开店基金:
破产姐妹
第一季 第7集
晚上好 女士们 姐妹们的聚会吗
Evening, ladies. Gals' night out?
泡泡男人 吃吃馅饼 找找乐子
Chasing guys, eating pie, having fun.
这桌子黏死了 快拿块湿布擦擦
This table is sticky! Run a damp rag across it!
你们弄干净点会死吗
Would it kill you to clean a little?
这是什么鬼地方啊
What kinda place is this?
只上残羹冷炙的破地方
The kind that serves soup cold.
你那夸张的耳环是干嘛
And what's with your crazy earrings?
你以为你是吉普赛人啊
What are you, some kinda gypsy?
够了 别说了 女士们
Okay. Whoa! Hold up, ladies.
别以为快入土为安 耍泼就没人管了
You don't get a bitch pass just 'cause you're old.
对 没错 我就要骂
Yes, that's right. I said it.
你们带着流氓老太的态度来这里
You come in here with your gangster granny attitude,
觉得把气撒在下层吉普赛服务员身上 也没人敢骂
think you can get away with dumping all over the lowly gypsy waitress.
做梦
No way.
本餐厅不搞尊老爱幼那一套
At this diner, we don't discriminate due to age.
你们如果继续这么讨打
If you're gonna act like an ass,
那老娘不介意也暴打你们一顿
I'm gonna treat you like an ass...
别以为你们屁股"垂垂"老矣 我就会多敬几分
No matter how close that ass is riding to the floor.
我先擦一下桌子 然后从头开始
Now, I'll wipe off the table we'll take it from the top.
你们好 我是麦克斯 谁想来点木薯
Hi, I'm Max. Who wants tapioca?
这样才乖嘛
That's more like it.
把失望的心情留到见孙子时再用吧
Save the disappointment for the grandkids.
厄尔 我得要个新的账单本
Earl, I need another book of checks.
原来那本掉进烤箱和冰箱中间了
The last one fell between the refrigerator and the oven.
我有去捡的念头 可那念头也掉进了
I'd reach for it, but that falls between
"懒得捡"和"恶心不想捡"之间
"I don't do that" and "oh, hell no."
看啊 麦克斯
Look overthere, Max.
西装革履的成功人士
Men and women in suits.
咱这一区开始向上发展了
This neighborhood is definitely on the rise.
想当年黑人在这附近还打不上车呢
I remember a time when a black man couldn't get a cab around here.
"当年"是指这周三
And that time was Wednesday.
麦克斯 我刚跟二号卡座的聪明人聊天了
Max, I was just talking to the smart couples in booth two.
我知道他们聪明 是因为他们是这家店
I know they're smart because they're the first people in here
croque monsieur: 法语直译为"咬先生"
是法国式火腿干酪热三明治
所有点"咬先生"的人中第一批念对的人
who ever ordered the croque monsieur as croque monsieur
别人都读成"*交口**先生"
and not "crock monster."
他们求见做小蛋糕的师傅
They wanna meet the woman who made the cupcakes.
我告诉他们你很快就过去
I told them you'd be right over.
-去吧 他们人很好的 -不 他们才不是好人
- Go! They're so nice. - No, they're not nice.
他们是披着时装的吸血蝗虫
They're trendy, blood-sucking locusts
来这里掠夺和摧毁这一带
who come into this neighborhood to pillage and destroy
我所在乎的一切
everything I care about.
我21岁生日派对 希尔顿姐妹不请自来
I felt the same way when the Hilton sisters
我也是这感觉
crashed my 21st birthday.
干嘛
What?
这小蛋糕是你做的吗
You made these cupcakes?
是 有什么问题吗
Yeah, what's the problem?
有屁就快放 老娘忙着呢
Spit it out, I've got a life.
我们是想告诉你 你这口味
We just wanted to tell you that your flavor palate is...
一流啊
amazing.
虽然我不知道你是谁 从哪来
I don't know who you are or where you came from--
我也不知道
Neither do I.
但这蛋糕口味一级棒
But these are fabulous.
欢迎来到本社区
Well, welcome to the neighborhood.
我就知道我会喜欢你们
I knew I liked you guys.
那些穿着时装的蝗虫想干嘛
So what did the trendy locusts want?
你也太以貌取人了吧
You are so judgmental, you know that?
人家想称赞我 蛋糕做得"一级棒"
They wanted to tell me the cupcakes are "fabulous."
