这个世界；这时他觉得“我”是坏的，“你”也是坏的，于是就有了“坏孩子”和“坏妈妈”。
最好的养育观念是孩子越小，越要精心呵护，给予小婴儿及时的回应，满足他的全能自恋，尽可能减少他无助和暴怒的时刻。“好”足够多时，小婴儿会随着长大慢慢整合。他发现，虽然婴儿和妈妈都有好有坏，但基本都是好的，他的世界也基本是可控的，他的重要意志可得以实现，他可以安全、舒适地存活。
一个成年人如果还严重停留在全能自恋状态，会变得麻烦很多，因为他的需求和暴怒，都远大于小婴儿；并且成年人的自恋性暴怒一旦变成攻击*行为性**，易导致严重的破坏。
全能自恋是生命的第一动力，人类文明的一切都是它推动的结果，性和攻击性的动力也是它演化的结果。很多人是没有觉知地、在相当程度上停留在全能自恋中，这时觉知到它的存在就非常重要。
What is narcissistic rage? Is narcissistic rage terrible? Omnipotent narcissism means that all babies are omnipotent narcissists at the very beginning. They will feel that they are gods. When God moves an idea, the external world will respond according to their own wishes; If the external world does not work according to their own wishes, God will turn into a devil and wish to destroy the external world. This is narcissistic rage. This is the initial stage and the lowest stage of all people's psychological development. Of course, it is also the initial basis of everyone's psychology, or the background of everyone's life. Omnipotent narcissism is the first driving force of life. Everything about human civilization is the result of its promotion. The sexual and aggressive driving forces we mentioned earlier are also the result of its evolution. After omnipotent narcissism, with the growth of infants, they will gradually develop advanced psychological phenomena such as self, relationship, motivation, thinking, emotion and so on. However, no matter what stage of human development, narcissism is still the cornerstone of all human psychological structures. Some people will stay at the stage of psychological development of omnipotent narcissism. Omnipotent narcissism and narcissistic rage are the manifestations of the lowest level of psychological development. Such people live in a monistic world completely and can only feel their own will, but can not feel that others are equal and independent as themselves. For example, the following example is a typical example of psychological development staying at the stage of omnipotent narcissism. Of course, the above example is a very extreme example, and many people in life more or less stay at this stage of psychological development, but the degree will be much smaller. Its performance is that they can only feel their own will, but can not feel that others are equal and independent existence like themselves. There are a lot of such situations. It can even be said that they are everywhere. Everyone will show this psychological state at some time, but to varying degrees. The reason is that omnipotent narcissism is the basis of all people's psychology. Omnipotent narcissism is the initial psychology of all infants. This leads to a huge contradiction: the baby feels that he is a God, but the early baby's ability is close to zero, and everything he does depends on the care of his caregiver. When the caregiver can respond in time, take good care of his food, drink, sleep and play, and give emotional response, the baby feels like a God, and the world will be satisfied as soon as the voice is made; He will think that "I" is good and "you" is good, so he has "good children" and "good mothers". When the caregiver fails to respond in time and ignores or rejects the baby's voice, the baby will have a complete helplessness and narcissistic rage and wish to destroy the world; At this time, he thought that "I" was bad and "you" was bad, so he had "bad children" and "bad mothers". In the world of those people, black is white, good is bad, and enemy is friend. Those people will be very paranoid (another term for paranoia is obsessive-compulsive disorder). If an adult is still in a state of omnipotent narcissism, he will become a lot of trouble, because his needs and anger are far greater than those of a baby; And once the narcissistic rage of adults turns into aggressive behavior, it is easy to cause serious damage. Here are two points worth mentioning in detail: bigotry and rage. Some people are persistent, or paranoid. For example, there is a small example. Someone, when playing cards with him, can only use a certain rule, change the rule and never do it, or even fall out with you. You may be curious. It's just a matter of playing cards, entertaining, and having fun. Why do they prefer not to play, rather quarrel with you, or even pay all the price in order to stick to a dead rule? Why is the death rule so important in their hearts? Is it their ideal and belief? Or is there some intrinsic value in them? You contact them carefully and find that they are not. The root cause is fear! Fear from childhood, that is, incorrect parenting behavior. You can certainly find a very nervous and fearful nurturer behind them, or be cautious or make a fuss. The panic and exaggerated language and expression of the nurturer will leave a background of fear for the baby. Because there are too few "good" and too many "bad" in