现在信了吧 被除了我之外的人夸
Thank you. Maybe now you'll finally start to get it
可以相信你的小蛋糕是真好吃了吧
if someone besides me tells you how good they are.
不是好吃 人家是说"一级棒"
I believe the word was "fabulous."
上菜 麦克斯
Pick up, Max.
奥列格 以后请称我为
Oleg, from now on, you may call me
一级棒小蛋糕女爵麦克斯
Countess Max of the fabulous cupcakes.
也请称我 裆中欢乐无极限男爵奥列格
And you may call me Sir Oleg of the amazing party in my pants.
卡洛琳 那些西装革履的开心人士
Caroline, the happy, shiny people in suits
让我把这纸条给你
asked me to give you this note.
这个主意真棒
Oh, what a great idea!
他们建议我们把麦克斯的小蛋糕
They suggested we sell Max's cupcakes
拿去他们楼里新开的那家咖啡店卖
at the cool new coffee place in their building.
但你们已经在我这家餐厅卖了呀
But you already sell cupcakes here in my diner.
憨 我们要开一家
Han, we're building a cupcake business
某天能助我们飞出这里的蛋糕店
that will one day get us out of here.
我们的目标是要脱离苦海
That's what we're trying to do with our lives.
我们之间这情谊难道是假的吗
But I thought we had something special.
可我们也没有订终身啊
Yes, but we're not exclusive.
这儿是挺好的 可我要的不止如此
The diner's cute, but I want more than this.
哎哟
Oof.
初恋女友的台词又重现了
First girlfriend all over again.
你好呀 强尼
Hey, Johnny.
麦克斯负责的桌子在墙那边
Max has the tables against the wall.
我们在你这区呆着就好
Oh, we're good in your section.
卡洛琳 这是我的朋友卡洛斯
Caroline, I want you to meet my buddy Carlos.
有啥子新鲜事嘛
What's happenin'?
你好
Hi.
我负责的区在柜台那
Well, I'm working the counter.
有啥子新鲜事 你不是吧
What's happenin'? Come on, dude.
你可是纽约大学的文学院毕业的
You have a literature degree from NYU.
这话下意识就说出来了 每次我一紧张
I didn't mean to say that, but when I get nervous,
说话就自动变得流里流气
my Rico Suave comes out.
下次绝不再犯
It won't happen again.
给你们两张菜单
And here's two menus.
有啥子新鲜事嘛
What's happenin'?
兄弟 我真的很紧张
Dude, I'm nervous.
伙计们 我的区在那边呢
Hey, guys, I'm in that section over there.
我们在卡洛琳这区呆着就行
Oh, we're good in Caroline's area.
你要是喜欢裤裆这区被撒热咖啡
Well, if you like hot coffee in your pants area,
坐这里就对了
you're in the right place.
老实说 我喜欢
Actually, I like that.
马上为您送来
Coming right at you.
强尼在你那区坐着呢
Johnny's in your section.
是啊 为什么呀
Yeah, why?
他每晚来这儿明明就是为了见你
He comes in here every night to see you.
他是你的朋友 或是情迷对象什么的
He's your friends or...crush or whatever he is.
闭嘴 他才不让我情迷意乱呢 他只是...
Shh! He's not a crush. He's a...
我不知道他算什么 现在重点是
I don't know what he is, but whatever he is,
他去坐了你那区
he's in your section.
-麦克斯 -你这是干嘛
- Max! - Ooh! What are you doing?
你不能进来的
You're not supposed to be in here.
我知道 我是个小坏蛋
I know, I'm a bad boy.
听着 我之所以不坐在你那区
Look, the reason I'm not sitting in your section
是因为我朋友卡洛斯对卡洛琳超级动心
is because my buddy Carlos is crushing pretty hard on Caroline
他求我尽力去帮他牵线
and he asked me to do what I can to hook them up.
哦 原来你的职业不光是酒保
Oh. So now you're a bartender,
还是街头艺术家和皮条客
a street artist, and a pimp.
兼职帮*弟弟小**拉拉皮条有啥不对
Ain't nuttin' wrong with me pimpin' some boy on the side.
不然哪有钱搞艺术什么的
Keeps me in spray paint and whatnot.
所以呢
So?
马夫 *鸨老**之间不说暗话
From pimp to pimp...
帮我把你的妹子搞到手吧
Help me out with your girl.
我的妹子可不是这么好"搞"的
My girl don't come cheap.
这里是不是有点热呀
Is it hot in here?
是啊 我们还是在冷藏室呢
Yes, and we're in a freezer.
没错 在我的冷藏室
Yes. My freezer.
我就进来跟麦克斯聊两句
I was, uh, just talking to Max.
外面见
Um, I'll see you out there.
-你就喜欢这货吗 -什么
- So is this what you like in the man? - What?
不 他只是个耍流氓的顾客而已
No. He's just a customer that went rogue.
他又弱又娘
He is weak and girlish.
真正的汉子才配得上风华绝代的你
A woman like you needs a real man.
常言道
You know what they say.
一旦去了乌克兰 *爱做**疼痛不叫难
Once you go Ukraine, you will scream with sex pain.
原来充满*欲情**的句子 经你翻译失色不少
That probably lost some of its sensual appeal in the translation,
但还是感谢你的邀请 奥列格
but thanks for the offer, Oleg.
人还行 但是我没兴趣
Cute, but I'm not interested.
再说了 他不是我的菜
Besides, he's not my type.
你就直说吧
Just say it.
你对他不感兴趣是因为他是波多黎各人
You're not interested in him because he's Puerto Rican.
你怎么会觉得我只跟白人约会呢
Where did you get this idea that I would only date white guys?
告诉你 我可是各种男人都尝过哟
For your information, I've dated all kinds of men.
我曾经在蒙特卡洛还有个西班牙人男友呢
I once had a Spaniard in Monte Carlo.
阿巴乐队 瑞典著名乐队
怎么听起来像阿巴乐队的歌名啊
Isn't the title of an Abba song?
你确定吗 他挺可爱的
Are you sure about this? He's cute.
相信我 你这碗白女饭可以"上"点莎莎男酱
And trust me, you could use a little salsa on your white rice.
麦克斯 我才破产不久
Max, I just lost every dollar I had.
我现在脑子里最没空想的就是男人
The last thing on my mind right now is guys--
什么男人都不想
any type of guy.
除了他
Except this guy.
你好 栗宝
Hi, Chestnut.
我更关心我们的生意
I'm much more concerned with our business
想着怎么尽快脱离苦海
and getting my head back above water.
男人迟早会来的
Men will come sooner or later.
根据我的"调查" 男人只会早"来" 不会晚泄
Well, according to my research most men come sooner.
我觉得明天应该去那家新开的咖啡店
Oh, I thought we should stop by that new coffee place tomorrow
推销你的小蛋糕 做下自我介绍
and introduce ourselves and your cupcakes.
我才不去呢 感觉像是出卖自己
I'm not gonna walk in there. I feel like I'm selling out.
让我们把"出卖"这个词
Okay, let's reframe the phrase selling out
改为"卖光" 比如说
and make it sold out, as in
"麦克斯 我们的小蛋糕都卖光啦"
"Max, we sold out of the cupcakes"
"我们功成名就了"
and are now successful."
你刚说什么
What's that you say?
是说"我又买得起高档含蜡牙线"了吗
I can now afford to buy the wax dental floss again?
好吧
Fine.
我会同意只是为了让你
But I'm only doing it so you'll eventually
别老惦记着生意 有空去"滋润"自己
get your mind off the business and get laid.
你为啥认为我迫切需要被滋润
Why do you think I need to get laid so badly?
如果你承受的压力和创伤发生在我身上
If I'd just gone through all the tension and trauma that just happened to you,
为了寻求安慰 电线杆都会被我磨成针
I'd be climbing telephone poles to take the edge off.
滚床单这档事 我现在压根就不会想
Trust me, sex is the last thing on my mind right now.
说到这方面
Oh, and speaking of reframing things,
我有个惊喜要宣布
I have a surprise.
我重新装饰了我的房间
I redecorated my room.
我在休斯顿街的床品店
I scoped out some cheap fabric in bedding places
买了点物美价廉的布料
down on Houston Street.
你觉得如何呀
What do you think?
我觉得你把床布置成了阴道
I think you've made a vagina.
什么
What?
姐妹 你虽然嘴上说着不想滚床单
Sister, you may think that sex is the last thing on your mind,
但你老实的身子把床布置成了阴道
but you turned your bed into a vagina.
我阴道哪来的帘子啊
Do you think my vagina has curtains?
太久没人掀 谁都说不准
I don't know how long it's been.
我累了 我要睡觉了
I'm tired. I'm going to bed.
好吧 但是我得做明天带去那里的蛋糕
Okay, but I still have to make the cupcakes to bring by that place tomorrow.