their hearts, they must be paranoid. This is to protect the few "good" in their hearts. Some erroneous parenting concepts are terrible. For example, some people say that a child has no memory before the age of three, so it is OK to treat him anyway. In fact, on the contrary, the younger the child is, the more careful care is needed to minimize his helplessness and anger. When the little baby perceives that he is basically a "good baby" and his mother is basically a "good mother", he comes out of omnipotent narcissism and narcissistic rage. He found that although he had a helpless and angry "bad baby" part, and his mother also had a "bad mother" part with insufficient care, both the baby and the mother had good and bad, but the original self and the original object were basically "good", and his world was basically controllable; His specific will is often frustrated, but basically, his important will can be realized. In particular, he can live safely and comfortably. Adult's omnipotent narcissism if an adult still stays in the state of omnipotent narcissism, it will become a lot of trouble, because his needs and anger are different from those of infants. The big deal of a baby's needs is to eat, drink, pull, sprinkle, sleep, play, and emotional needs, while the needs of an adult become a variety of material and emotional needs, and even really want to have the whole world. At this time, it is impossible to find a mother to meet their own needs. Moreover, once the narcissistic rage of adults turns into aggressive behavior, it is easy to cause serious damage. Adults who are particularly seriously stuck in omnipotent narcissism are often not saved. For example, the psychiatric patients we talked about last week, some of whose conditions can be alleviated through drug treatment, but they are difficult to be really cured. However, in my observation, many people, including myself, stay in omnipotent narcissism without awareness to a certain extent. At this time, it becomes very important to be aware of its existence. What is particularly important is that omnipotent narcissism is the first driving force of life. Everything about human civilization is the result of its promotion. The sexual and aggressive driving forces we mentioned earlier are also the result of its evolution. Today's omnipotent narcissism means that a person feels that he is a God. When God moves an idea, the external world will respond according to his own wishes; If the external world does not work according to their own wishes, God will turn into a devil and wish to destroy the external world. This is narcissistic rage. Omnipotent narcissism and narcissistic rage are manifestations of the lowest level of psychological development. Such people live in a monistic world completely, and can only feel their own will, but can not feel that others are equal and independent as themselves. Omnipotent narcissism is the initial psychology of all infants. This leads to a huge contradiction: the baby feels that he is a God, but the early baby's ability is close to zero, and everything he does depends on the care of his caregiver. When the caregiver can respond in time, take good care of his food, drink, sleep and play, and give emotional response, the baby feels like a God, and the world will be satisfied as soon as the voice is made; He will think that "I" is good and "you" is good, so he has "good children" and "good mothers". When the caregiver fails to respond in time and ignores or rejects the baby's voice, the baby will have a complete helplessness and narcissistic rage and wish to destroy the world; At this time, he thought that "I" was bad and "you" was bad, so he had "bad children" and "bad mothers". The best parenting concept is that the younger the child is, the more careful care should be taken. Give the baby a timely response, meet his omnipotent narcissism, and minimize his helpless and angry moments. When "good" is enough, the baby will gradually integrate as he grows up. He found that although both the baby and the mother have good and bad, they are basically good. His world is also basically controllable. His important will can be realized and he can live safely and comfortably. If an adult is still in a state of omnipotent narcissism, he will become a lot of trouble, because his needs and anger are far greater than those of a baby; And once the narcissistic rage of adults turns into aggressive behavior, it is easy to cause serious damage. Omnipotent narcissism is the first driving force of life. Everything in human civilization is the result of its promotion, and the sexual and aggressive driving forces are also the result of its evolution. Many people stay in omnipotence narcissism without awareness to a certain extent. At this time, it is very important to be aware of its existence.
#闪闪发光的他#