我不想吵醒你
I don't wanna keep you awake
所以今晚你不如去睡我的床
so why don't you sleep in my bed tonight
我就在你阴道上昏睡一晚算了
and I'll pass out on your vagina?
好吧 "睡"完明早可要请我吃早餐哦
Okay, but you better buy me breakfast in the morning.
我喜欢这个地方 感觉像是二十年代的巴黎
I love this place. Looks like Paris in the '20s.
更像二十几岁的伪小资吧
More like poseurs in their 20s.
天啊 他们把这地方改头换面了啊
Man, they've really cleaned this place up.
你以前来过这儿吗
You've been here before?
是啊 这里之前是卖酒的
Yeah, it used to be a liquor store
是一个鸡鸡上长有雀斑的爱尔兰老头开的
owned by this old Irish guy who had freckles on his penis.
有时候他会把你逼到角落 然后快速露鸟
Sometimes he'd corner you and flash it,
但事后都会送你一张免费的乐透彩票
but then he'd always comp you a free lotto ticket.
好的 等会推销的时候就别提这种"美好"的往事了吧
Okay, well, let's try and keep that sort of charming nostalgia out of our sales pitch.
店主在那里
Oh, that's the owner.
带你来之前 我已经摸清底细了
I scoped it out before you got here.
记住 话由我来说
And remember, I'll do the talking.
为什么我不能说
Why don't I get to talk?
长雀斑的鸡鸡
Freckled penis.
再说了 我比较有经验
And besides, I have more experience.
曾以菲利普斯·埃克塞特创业家俱乐部会员身份
All those who pitched business models to Warren Buffett as a member of
菲利普斯·埃克塞特是全美最好的私立寄宿制高中之一
向股神巴菲特推销过盈利模式的人 请举手
the Phillips Exeter Entrepreneurs Club raise their hands.
完胜
Holla!
如果你想做到还举手抢着做
Well, if you care enough to raise your arms about it,
好吧 你来说 我不会说一个字
fine. You talk. I won't say anything.
你好 需要点什么吗
Hi, what can I get for you?
你好 我是卡洛琳 这位是我的合作伙伴麦克斯
Hi, I'm Caroline and this is my business partner Max.
-请问您怎么称呼 -西蒙娜
- And you are? - Semhar.
-天啊 -好名字
- Oh, jeez. - Such a pretty name.
在梵文里是"老虎之光"的意思
It means "light of the tiger" in Sanskrit.
天啊
Oh, jeez.
是我练瑜珈的名字
It's my yoga name.
神啊 救救我吧
Help me, God.
西蒙娜 我们刚在本区开了家小蛋糕店
Well, Semhar, we just opened a local neighborhood cupcake company.
这是我们的名片
Our card.
我们来把自家的拳头产品
We're introducing our exciting product
介绍给本地的面包店
to local boulangeries.
请试一个我们的样品吧 麦克斯
Please try a sample. Max.
你是想来个椰子咖啡味的 巧克力咖喱味
Would you like coconut-coffee, chocolate-curry,
还是蓝莓柠檬味
or blueberry-lemon zest?
我最喜欢的是椰子咖啡味
My absolute fave is the coconut-coffee.
咱们先从这个试起 好吗
Let's start with that, shall we?
谢谢 但是不用了 谢谢
Thank you, but no thank you.
能问下原因吗
Well, can I ask you why?
它们不够漂亮
They're not pretty enough.
你说什么
Excuse me?
它们不够漂亮
They're not pretty enough.
或许你试吃之后
Perhaps if you tried one,
会发现这口味有多棒
you'd see how amazing our flavor palate is.
打住 弗雷"味"
Hold off, Flavour Flav.
Flavour Flav: 美国饶舌歌手 名字"Flavour"也有味道的意思
你说它们不够漂亮是什么意思
What do you mean, they're not pretty enough?
这小蛋糕有个自制小作坊的可爱外形
They have a charming homemade look,
但是我的顾客喜欢更高档更漂亮的产品
but my customer would prefer a more upscale, prettier product.
告诉你一下 你这家高档的店
Just FYI, some upscale residents
所在的这栋高档的大楼
in this very upscale building
里面的高档住户
where your upscale store actually is located
前不久才夸我们的蛋糕一级棒呢
recently told us they were fabulous.
我懂
I understand.
但它们不够漂亮
But they're not pretty enough.
Battlefield Earth 科幻片 片子外星人的发型与西蒙娜的一样
给我听着 外星人
Listen, Battlefield Earth.
这里可是布鲁克林的威廉斯堡
This is Williamsburg, Brooklyn,
再多仿古砖 再怎么粉刷 也改变不了
and no amount of exposed brick and paint can change the fact that,
这个地方的本质
right where you're standing,
我在这里看见过无数次
I've seen Tommy O'Hanlon's wing-wang
前爱尔兰老板的鸡鸡
more times than I care to remember.
可你的态度还比他的鸡鸡更让人火大
And I must say, it was way less offensive than your attitude.
你这死人态度就留给你的死人*眼屁**看吧 走吧
And you can shove that up your upscale. Let's go.
瑜珈课结束的时候 师生们会彼此合掌互道一声Namaste
-有礼了 -有礼了
- Namaste. - Namaste.
你怎么两手空空来了 麦克斯
What's with the empty hands, Max?
今晚没做蛋糕吗
No cupcakes tonight?
没 蛋糕让我心烦 所以我决定歇一晚
No, they're bugging me. I decided to take the night off.
做这种决定时要小心
Be careful with decisions like that.
地球风与火乐队 七十年代黑人乐队
当年我也决定歇一晚 缺席地球风与火乐队
In 1987, I took a night off from Earth, Wind, and Fire
隔天 乐队就风风火火的把我踢出去了
and the next day, they earth, wind, and fired my ass.
大家好啊 抱歉我来晚了
Hi. Sorry I'm late.
在你阴道里午后小睡了一把吗
Mid-afternoon nap in your vagina?
我也希望 可惜不是
I wish! No.
我去绿点区一家便宜面包店用品店
I went to a cheap bakery supply store in Greenpoint
给咱们买了点装备
and got us some supplies.
给
Here.
这是基本的蛋糕装饰装备
It's the basic cake decorating kit.
最棒的是 我在一家蛋糕店给咱俩报了
And best of all I found us a fun, reasonable
一个好玩又价格合理的两课时蛋糕装饰课
two-session cupcake decorating class at a bakery.
我们能学到如何做出漂亮的玫瑰花哦
We can learn how to make pretty roses.
做梦
No way.
我的蛋糕不需要变漂亮
The cupcakes don't need to be pretty.
它们主攻幽默路线
They compensate by having a great sense of humor.
漂亮的蛋糕只是我们事业的另一个路线
Pretty cupcakes is just another option for our business.
人们喜欢漂亮 我们就做得漂亮
People want pretty, we do pretty.
或者人们喜欢自制 我们就...
Or people want homemade, we do--
等等 我们的自制蛋糕呢
Wait, where is our homemade?
今晚我没做
I didn't make any tonight.
怎么不做啊
You didn't make any?
干嘛 就因为人家一次建设性的批评
What, you get one piece of constructive criticism
就不再做蛋糕了吗
and you stop making them?
麦克斯 咱们是做生意
Max, it's business.
而且西蒙娜说得也不无道理呀
And maybe Semhar has a point about making them pretty.
她懂什么叫做漂亮吗
First of all, what does she know about pretty?
一个雷鬼发型的女人懂个屁
The woman has dreadlocks.
她那颗头简直就像 吸尘器脏物袋里的垃圾似的
Her head looks like the stuff you empty out of a vacuum cleaner bag.
漂亮个屁呀
Not pretty.
先别说她
Forget her.
你这态度是干嘛
What's happening with you?
你对"漂亮"有什么意见吗
What's your problem with pretty?
少用那天后卖弄唱腔手势在我面前晃
Don't wave your divas live hand at me.
我觉得现今社会太霸道
I just think society's way too concerned
老要和谐别人心中认为的美
with other people's idea of what's pretty.
你觉得自己做不到 所以你才顾左右而言他
You don't think you can do it. That's what this is about.
跟社会一点关系都没有 你怕自己做不出漂亮的东西
This isn't about society. You're afraid you can't do pretty.
我是不屑做 就跟你不屑于搞波多黎各仔一样
Look, I don't do pretty the way you don't do Puerto Ricans.
你瞎说什么呀
What are you talking about?
我愿意搞波多黎各仔啊
I'll do Puerto Ricans.
好吧
All right.
愿搞搞去 别烦我
Then go do one and leave me alone.
麦克斯 这只是门手艺 仅此而已
Max, it's a skill. That's all.
不会做某事又算不了什么
It's not shameful to not know how to do something.
小时候学钢琴不都这样吗
Didn't you have piano lessons growing up?
你搞笑啊
Seriously?
学溜冰刀呢
Ice skating?
我人生中离刀片与冰最近的一次是
Closest I've come to blades on ice
去场冰球赛 被一个大肚妞拿刀在我面前比划
was when a pregnant girl pulled a knife on me at a hockey game.
听着 我们要打开门做生意的
Look, you and I have a business,
我们需要这门手艺
and this is a skill we need.
我们一起去上课 然后学会怎么做出漂亮的玫瑰花
We're going to that class and we are gonna master how to make pretty roses.
我知道你很讨厌新潮的东西
And I know how much you hate anything trendy,
特地在附近找了间家族经营的意大利面包店
so I found us a family-owned Italian bakery in Brooklyn.
意大利人好啊
Italian's good.
等我把你杀了之后 他们应该懂怎么毁尸灭迹
Maybe they'll know how to dump the body after I kill you.
首先 欢迎来到"辣妹甜心"
First of all, welcome to Spice and Sugar.
我们改动了大家常说的"又甜又辣"
We did a little twist on the traditional sugar and spice
把辣放在前面是因为...
putting spice first because...
我们是意大利人
We're Italian.
我们的热辣丰胸在前
And we always got the spice up front
甜美小翘臀在后
and a little in the rear.
完胜
Holla!
觉得自己说过"完胜"这个词很丢人了吧
Now are you embarrassed you ever said holla?
我叫斯蒂芬妮 这位是我的表姐赛琳娜
My name is Stephanie, and this is my cousin Serena,
这家蛋糕店是我们家族传承下来的
and this bakery has been in our family for years
经我们接手后 把生意做得
and then we took it over and made it...
很火爆
Hot.
好了 大家先来自我介绍吧
All right, let's go around and introduce ourselves
说说你们来这儿上课的原因
and tell us why you came tonight.
先从帅哥开始
Let's start with the cute guys.
必须的
Always!
我叫斯蒂夫
I'm Steve,
我觉得单身派对有自制小蛋糕应该不错
I thought this would be a fun idea for my bachelor party.
我要和迈克结婚了 就是我身旁这位
I'm getting married to Michael...right there.
真有爱 上帝佑佑
So cute. God bless!
我是迈克
And I'm Michael.
-我也叫迈克耶 -我也是
- I'm Michael as well. - Michael.
好多迈克哦
Oh...So many Michaels.
那你叫...
And you are?
迈克
Michael.
没啦 我叫麦克斯
No, I'm Max.
她真幽默 太可爱了 上帝佑佑
Oh, she's funny. So cute, God bless!
我叫卡洛琳 和麦克斯是搭档
And I'm Caroline. I'm Max's partner.
-今晚好多同性恋哦 -就是
- Oh, so many gays tonight. - I know.
不 是生意上的搭档
No, I'm her business partner.
其实我们在威廉斯堡有自己的小蛋糕店
We actually have our own cupcake business over in Williamsburg,
我必须说 我们的生意还不错
and I must say, we're doing very well.
麦克斯是糕点师 我是生意负责人
Max is the baker and I'm the business head
今晚来这儿是为了提高我们的手艺
and we're here tonight to increase our skill level
好让我们的生意更上一层楼
and take our business up to a level that's...
好跟你们一样火爆哟
Hot as well.
要是你再废话连篇的话
If you're gonna talk that much,
其他人就没时间学习了
no one will have time to learn anything.
有道理呀 对吧
I know, right?
你们的店开在哪里呢
So, uh, where's your shop?
目前只是在自己公寓里做
Well, right now, we're just working out of our apartment.
-所以还没店面 -也不错嘛
- So no shop. - Oh, that's sweet.
-还行嘛 -是呀 祝你们好运 上帝佑佑
- Cute. - Yeah, good luck, God bless.
是嫉妒还是咋地
Can you say jealous?
好吧 咱们先从简单的糖霜裱花开始
All right, let's start simple with a pretty little icing flower.
大家拿起挤花袋
Everybody pick up your piping bags,
有"直"边锥形尖头那个
and with a straight-edge tip--
stright一字多义 有"直"和"异性恋"的意思
所以"弯"代表同性恋
你们用"弯"边锥形尖头也行
But you guys can use your gay-edge tip.
好了 大家注意看斯蒂芬妮
All right, everybody watch Stephanie.
你们得用尖头
You're gonna take the nail head
做一个小小的"U"出来
and you're gonna make a little "U"
这样花瓣就做出来了
so that you get little petals.
如此重复五次
And we'll do this five times.
就能做出一朵五瓣的花了
And then, you have a pretty little five-petal flower.
-多简单 -多有爱 真好玩
- Simple. - So cute. How fun!
不 不 你得先从"U"做起
No, no. You gotta start by making a "U".
我做了 这是一个"U"
I did. That's a "U".
赛琳娜 这是"U"吗
Serena, is that a "U"?
不是
Not a "U".
好吧 我重做一个
Fine, I'll start over.
那就是"U"
That was a "U".
就因为我没有一家正儿八经的店面
And what, just because I don't have a quote-unquote shop
我就不知道"U"长什么样吗
I don't know a "U"?
她们这是什么态度呀
What's with the attitude?
好吧 那我们走吧
All right, let's leave.
等那群基佬再娘笑 我们立刻脚底抹油
Next time the gays giggle, we'll just slide out.
不行 我们是来学习的
No, we're here to learn.
做得挺不错啊
That looks good.
烂死了 我要重做
I suck. I'm starting over.
麦克斯 你干嘛啊 真的不错呀
Max, why'd you do that? It was good.
不够好
Not good enough.
你们俩做完没有
You two not done yet?
你们必须先练熟做小花
You have to master the little flower,
不然之后教做玫瑰时 你们就死定了
or when we move on to roses you'll be screwed.
-对吧 表姐 -当然是死定了
- Right, cuz? - Oh, totally screwed.
而且还会死得惨兮兮呢
Screwed and not in the good way.
你说我们有没办法
Do you think we can convince them
拐她们相信最新的击掌方式是互扇耳光呢
that slapping each other's face is the new high five?
斯蒂夫 天啊 这朵玫瑰太棒了
Steve, oh, my God. That rose is gorgeous.
有前途啊
Good for you.
好了 一分钟后大家展示自己的玫瑰花
All right, one more minute and we'll display our roses.
斯蒂夫 帮个忙
Steve. Little help.
考试一限时我就紧张
I choke at timed tests.
当年高考就因此只得了40分
I got like a 40 on my SATs.
靠 斯蒂夫
Damn it, Steve!
瞧瞧这家店
Look at this place.
在现在这个世道
There's no way these girls
这俩妞的生意绝不可能这么成功
could have this much cupcake success in this economy.
我是说 光是店面的各项管理费用就得...
I mean, the overhead on this building alone--
什么意思
What are you saying?
我不敢说是黑帮的资金
Not saying mob money,
但要是我们有黑帮的资金
just saying maybe we'd have a shop too
-我们的店也早开成了 -闭嘴
- if we had mob money. - Shh.
小声点
Keep it down.
你想明早看到栗宝被杀后 头丢你床上示众吗
You wanna wake up tomorrow with Chestnut's head in your vagina bed?
好了 时间到 看看你们的成果
Okay, time's up. Let's see what you got.
这是什么 根本就什么都没有嘛
What is that? There's like nothing there.
这哪里是玫瑰花
That's not a rose.
-这是极简抽象派 -随便吧
- It's minimalist. - Whatev.
不 这不是"随便之作" 这是天才之作
No, not "whatev". It's brilliant.
我懂这个是因为我在东京时
And I would know because, when I was in Tokyo,
师承著名花道研究所的负责人
I had a private Japanese flower arranging class
上过他一对一的课程
with the head of the Ikebana institute.
他说过我天赋异禀
And he said I had a gift.
他说...
In his words,
"卡洛琳 你好漂亮啊"
随便吧 那你的朋友做得怎么样
Whatev. Okay, what about your friend there?
我时间不够
I kinda ran out of time.
二十分钟还不够啊
You had 20 minutes.
她不是说你是糕点师吗
I thought she said you were the baker.
不行 你们的小蛋糕店想取得成功
No, you need to be able to whip these out in like 20 seconds
这玩意儿你们二十秒内就得搞定啊
if you wanna be successful in your little bakery.
"我想点个小蛋糕" "十二小时后来取"
"Um, I'd like a cupcake." "That'll be 12 hours."
-对吧 -对
- Right? - Right.
而且想上台面 还得做得更漂亮点
And they have to be prettier than that.
希望你们明天能进步点吧
Well, maybe you'll do better tomorrow.
记住 你们的家庭作业是
Remember. Your homework assignment
做一个上面有朵漂亮玫瑰花的小蛋糕来
is to bring in a cupcake with a pretty rose on it.
对啊 好像我们明天还会过来
Right. Like we're gonna come back here
跟这俩意大利*子婊**浪费时间
and spend time with these Robert de Nir-hoes.
这个也好难看 *靠我**
Ugh! That one stinks too. Damn it!
麦克斯 算了吧
Max, forget it.
都凌晨三点了 去睡觉吧
It's 3:00 A.M. Go to bed.
闭嘴 不准跟我说话
Don't. Don't say anything to me.
我现在超级不爽你
I am so mad at you right now.
-我哪里惹到你了 -就是惹到了
- What did I do? - Everything.
我以前可喜欢做蛋糕了
I used to love making cupcakes.
那是唯一可以让我放空
It was the one thing I could zone out
不用想任何事情
and do without thinking.
现在我脑子却一直在想
And now all I'm doing is thinking.
想我做蛋糕的技术有多烂
Thinking that I stink at making cupcakes.
别这样
Well, stop it.
管她们怎么说呢 她俩就是糕点流氓
Who cares what they think? They're bitchy baking bullies.
我们大不了不回去上课了
We don't have to go back there.
然后呢
Oh, and then what?
让我抱着我做蛋糕技术很差的想法 度过余生吗
I'm gonna think my cupcakes weren't good enough for the rest of my life?
你说我们得学手艺 我们就得学成才走
You said we need the skill, then we need the skill.
我虽然不是什么好人 但绝对不是缩头乌龟
I'm a lot of things, but I'm not a quitter.
不做出个该死的漂亮小蛋糕 我不死不休
I'm gonna make a stupid, pretty cupcake if it kills me.
你死也不休
Or you.
而且你不准临阵脱逃
And you are going back there with me.
我们得做出漂亮的小蛋糕
And we're gonna shove our pretty cupcake
斯努奇 真人秀《新泽西海岸》成员之一
有意大利血统 行为大胆荒唐
给山寨斯努奇和她表姐的狗眼瞧瞧
right up Snooki and her cousin's asses.
你就把嘴闭上 别跟我说话
Now, shut up, don't talk to me,
滚回你的阴道床睡觉去
and go back in your vagina.
抱歉让你目睹了这一幕 栗宝
Sorry you had to see that, Chestnut.
不是很漂亮
Oh, not very pretty.
但至少你努力过了 迈克
But at least you tried, Michael.
我只有个问题
Just one question.
手这么不巧 你真的是同性恋吗
Are you sure that you're gay?
好了 卡洛琳 来看看你漂亮的玫瑰花
Oh, okay, Caroline. Let's see your pretty rose.
我没做 因为现今社会太霸道
I didn't do one. Society is way too concerned
老要和谐别人心中认为的美
with other people's idea of what's pretty.
随便吧
Whatevs.
那好 你的糕点师呢
Okay, what about your baker there?
她也没做吗
She bail too?
不 我做了
No, here it is.
麦克斯 这真漂亮
Max, that's so pretty.
我真为你骄傲
I'm so proud of you.
做得不错 上帝佑佑 有前途
Good work, God bless. Good for you.
你做了多久
How long did it take you?
三个小时四十分吧
About three hours and 40 minutes.
但我做到了
But I did it!
我只是想向你们和我自己证明
I just wanted to prove to you and myself
我也能做出漂亮的东西
I can make something pretty.
既然我已经成功做到了
And now that I have--
这小蛋糕不是我风格 老娘不屑玩漂亮
That cupcake wasn't me. I don't do pretty.
但为了表达我对这个蛋糕课程的感想
But I did make each of you a cupcake that I think says
我为你俩一人做了一个蛋糕
what I feel about this whole cupcake class.
这个写着"关你屁事"
This one says "Bite me".
这个写着"滚你妈蛋"
This one says "Screw U".
你看见那个"U"了吗 这就是个"U"
You see that "U"? That's a "U".
完胜
Holla!
那祝你们好运啦
Well, good luck with that.
没人会买损人的蛋糕
People don't want cupcakes that insult them.
天啊 麦克斯 这才是我们的长项
Oh, my God, Max. That's our thing.
我错了 你才是对的
I was wrong. You were right.
我们不必做漂亮的蛋糕
We don't need to make pretty cupcakes.
人人都会做漂亮的蛋糕
Everybody does pretty.
我们只需发挥你的专长
We have to do what you do best.
损人
Insult people.
是啊 谁会去买呀
Yeah, who's gonna buy that?
我们买 给告别单身派对增色
We will. For our shower.
专门为我们的*人贱**朋友准备
And really let us bitches have it!